


Once Upon The Internet

by lovelunarchron



Category: Lunar Chronicles - Marissa Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Best Friends, Childhood frienships, Dating, F/M, Love Triangles, Online Dating, cresswell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-05-21 23:49:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 53,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6062722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelunarchron/pseuds/lovelunarchron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cress signs up for an online dating service, but her relationship with her best friend complicates things as she searches for her one, true (e-)love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was a rather ordinary Sunday afternoon in April as Crescent Darnel watched the light rain run down her dining room window. It was the only window in her fourth floor apartment that had a slight view of the city, but in this weather she couldn't make out anything but droplets and blurry lights from the cars below.

She hugged her knees to her chest and refocused her attention on the website she'd pulled up on her laptop about a half hour ago. It was taking way too much energy to answer all of the questions it posed about her. The questionnaire never seemed to end.

She jumped when her front door opened and Thorne walked in with his usual grocery bags, his hair no doubt slick from his tendency to walk in the rain without an umbrella. He wore one of his typical lazy Sunday outfits: baggy sweatpants, sneakers, and a light hoodie. It was a decent, casual look on him, though she knew that he'd never dress this way if he were going out on the town.

Their weekly Sunday afternoon lunch date was meant to be relaxed and laid-back though, and she knew that he usually had to recover from some party he'd been to the night before. Besides, they'd known each other too long for either of them to be embarrassed about the way they looked in front of the other.

"Hey, Captain," she said, happy to have a distraction.

Cress shut her laptop as he shook off his shoes and approached her, unsure if she was ready to tell him about the decision she'd only just made yesterday. He would likely be way too into it and, even worse, way too full of advice if he knew what she was up to. She'd tell him when the time was right.

"Hey, Damsel," he said, giving her a quick peck on the cheek before he walked into the kitchen with his grocery bags in tow.

Captain and Damsel were the nicknames they'd used for each other since they'd been children and couldn't get enough of their imaginary personas whenever they played by the little creek that cut through the acres of Thorne's backyard. Though they were much older now, the nicknames had stuck, and whenever they used them it brought her back to great memories of thieves, heroes, maidens, warrior princesses, and daring rescues.

Back then, he was still known as Carswell—though of course he'd sworn her to secrecy as they'd grown up. Nowadays, he preferred to go by his last name.

She didn't mind keeping this fact to herself so long as Thorne never told anyone about how many nightmares she'd had back then. It was all the nightmares that had ultimately made them so close, though, and in some ways she thanked her lucky stars for them. One particularly bad night, she'd run down to her own yard—which was dwarfed by Thorne's—and sat in the grass and cried.

Thorne, only nine at the time, had taken the little seven year old girl under his wing after he'd heard her crying from his own bedroom window. He'd snuck her into his house and he'd read her books under the blanketed fort he'd created over his bed. Even though she could read just fine, she loved the way he added extra parts to the stories and spoke in funny voices just to make her laugh.

The next day, when they were discovered asleep in the same bed, Thorne's parents had only cooed at how adorable they were. Not the type to interfere much with Thorne's life—much to his delight back then—they hadn't mentioned anything to Cress's parents about it. She was thankful for that, because unlike his parents, hers would have likely given her a beating if they knew she'd disobeyed orders and slipped out at night.

After a few more nights of finding Cress alone outside, Thorne had developed a communication system where she could ring a bell attached to a string between their houses whenever she didn't feel well. When she did, she knew Thorne would be waiting for her by the window of her outside basement to take her over to his house.

They'd been inseparable ever since.

Thousands of Captain Thorne and Damsel Darnel adventures later—not to mention many awkward teenage years—their friendship had survived even when Thorne had gone away to college. Cress, eager to leave her house and its bad memories behind as soon as possible, had managed to graduate a year early from high school, only one year behind Thorne. He had encouraged her to apply to the same college he went to so that they could see each other more often than just weekends. Their social lives were quite different during college, but Thorne had never excluded her from any events that he had planned, even if she often turned down his invitations.

Now that they were both recent graduates, she always looked forward to their ritual Sunday afternoon. Even if they didn't see each other the whole week, they both knew that this day was reserved just for the two of them.

"What's on the menu?" she asked as she joined him by the counter.

Thorne pulled out some cartons of take-out food. "Sorry," he said sheepishly, "I had a really late night. I'm just not in the mood to cook today."

"You're such a cheater," she said, but she snatched one of the cartons away from him. It smelled delicious. "You know it's your turn to cook."

"But this isn't just _any_ take-out. It's from that little store we spotted a few weeks ago and desperately wanted to try. Remember? By that flower shop on 11th where you practically squealed at the amount of differently colored roses they had on display?"

She groaned. "When you made me tell you what all the flower colors meant so you could properly apologize to what's-her-name with the hooker heels?"

"Hey, that was important work for which I will forever be in your debt."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

"I also brought dessert as a peace offering." Thorne revealed a box inside the grocery bag he'd held on his person since he came in. "You are going to _looove_ me when you see what's in here."

Cress felt a smile playing on her lips but folded her arms, pretending to consider. "You're cooking next week, then. Don't think this gets you off rotation."

He grinned her favorite crooked grin and then winked at her. "Deal."

As they settled into their food, Thorne told her all about his date the night before with his new girl, Kate. They'd only been seeing each other for a few weeks, but already they were having many issues.

In Cress's opinion, Kate simply seemed to be too high maintenance for Thorne, who was actually quite high maintenance himself already—if you didn't count Sunday afternoons. He needed someone who boosted his ego, not the other way around.

She ate her food thoughtfully and listened to him compare her to the other women he'd dated and decently liked. The hooker heels girl was not on that list, of course.

As he talked about his night, Cress thought back to her closed laptop. Maybe if she could finally force herself to finish the questionnaire, she could eventually join Thorne on Sundays with tales of her own dates, good or bad. It'd been far too long since she'd had any prospects for a leading man in her life, and it made her feel partially incomplete. She didn't need a guy to fill some vacant hole, but she wanted someone with whom she could begin to share her life. Now that she wasn't in college anymore, some of her friends had actually started settling down—getting into more long-term relationships, moving in together, even taking the plunge of marriage. She wasn't ready for marriage yet, but she had to start somewhere.

When they moved to the couch with dessert and began to watch the movie he'd chosen (whoever cooked got to pick), a sci-fi action movie with lots of spaceships, Cress focused her attention on the love story developing between the two leading characters. If they could find love amid intergalactic war, surely she could find love using the internet. About halfway through, when they paused for a bathroom break and a quick stretch, Cress finally decided to tell Thorne about her decision.

"So, um, I wanted to tell you something," she said as she sat back down next to him. He already had the remote at the ready, but he set it down and turned to look at her.

"What's up?"

"Well…I think I'm going to sign up for an online dating site." Cress grimaced as her words came out, then looked up warily as she waited for his reaction.

Thorne broke into a wide grin. "An online dating site? Hey, that's awesome Cress!"

She had thought that he'd approve, but deep down she knew she was waiting for his confirmation that she was making the right choice. "You don't think it's stupid?"

"No way. How else are you supposed to meet people in this day and age?"

" _You_ meet people all the time."

He dismissed her comment with a wave of his hand and a cocky attitude. "I'm Captain Thorne. Beautiful women are just drawn to me. I can't help it." The look on her face must have told him that she could see right through his phony speech, because he chuckled. "You're not really into the bar scene, Cress. The internet will be perfect for you."

"But it makes me feel kind of desperate."

Thorne wrapped his arm around her and she leaned into her favorite spot. "You, desperate? Damsel Darnel, it's those internet boys who are going to be desperate to be with you."

She nudged him with her head, and he gave her an extra squeeze. "You think?"

"I don't think. I know."

"What if they suck?" she asked, letting another worry spill out of her.

"That's why I'm here," he said. "So you can tell me everything bad about them on our Sunday dates, and then I can go beat them up as soon as I leave your house."

The thought of Thorne beating up anyone made Cress laugh, but she loved how protected she felt by him, even now, so many years after he'd first kept her safe under his fort. "I'll do it then," she said. "I'm glad you think it's a good idea."

"I love it," he said. "But I am _so_ picking your profile photo."


	2. Chapter 2

It only took Cress a few days to get some attention online. At first, she was apprehensive about responding to the messages she started getting once she'd uploaded her profile photo. She was worried that they were only interested in her appearance, or worse, just looking for a booty call. When she voiced that worry to Thorne, he just laughed it off.

"You, a booty call?"

She wasn't sure whether to be offended or flattered. Knowing Thorne, he probably meant it as a good thing. Cress would never go for something like that, and he knew it. Thus began the hard task of weeding out the creeps from the gentlemen. It wasn't easy.

* * *

Her first in-person date took place a month after she made an account, which, in her opinion, was _forever_. She finally met a man online, though, who seemed decent, kind, and handsome. His unique name—Ze'ev—was actually what drew her to his profile the first time. He had initiated contact with her after remarking that her profile picture was cute, and had asked for more information about her. After thoroughly stalking his profile, which he'd given her access to, she learned that his name was of Hebrew origin and she had been immediately intrigued.

Cress was fascinated by other cultures. She researched his name and learned that it meant 'Wolf.' In one of their following chats, he explained that he was often called Wolf when he played sports.

Ze'ev was a more serious kind of guy, she discovered, but that was fine with her. She'd had enough of college boys without a grip on reality or any goals in life. Ze'ev had a steady job, great manners so far, and claimed to be quite a good cook—particularly with meat. He was extremely muscular, which Cress thought was very attractive, and the way his hair spiked a little messily made her crazy in a good way. It made her want to run her hands through it in real life.

At twenty-eight, Ze'ev was a good six years older than her, but Cress knew she was mature for her age, and a guy who was twenty-eight would likely be interested in settling down sooner than later. Thorne thought Ze'ev was _too_ old for her, and insisted on driving her to and from their date. Cress wanted to give Ze'ev the opportunity to drive her home and—if everything went well—walk her to her apartment and give her an iconic first kiss at the doorway. She didn't tell Thorne that, though. He'd probably laugh at her and tell her that she spent too much time reading books about epic love stories.

When she'd argued that Ze'ev wasn't, in fact, too old for her, Thorne had taken the position of "well, he could be a creep and I'm not letting him drive you" instead. Cress had just rolled her eyes and accepted it, since she didn't want to waste an entire evening bickering about it. Besides, it was kind of sweet that he cared enough to waste his Saturday evening waiting for her to call when she was ready to go home.

The car ride over was excruciating. Thorne kept telling her to relax, but she was a bundle of nerves. What if Ze'ev was the right guy for her? What if tonight sparked an epic romance that burned so brightly it would never end? But worse, what if he wasn't? What if he didn't like her? What if she didn't like him? What if—

"I can't believe you're going to a boxing match."

Cress glanced at Thorne, who was grinning slyly at her from the driver's seat. She shrugged. "He said boxing was a big part of his life."

"Do you even like boxing?"

"I don't know. I've never tried it."

"Well, I think it's good that this guy has you trying new stuff. But I still think that going to a boxing match is a bit weird for a first date, though."

She shrugged again. "He said that he thinks it's a good first date because I'll get to see this part of him, which is apparently important to him. I think it's great that he wants to be open about his passions from the start."

Thorne chuckled as they stopped at a light. "Well I hope he at least got you good seats."

"Apparently we're right in the front."

"Big spender, huh," Thorne remarked. "Good for him, spoiling you from the beginning."

Cress beamed, which made Thorne chuckle again. "Look at you, Damsel, totally smitten and you haven't even met the guy yet."

"I am _not_ smitten."

He ruffled her hair with his free hand. "Just so adorably excited you're going to burst."

She shoved his hand away and yanked down the sun visor to inspect herself in the mirror. "You're messing up my perfect hair," she said, annoyed. "It only took an hour to straighten it."

"Touch-y," he sang.

"You're a pain."

" _You're_ a pain."

"Wow, great comeback, Thorne."

"I have others. I just didn't want to bust them out on the eve"—his voice dropped to a dramatic whisper—" _of your special date_."

That comment earned him a quick jab in the ribs, but he didn't retaliate, just grinned. "Look, we're almost there. Fix your hair already so I can get on with my Saturday night."

As they approached the stadium, she told Thorne where to drop her off. As expected, Ze'ev stood waiting for her at the side entrance. When she pointed him out to Thorne, his eyes nearly bulged out of his sockets. " _That's_ your date?"

"What?" she said, staring intently out the window.

Ze'ev was waiting with a white rose, a marker that they'd decided on to make sure they spotted one another. His hair was even messier than the photos, and the lights on top of the stadium made its dark color almost glow against his olive skin. He was dressed more casually than she had expected—training shoes, track pants, and a hoodie—but his muscular build still stood out despite his baggier clothes.

"That guy is a _beast_ ," said Thorne. "He must be like, 6'3"."

"Six feet four inches," she recited from his profile photo. "And _very_ ripped."

"Clearly."

"I think I'm over-dressed," said Cress looking down at herself. Though he'd said to not dress up, she'd still picked out a cute, knit dress that she hoped clung in the right places. "But at least I wore heels."

"Why do you need heels at a boxing match?"

"Not for the boxing match, Thorne! I mean, in case we kiss."

Thorne swallowed. "Listen, Cress. I don't know if this is such a good idea. I can't beat that guy up if he tries anything. In fact, forget that I told you to threaten them with your scary best friend. Don't even mention me."

"Way to wuss out," she said, crinkling her brow at him. "And it's not going to be necessary. I mean, look at him. He's adorable."

"Adorable is not the adjective that comes to mind. You, Cress, at five feet, are adorable. He's…something else entirely."

"I bet he's a gentle giant. C'mon, if you don't drive any faster he'll think I changed my mind or something."

Thorne pulled into a parking spot instead. "Maybe he didn't even see you yet. And if he did, it's fine to make him sweat for a minute. That's part of the ritual, isn't it? Waiting for the girl to show up."

"Thorne," she whined, "I need you to drop me off and act like my _friend_ and not an over-protective _big brother_."

Thorne let his hands fall onto his legs, and then found his pockets. "Fine. But I hope you packed pepper spray. Preferably mace."

Cress leaned in to give him a hug. He reciprocated, but then pulled back to look at her. "What was that for?"

She gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Because, even at six feet, you're really adorable too."

"I am _not_ adorable. I'm charming."

"Will you drive me over there already?"

He sighed. "Okay."

Thorne pulled out of the parking space and did a small circle before stopping right in front of Ze'ev, who was still gripping his white rose. Cress saw him bouncing around a bit on the balls of his feet, and she wondered if maybe he was nervous too. His face lit up with recognition when he saw her. Cress' heart pattered. If he dropped the track outfit and wore a tuxedo, he'd surely look like the combination of a hero and a spy. The thought thrilled her. She hopped out of the car with just a small cursory wave at Thorne, who didn't look back as he drove away.

"Hi Ze'ev," she said shyly, looking up at him. From this close, Thorne did have a small point about his sheer physical presence. But only a small one. Next to him, she felt like she would be protected from any harm that might come her way.

"Hi Cress," he said, his voice lower and more gruff than she'd expected. "You look beautiful." He held out the rose to her, and she accepted it gladly.

"Thanks, Ze'ev."

"Please, call me Z."

"Okay, Z."

They stared at each other awkwardly for a few moments, but then Z held out his arm for her. "We should get inside."

She looped her hand around his arm excitedly. "Sorry we're running a little late. I hope the game hasn't started yet."

"Oh, no worries, it won't start without me. And it's a match, not a game. A technicality, some might argue, but nonetheless important."

Cress nodded as he opened the back door for them. He must be an important VIP if they would hold off the game—er, match—for him. Maybe he had season tickets. Did they even have that sort of thing for boxing? She was afraid to ask.

"So, have you ever seen a match before?"

"Um, no."

"That's okay," he said. "Here are the rules: There are a certain number of three-minute rounds, usually a total of 12." He weaved her through small walkways inside, and it gave her the impression of being inside an opera house, rather than a stadium. "Between each round, you get a minute to go into your assigned corner and talk to your coach. There's a referee who controls the fight and works inside the ring to control and judge the conduct of the fighters. He will also call fouls, count knocked-down fighters, and that sort of thing."

Cress spaced out a little as he went into more detail. She didn't really need to know everything about boxing. She could always ask him as they watched the fight. After all, he seemed like the type of guy who would feel more manly if he could explain the game to his date while it was going on. She would feign some interest and ooh and aah at all the right moments. It would be perfect. Then they would share some popcorn, maybe eat a hot dog or two, and perhaps even get featured on the kiss cam.

She smiled at the thought, and Z looked down at her encouragingly. "I know, it's really interesting, isn't it?" Cress just continued to smile, unable to burst his bubble. Hey, maybe his enthusiasm for this sport would eventually rub off on her.

They veered left and a burst of light hit her so hard that she almost had to cover her eyes. They were in the main arena now, and not just that, they were standing in an open corridor that was practically eye-level with the ring. When they walked down the corridor, the crowd roared. Cress grinned again, excitement filling her being. This type of energy was exhilarating! As they continued walking, though, she noticed that many people were applauding and cheering when they passed them. Some of them even reached out and patted Z on the back. She noticed they were chanting something, but she couldn't make out the words. He led her to the very first seat in front of the ring. He really had gone all out for this, hadn't he?

She turned to him when she noticed that there was only one spot left in the reserved seating section, though. Z's face had broken out into a full-blown grin—one that made his features light up in a way she hadn't noticed before. It was beautiful.

"I think someone took our seats," she said, confused.

"I have a surprise for you!" he said, still grinning like mad. Then he whipped off his hoodie, revealing nothing but the most chiseled abs she had ever seen in her life. She almost swooned, but her confusion at what he was doing kept her rooted firmly where she stood. The crowd went wild as he turned to them and flexed his muscles. Wait…

"I'm going to be fighting tonight."

Cress blinked. "You—what?"

She gasped in shock as he ripped off his track pants, showcasing the shiny dark boxing shorts that he'd apparently had on underneath. Stitched at the top right hand corner by his waist was one simple word: Wolf.

"This is one of my bigger matches, Cress," he said, and before she knew what was happening, he had swept her off her feet and twirled her into the air. "Isn't she gorgeous?" he bellowed out into the crowd.

Cress saw that she was being broadcast on the TV above the ring, and that her face was an embarrassingly red hue. She tried to smile, but panic gripped her. She did not like being in the spotlight. Except for maybe a kiss cam.

This was definitely not a kiss cam.

He put her down just as quickly, and someone—a trainer maybe—ran up to him. "Wolf, we're ready to go. Hunter's waiting on the other side."

Z nodded and turned solemnly to Cress. She still felt shell-shocked at his surprise. "Don't look so worried. I know Hunter is undefeated, but so am I." He gestured for her to sit down. Cress sat. "I'm glad you're here to witness this."

Cress started to understand what the crowd was chanting. _Wolf. Wolf. Wolf. Wolf_.

"This match is for you, Cress. Celebratory drinks on me when this is over."

Cress smiled weakly and gave him two thumbs up. "Go get 'em, Tiger. I mean…Wolf."

He nodded solemnly and ran towards the ring. The crowd erupted in delight again. Cress sank into her seat, dread washing over her. "Boxing is a big part of my life," he'd said. What she clearly hadn't realized was that boxing was a big part of his life because he _was_ a boxer. An enthusiastic sports fan she could handle, an actual athlete maybe not. The whole point of going to sporting events was to hang out together, not to actually care so much about the sport itself, right?

Wrong.

* * *

Halfway through the match, Cress still sat in her chair, nearly paralyzed by all the violence taking place in the ring. Z had taken so many hits to the face that she was sure he would be maimed for life. It was hard to imagine scars covering his striking face. His lips and nose were bloody, and sweat glistened off of his body. Hunter, his opponent, didn't look much better. Each time that one of them punched the other, Cress gasped out loud in fear. It was complete brutality. Sometimes, Hunter would make sadistic remarks at Wolf, once even targeting Cress. She'd nearly cried at the awful things he'd said. Z, though, had seen the look on her face and punched Hunter square in the jaw when they weren't even supposed to be fighting. He'd taken a foul for that. For her. Though he looked proud, she'd had enough.

She sent a quick snapchat of him in the ring to Thorne, with the caption HELP ME. This was not the time for subtlety. The app notified her that Thorne had opened it and even taken a screenshot of her photo before it disappeared. The traitor. She got a snap video back from him almost immediately. He was laughing hysterically. This made her sink even lower into her chair.

During the next round, Cress slipped out. She doubted that "Wolf" even noticed. Once outside the stadium, Cress sat down on the curb, defeated. What a disaster of a first date. How was it even possible that of all the people she'd painstakingly vetted, she'd ended up with the one person who spent his Saturday nights fighting in a ring? She looked at the flower he had gotten her and threw it on the ground. Then she spent the rest of her time waiting for Thorne to arrive crushing every piece of it with her heels.

Slowly. Brutally.

Just like the match.

Thorne's familiar car finally rounded the corner, and she breathed a sigh of relief. When she jumped up to get in the car, though, she saw that Kate was already sitting in the passenger seat, looking annoyed. Cress gingerly climbed in the back, mortification washing over her. It was like getting picked up by her parents, when all she really wanted was a friend to talk to right now.

"Hey, Cress," said Thorne. She was surprised he didn't try to tease her about her date-gone-wrong.

"Hi. Hope I didn't mess up your date," she mumbled.

Kate placed a hand on Thorne's knee. "Our night was only getting started, so it's not _that_ big of a deal. It would be great if you could get your own ride next time, though."

Thorne put his hand over hers. "I offered to pick Cress up, Kate. It's fine."

"My food is getting cold, Thorne."

He squeezed her hand. "We'll warm it up. No biggie."

Kate turned haughtily to Cress. "Fine. But maybe next time you could at least wait until the date is done before you ask Thorne to come get you. It's not like he was just waiting around for you to call."

"Sorry," said Cress again.

Thorne put the car into drive, and glanced back at her through the rearview mirror, an apologetic expression on his face. If he saw that a tear was sliding down her cheek, he didn't say anything.


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm never going on a date again," she moaned as she let herself into Thorne's apartment.

Thorne peered up at her through the glasses he wore only when reading. Cress always thought he looked quite intelligent and handsome in glasses, but he hated them on principle because they 'messed up his swagger.' She suppressed a grin as he pulled them off quickly and put away his magazine. Besides, her date had been so bad that she wasn't able to smile completely yet anyway.

"That bad?" he asked.

Cress took off her shoes and coat and flopped next to him on couch. "I'm never going to find anyone."

"Not with that attitude you're not," he said.

"I'm doomed to be alone," she whined.

He began to laugh. "You're so melodramatic. These things take time!"

"Not for you," she said.

"What can I say…" he began, but she cut him off.

"Nothing. You're not allowed to say anything because no matter what you say I'll feel even worse." She opened the recliner of the couch, leaned back, and put her hands over her face.

Fingers tapped lightly on her elbow, followed by Thorne's sing-songy voice. "Cre-ess…Cre-ess…oh Cres-scent."

She slapped his hand away. "Leave me alone."

"You wouldn't be here if you didn't want to see me."

"Why would I want to see you?" she grunted.

"Because I'm your favorite person ever," he sang.

Cress opened her eyes a crack. "You wish you were."

"I know I am."

"Are not."

"Are too."

"You're still a pain."

"A lovable pain."

Thorne turned his whole body in the couch so he was lying down with the back of his head resting on her stomach. She instinctively reached down to play with his hair. He broke into a grin. "See, so lovable."

"And tangled," she said. "Did you even take a shower yet?"

His laugh vibrated her stomach. "Cress, it's Sunday and we're hanging out. Bedhead is the last thing I'm worried about."

"You stink though."

He shot up and sniffed his armpits. "I do not!" He stuck his tongue out at her when she giggled, but he still laid down again and folded his hands over his own stomach. She decided against playing with his hair and just reclined further back.

"So you gonna tell me about your date?" he asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Where do I even start?" she mused.

"Name, DOB, height, weight. All that important medical information."

She poked him. "Yes, Dr. Thorne."

"I like the sound of that."

"You would."

"Just tell me about your date," he said. "The sooner you let it out, the sooner you can get over it."

"Well," she said thoughtfully, her stomach already growing anxious at the thought of last night, "his name is Jacin. I think I told you about him a little, didn't I?"

Thorne scrunched up his face. "Blond guy? Kind of tall? Some sort of body guard?"

"Yeah, him. Turns out he is a body guard for somebody famous. So he has weird shifts and things. That should have been something that tipped me off from the start. I mean, I want a normal life, with someone who has regular work hours. I don't think I could commit to someone who is gone randomly for weeks at a time or gets called away at a moment's notice. So I'm not really sure why—"

"What famous person?"

"Oh, I don't know. He wasn't allowed to say."

"Too bad," said Thorne. "I was gunning for a super hot actress. I mean you could become a groupie and get to know the star and then I could become friends just by association with you and have all these perks that would _ultimately_ result in me dating that super hot actress."

She sat and waited.

"Oh, please, do continue," he said, waving one hand in the air.

She sighed. "That's basically as interesting as it got. We went to dinner—"

"More normal than going to a boxing arena, at least," he commented.

"Stop interrupting!"

"Sorry." He rolled to the side, nearly knocking the wind out of her. He apologized again when she yelped out loud, causing him to finally sit up and relax into the recliner next to her.

"As I was _saying_ , we went to dinner. The conversation was terrible. He was the most snooty person I've ever talked to. Apparently he completed half of med school before he became a body guard, so he thinks he's some genius or something. It didn't matter what I said, he always had some retort that made it seem like he knew everything better. He also told me that I wasn't rational enough and have my head in the clouds." She gritted her teeth. "Jacin, on the other hand, is only capable of saying short, rude sentences, so I prefer having my head in the clouds rather than being like that, thank you very much."

Thorne laughed. "You do daydream."

"That's not a bad thing!"

"Didn't say it was."

"You know what the real kicker was? About halfway through the date he told me that his ex was the most beautiful woman on this planet, and that I'd never live up to her. He said that he'd always be waiting for her. Can you believe it?"

"Maybe _he_ was dating the super hot actress."

"Ugh! Is it that much to want to meet a normal person with manners?"

Thorne reached for her hand. " _Cress_ , you don't want a normal person. You need someone full of life and energy. Someone to match your spirit and outlook on life."

"Who apparently I'll never find," she said bitterly.

"You've been on two dates."

"I've chatted with probably fifty guys in the last two months! I'm basically a _player_."

Thorne burst out laughing. Then he laughed some more until he finally shook his head. "My Damsel, the player." He laughed again. "Come on, let's go eat. I already made the food."

"You did?"

"I can be useful," he said. "Besides, I wanted to get an early start in case this exact situation happened and you needed to vent for an hour."

"It has not been an hour!"

He jumped up and extended his hand to her. "I know. Don't worry about it."

"All I'm doing is worrying about it. I get so excited just to be let down brutally."

Thorne pulled Cress to her feet. "Tell you what. After lunch, I'll take a look at these guys you're chatting with. Maybe I'll pick one."

" _You're_ gonna pick my next date?"

"Why not? It's not like you're having any luck on your own. I'm a guy—maybe I can pick up on some warning signals from the start. Bro-codes or something." She snorted, but his eyes gleamed. "Come on, if anyone knows what you like, it's me."

"Fine."

* * *

"I like him," said Thorne.

Cress stared at the photo and accompanying profile of a man named Kai who she'd briefly exchanged a few lines with. They'd been going over all of his information for the last half hour. "He's cute," she admitted.

Thorne scoffed. "Cute? He's dreamy, Cress."

Her lips curled into a smile. "Okay, he _is_ really cute."

"See, I know you."

"Yeah," she whispered, still staring at his photo. Did she really want to give it another try? Maybe Thorne was right—she'd only gone on two official dates. Maybe the third time was the charm, as they said. She was just terribly afraid of being let down again. And she felt so invested in all of the conversations she'd had with all the other guys who had asked to chat with her since she'd made an account.

"From what I can see here, he seems like a really respectable guy. Your conversations so far are short but there wasn't anything condescending about him." She nodded. "Or related to boxing," he added.

"Ha-ha."

"You'll never know if you don't try."

Cress stared at the screen a little longer, hoping to convince herself by looking at him even more. They did have some similar interests. He seemed quite romantic from the questions he'd answered about his ideal dates. He was even kind of funny when they had talked. Maybe it would be worth the shot.

"How's it going with Kate?" she asked after a while. They hadn't talked about her much since the awkward encounter Cress'd had with them after her date with Ze'ev, the "Wolf."

He shrugged. "Pretty good, I guess. I mean she's, like, super into me, you know? And you've seen her. She's gorgeous. We have a good time together. Sometimes she gets on my nerves because she's kind of picky about things, but I guess a girl's gotta have high standards. She wouldn't be with me if she didn't."

Cress rolled her eyes. "Arrogant, much?"

"Maybe just a little cocky. But you already knew that."

"Indeed."

"I guess all couples have their ups and downs, right? Kate and I are just in the early stages of getting to know each other so it's hard to tell if it'll be a long-term thing. For now I'm just pretty excited that she chooses to spend her time with me, of all people. It's pretty flattering, especially around the guys."

"She's not some trophy, Thorne."

"Cress, when you finally meet your dream guy, you're going to want to show him off to all of your friends too."

"You think Kate could be your dream girl?"

He considered it. "Maybe. I guess we'll find out, right?"

"Yeah."

"If it goes well with Kai, maybe we can double. You haven't really gotten that much of a chance to get to know her."

"That could be fun," she said. Hanging out with _Kate_ wouldn't be that fun, but if it wasn't just the three of them maybe Kate would chill out just a bit. "Let's wait and see how this date goes first."

"It's going to be great," said Thorne confidently. "I picked him, didn't I?"


	4. Chapter 4

For their first date, Kai suggested that they go to the open-air Saturday market downtown. In her mind, Kai won several points just for that suggestion, since Cress thought it was a great idea. They would be in a public place—just in case he was a creep—and it didn't isolate the two of them to a restaurant where there would be nothing to talk about if they didn't click. The market would provide plenty of conversation topics and, if necessary, distractions if there was no spark. Cress also noted that Kai must have paid attention when she'd told him that she enjoyed both shopping and being outside. The market was a nice way to combine both of those interests.

She was a bundle of nerves, as always, when she met him at the entrance of the market. Cress had told him about her disastrous date with Ze'ev, and Kai had been considerate enough to tell her that he would likely just be going to the market in a hoodie and some jeans. Cress had decided to wear a blue sundress with a light jacket. She'd also run a braid through one side of her otherwise loose hair. Kai, true to his word, was indeed just wearing jeans and a gray hoodie. He had his sleeves rolled up, and she imagined that he was probably getting warm, despite the early hours. The sun had surprised them on this early May morning, and she for one was delighted that they would have a day to stroll around in the rays of sunlight.

Kai looked slightly nervous too as she approached him. He had a bouquet of mixed flowers in one hand, and when he noticed her, he straightened and smiled. Just like in his photo, his smile was quite extraordinary. It lit up his whole face. He was different from the type of guy she had been attracted to in the past, because physically he seemed like "that guy" that all the girls liked. Well, if they didn't mind that he wasn't so muscular—he was a bit on the lanky side. But something about his smile made Cress believe that he had probably been the most popular guy in high school. Cress, on the other hand, had definitely _not_ been the most popular girl.

"Hi Cress," said Kai. "It's so nice to finally meet you."

"Hi Kai," she said shyly, a blush already rising up on her cheeks. She really needed to stop being so nervous.

Kai held up the flowers. "I got these for you, but I just realized that probably they'll be annoying to carry around all morning." He scratched behind his ear, looking a little uncomfortable. "Do you want to go put them in your car?"

"I came with the subway," she said, accepting the flowers gladly. "But I don't really mind."

"Well, just let me know if you want me to carry them for you."

"I will."

Kai looked relieved and gestured with his head towards the booths behind him. "Shall we?"

"Sure!" she said, getting excited at all of the vendors and possible new accessories she might find today. It settled her nerves a bit.

They meandered a bit from booth to booth, and Cress was relieved to find that Kai was quite a gentleman. He had excellent manners, was really polite to everyone they interacted with, and seemed to have a refined response for most of the questions she asked. While she'd normally let the guy take over the conversation a bit to get over her nerves, Cress spent some time practically interrogating him to make sure he was normal. When she realized guiltily that she had been hogging most of the conversation, she tried to relax. Cress mentally blamed Ze'ev and Jacin for making her paranoid. This was a normal, nice, cute guy, and he was spending his morning with _her_. It was going well.

"So, you said you're just out of college," he asked, while she tried on a pretty artisan necklace. "What type of job are you looking for?"

She examined herself in the mirror, trying to decide if it looked good on her. "Do you like this necklace on me?" she asked.

"Sure, it's pretty."

It wasn't exactly the answer she wanted—she knew it was pretty, but at least he was humoring her. "I majored in Computer Science. I'm pretty good at it, to be honest, but I'm not really sure if I'm passionate about it."

"What are you passionate about?" he asked.

"I'm not totally sure. Still trying to figure that part out and how it might translate into a job," she admitted. "I've just always been good with computers. I really love the theater, though. Maybe I'll become an actress some day."

She took off the necklace and went to pay, but Kai insisted on buying it for her. She reluctantly let him get it—it wasn't that expensive, after all, and it was a nice gesture.

"Acting, huh. That's ambitious," he said after they'd left the booth.

"Well, Thorne—that's my best friend—always says I have my head in the clouds. I enjoy imagining things. Maybe I could apply it in a job."

"What types of things do you imagine?" Kai seemed genuinely curious, which surprised her.

"Just…me in different scenarios. Usually romantic ones." She blushed at her admission.

"I kind of thought that might be the case, based on your profile," said Kai. " _My ideal date is holding hands under the shooting stars_ ," he quoted, grinning.

Cress blushed even harder. "I forgot I wrote that. I set up that account one afternoon and I was probably delirious."

"So you don't want to hold hands under the stars?"

He had stopped to look at her, and his eyes practically paralyzed her in the way he was staring down at her. She wet her lips, becoming instantly nervous, and tried to think of something intelligent to say. Then he burst out laughing.

"I'm just teasing, Cress! I mean, it'd be nice if we got to that point, but maybe we can just start with a picnic in the park, what do you say?"

"Right now?"

"Well, when we're done with the market. We can get some food and bring it over to that park that's about two blocks away. Do you know it?"

"I love that park!" she said excitedly. "It might even have some lilacs around this time of year!"

"Perfect. Let's see if we can find some food then."

Kai weaved them through the market until they got to the food section. There was an olive-oil tasting stand, and Cress made them wait in line so they could try out different varieties. She was delighted when they both preferred the same flavor—an imported rosemary olive oil. The bread that accompanied it was almost as good. Kai then insisted that they try the cheeses. They ended up gorging themselves on all the samples until they barely wanted to buy any food to take to the park. They decided to get some dessert instead.

"Thorne would love this," she said, as they picked a variety of different truffles to bring with them. "He would never get up this early on a Saturday though."

Kai checked his watch. "It's almost 11:00."

"Well, let's just say he stays up rather late." The thought made her smile. He was probably still in bed even now, probably hitting snooze every ten minutes.

"What are you smiling about?" he asked.

"Oh, nothing," she said. "He's just kind of ridiculous some times."

"So you guys are close?" he asked.

"I grew up next to him. It's hard not to be."

"That's cool," he said. "I went to a boarding school, so I know what it's like to get close to the people who live next to you." He started to lead them away from the food. "I haven't been too good at keeping in touch with them, though."

"Boarding school, wow."

Cress tried to imagine Kai in a school uniform with lots of chattering girls in uniforms surrounding him. It was a fitting image.

"Oh!" said Kai suddenly. "I almost forgot, there's someone I want you to meet."

Cress nodded apprehensively. Who did Kai know? How would he introduce her? What would she say? All of the nerves that had gone away throughout the conversation swelled up inside of her again. She hoped he wasn't one of those guys that brought his parents everywhere. The date was going so well. _Please don't ruin it, please don't ruin it_ , she said silently.

She followed Kai to a small stand at the back of the market, where a pretty girl about their age sat looking bored, twirling a wrench with one hand. Behind her, all sorts of tools that Cress did not recognize lined the wall.

"Hey, Cinder!" said Kai, grinning.

Cinder nearly dropped her wrench. "Kai! Didn't see you coming. Thanks for stopping by!"

"Always do," he said with a wink, and leaned against the stand as if he owned it.

Cress looked at them suspiciously and waited, then cleared her throat.

"Oh!" said Kai, jumping up from the stand and putting his hand on the small of Cress' back. "Cress, this is Cinder. Cinder, Cress."

Cress was having trouble exchanging niceties because all she could focus on was how much she was enjoying the way Kai's hand felt against the fabric of her dress.

"Cinder and I are in an activist group together," Kai explained.

"Yes," said Cinder. "We're looking to eventually overthrow the government."

Cress stared at her. "Overthrow the government? Like…a coup?"

Kai laughed. "Heavens, no. We just know the truth about what's really going on behind the scenes."

"Don't listen to the media," said Cinder. "President Blackburn was only elected because she murdered the other candidate and managed to pass it off as a suicide."

"She's now infiltrated Congress using her minions to make everyone plot against those who would oppose her. She's going to turn our democracy into a dictatorship in the next four years," said Kai. He removed his hand from her back, and Cress let out a breath.

"So your political group is like…conspiracy theorists?"

"We just know the truth," said Cinder. Her voice was serious but still polite.

Cress, sure her eyes were wide, looked from Kai to Cinder, and then back again to Kai. He studied her briefly, before grinning again. "Well, it looks like that's enough politics for today, don't you think?"

"Um, yes," Cress mumbled.

Cinder picked up her wrench again. "Where are you two headed?"

"We're going to the park for a picnic," said Kai.

"Nice day for that sort of thing." She smiled knowingly at Kai, who nodded, then waved as they turned to walk away.

"Have fun with your, uh, tools," said Cress.

"Cinder and I got into a lot of trouble during our college years," he said proudly. "Let's just say that I needed an outlet after being cooped up in boarding school for so long."

"What kind of trouble?"

"Just protests and things like that. Sorry, by the way, if we came off a little strong back there. It's just important to know what's really going on, you know?"

Cress shrugged. She didn't follow politics at all. Kai seemed to be a bit too enthusiastic about the whole thing, but she probably shouldn't hold it against him. It was a good thing that he cared about corruption and justice. Even if the whole conversation with Cinder had slightly terrified her. She forced herself to relax again.

"I'm not really into politics," she admitted.

"That's okay," said Kai. "We don't have to talk about it anymore if you don't want to."

"Okay, thanks. I'm still excited about the desserts we bought, though."

"Me too."

They walked to the park and their conversation drifted back to more normal topics. As they began to observe the lilac trees that were popping up on their way to the picnic tables, Cress' mind wandered to more time with Kai in the future. And maybe even kissing him. Political views aside, he was sweet, kind, and very good-looking. He had handled some of her awkwardness well, which she had to give him credit for. She realized that she _wanted_ to spend more time with him. So when he asked if she would want to go on another date, she happily said yes. When they talked about what they might like to do, Cress suggested a double date with Thorne and Kate. It had come out spontaneously, probably because of her conversations with Thorne about Kai earlier, but in the end it was a good idea.

If Kai was going to be a part of her life, then the sooner he got to know Thorne, the better. And she, unfortunately, had to get to know Kate eventually, too. What were best friends for otherwise, if not to support each other?


	5. Chapter 5

When they arrived, the restaurant was crowded—much too crowded for Cress' liking, if she were honest. The line for a table looked atrocious, and people stood packed together as they waited. The live band that played jazz music was talented but loud, making it hard to hear. A square platform for dancing was beneath the stage, and many people were already moving about. While she was excited to be dining at such a fancy restaurant, the mass of bodies and noise made Cress want to turn and flee.

Luckily, Kai knew someone who worked there and had managed to get them a table ahead of time, so they were able to push past the throng of people. Considering the "No Reservations Accepted" sign that blared in neon above the hostess station, it felt as though they were with an important VIP. Kai had chosen this locale after she had conferred with Thorne for a date that worked for Kate and him as well. It had taken three weeks to find a time that suited everyone, so Cress had already been on five other dates with Kai since the day they had met in the market. While they were still in the process of getting to know each other, Cress was beginning to fall for him. He was always quite agreeable, funny, handsome, and interesting.

They had even shared their first kiss. Like a true gentleman, he had waited three dates before it had happened. And when it did, it had been slow and sweet and the textbook definition of perfect—just as she had hoped it would be. Kai certainly knew a thing or two about being romantic. He had brought her stargazing after all, just as he had joked about the first day that they'd met. Instead of just watching the stars, they'd also watched a fireworks display in the distance, and it was then that he had kissed her. He had admitted later that he'd known they were taking place on the other side of the city that night, and that's why he had chosen that particular spot. Cress was thrilled to finally be with someone who appreciated romance the way she did.

Not like Thorne, who had laughed at Kai's inability to "seal the deal" with a kiss before the third date. He thought it showed a lack of initiative on his part. Thorne said that _real men_ could know whether a girl would appreciate a kiss already on the first date or not, and if it was going well, then why wouldn't he go for it? He also thought Kai's choice of fireworks and stargazing was over-the-top cheesy. She had defended Kai passionately, of course, until Thorne had broken down laughing and said that he actually didn't care at all what method Kai used to woo Cress so long as he was a good guy. Despite his laughter, though, he had still managed to block Cress' playful punch of retaliation.

Now, as they walked through the crowds to their table in the back, Cress almost wished that it was Thorne's hand on her back guiding her instead of Kai's. Not because she didn't appreciate the way Kai's touch was sending a tingling sensation down her spine, but because Thorne knew how suffocated she felt in big groups like this. She associated Thorne with familiarity, and familiarity was what she needed at this very moment. But she had to give Kai some credit—they'd only been out five times, after all. He would get to the point where he knew her well enough to know what types of spaces made her feel slightly nervous and uncomfortable. Besides, maybe on other nights it wasn't so crowded.

She felt a little better when they arrived at their table. It was a somewhat secluded booth with a translucent purple curtain partially hanging over the front of their table, giving them more privacy than some of the tables in the middle. The music was still loud, but Kai's smile was assuring and his hand was steady against her back as he scooted closer to her. Thorne eyed both of them, a quirk of a smile playing on his lips, and put his arm around Kate too. She leaned into his shoulder, though a bored look grazed her otherwise pretty face. The waiter came with their menus, but Cress was distracted as she observed Kate and Thorne.

Kate twiddled with a button on Thorne's dress shirt. "Want to share food, baby?"

Thorne almost grimaced, and Cress suppressed a laugh. Thorne always had a big appetite. He ran his fingers through some strands of her long, auburn hair. "How about you get whatever you want, and I'll eat some of whatever is left over after I've finished my own plate?"

She scowled and fiddled some more, then trailed her fingers up Thorne's collar to the slight stubble on his chin. "Baby," she whined, drawing out the y with a pout, "that's not the point."

Thorne said something else, but Cress missed it because Kai put his menu in front of Cress and asked her opinion on a few dishes. It was a French-Cajun fusion restaurant, and Cress hadn't even heard of half the dishes, so she let Kai pick out a few different options for the two of them. She felt a sting of pride that her date not only knew about all different types of cuisines, but also had inside connections to people who worked there.

As they waited for their food, the conversation bordered on awkward as they tried to find topics that all of them were interested in. Cress was getting a little worried that they wouldn't bond about anything until Kai brought up politics. She put her hand over Kai's, trying to keep him from beginning a rant about his conspiracy theories, but to his surprise, Kate jumped into the conversation rather animatedly. Thorne and Cress exchanged glances as Kate and Kai debated the current state of the government, country, and even world. It seemed that both of them were surprised at Kate's in-depth knowledge of international affairs.

It started to get slightly heated when Kai began to bring up his theories on President Blackburn's corruption. Kate was beginning to look at him as though he were crazy, but Kai kept on talking as though it were really normal to refer to the government like one in the heart of a dystopian young adult novel. Kate was a particular fan of Senator Park, one of President Blackburn's "henchmen"—according to Kai—and since Thorne cared about politics as little as Cress did, the two of them began to talk on their own.

"Look at them go at it," he whispered, eyes wide.

"I know," said Cress.

"It's terrifying," he said.

"Totally," she agreed.

"Your boyfriend is pretty passionate about this," he said, then paused before leaning across the table to Cress. "Are we calling him your boyfriend?"

Cress considered. "I think so," she said, trying to hide her smile. "And Kate is passionate about it too," she added.

"Passionate about fighting with Kai," he remarked. "It's very important to her that she wins."

"That's not…" Cress bit her lip and reconsidered. "Winning isn't always the most important thing," she said pointedly.

He took a sip of his drink and raised an eyebrow at her. "So Kai seems cool. I think I like him."

She gave him a look. "You've barely spoken to him."

He shrugged. "You know I have good instincts about these things. After all, I picked him."

"That's the _only_ reason you like him," she said, sticking out her tongue.

"Like who?" asked Kate suddenly.

"Senator Park," said Thorne sweetly.

Kai's eyes blazed. "Not you too! He's totally in on the plot with President Blackburn."

" _Thorne_ likes him," Kate shot back.

Thorne cleared his throat. "So, anyone see that new sci-fi movie yet? The one about the moon colony?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "Oh stars, Thorne, not another one." She shook her head at Cress. "He _loves_ sci-fi movies."

"I know," said Cress.

"I keep telling him it's time to grow out of it. No respectable man still fantasizes about spaceships. It's so embarassing." She made a face at Thorne.

"Hey now!" said Thorne. "Don't go knocking my hobbies." His tone was lighthearted, but Cress could see that he was slightly dejected.

"I think spaceships are cool," said Cress defensively.

"You see!" said Thorne, gesturing to Cress.

"It's not like it's _her_ decision whether they're cool or not," said Kate.

"They're not that bad," Kai cut in, putting his arm around Cress again. "What kind of movies do you like, Kate?"

"Romantic movies, obviously."

He nodded enthusiastically. "Of course, of course. Cress likes romantic movies too. Any suggestions for a date night?"

Kate, slightly placated, began to talk about some of the movies she'd seen recently, and what movies were good for which types of romantic settings. They all managed to join in the conversation, and the mood lightened considerably when the food arrived. Soon they were all contentedly chewing—even Kate. She stole lots of bites from Thorne's plate, which made him reciprocate from hers, much to her protests. They were kind of cute, Cress supposed. Kai, on the other hand, was meticulously slicing his meat with such perfection that she wondered if he hadn't learned this type of etiquette at the boarding school he'd been sent to as a child. His table manners made the rest of them look like slobs. Still, he was sweet enough to let her try some of her food, though he piled it respectfully on her plate instead of letting her steal it from him.

Though she was quite stuffed from eating far too much, she accepted Kai's hand when he invited her to dance after they had finished eating. At first, she was nervous, considering that she didn't know any of the steps, but Kai was such a great dancer that her apprehension was quickly forgotten. He knew all the steps, and then some. They quickly became the cutest couple out on the platform—she was sure of it. Kai spun and dipped her whenever he could, and she laughed more than she had in a long time. Every time his face came close to hers, she felt the same rush of sensation run through her. He was just so good looking that his body pressed close to hers combined with his dance moves were literally sweeping her off of her feet.

When a slow song finally came on, she relaxed into his arms. She snuck a glance back at their table and quickly looked away when she caught sight of Thorne and Kate making out in the booth. Kai glanced over after seeing her look down, probably catching the blush that she was sure was forming on her cheeks.

He chuckled and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Good thing the booth isn't so conspicuous."

She laughed too.

"They seem like they're good for each other," he said.

She stared at Kate and Thorne absentmindedly. "You think?"

"They both have pretty strong personalities. They'll keep each other in check." He pulled her closer, and she rested her cheek against the crook of his shoulder, but she didn't feel at ease. She still didn't think that Kate was a good fit for Thorne. She was bossy and whiny and slightly controlling. Or was that just Cress being too protective of Thorne, if Kai hadn't observed the same thing during dinner? Was she just too picky? Thorne was such a great guy and she only wanted the best for him.

"I don't know if she treats him right," she murmured.

"Thorne seems like he can handle himself," said Kai, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Don't worry."

A second slow song came on, and the smooth notes of the saxophone carried Cress' thoughts to a mixture of jumbled emotions. "Do you really like her though?" she insisted.

He pulled back and stared at her. "I like _you_ , Cress."

Her cheeks heated. "I know…that's not what I meant. I…I like you too, of course."

"I know," he said, smiling. "I just wanted to make sure we were talking about the same thing." He inched closer, so close that his lips were almost on hers. "I'm glad I got to know some of your friends," he said. His voice was breathy and hard to hear above the music. "I want to get to know everything about you."

Then he kissed her, and she forgot her worries.


	6. Chapter 6

"I miss you already."

Cress giggled into the phone. "You just saw me"—she checked her phone—"fifteen hours ago."

"I know," Kai groaned. "Too long ago."

Thorne nudged Cress with his foot and gestured at the couch with his head. _Come on_ , he mouthed. Cress kicked him lightly in the toe, making him wince. _Go away,_ she mouthed back.

"I miss you too," she said to Kai.

"Phew," he replied. "I was getting worried it was just me."

"No." She lowered her voice and turned away from Thorne. "When can I see you again?"

"Now?" asked Kai.

She glanced behind her. "It's Sunday. I'm with Thorne."

Kai let out a huge sigh. "I know. Fine. I understand."

"I'll see soon," she said.

"You better."

Thorne snorted in her ear and she nearly dropped the phone. He had leaned right behind her in an attempt to listen in on the conversation without her noticing. She glared at him as his body began shaking from quiet laughter.

"Have a great day, Kai."

A hesitation. "Hey, Cress?"

"Yes?"

"Sometimes, when I'm with you, I think you're using mind powers on me or something. Even when we're gone. Why else would I think about you so much?"

Cress managed to bid him farewell and hang up, despite Thorne now laughing out loud beside her.

"Oh my stars!" Thorne managed to get out, holding his sides. "Mind powers? That is the cheesiest thing I have ever heard in my life." His shoulders shook the more he talked.

"He's not cheesy!"

He tilted his head at her in the _I'm-not-buying-your-bullshit_ way he tended to do. She rolled her eyes.

"Fine, it's a little cheesy."

"But Damsel Darnel likes cheesy," he sang, standing up too as she walked in the direction of the couch, avoiding eye contact. "You're not escaping me that quickly, my lady." He suddenly attacked from behind, and Cress burst out in laughter as he grabbed her waist, tickling her with no mercy. "You like it, you like it, you like it," he teased as she started shrieking, trying to defend herself. "You've found your dream cheesy man."

"Ahh!"

Eyes glowing mischievously, he picked Cress up and spun her around as if she weighed nothing. She stopped laughing and just began smiling until he threw her in the air and then enveloped her in a bear hug as he caught her. Her legs still dangling, he pulled her back so he was facing her. His typical carefree grin made her heart nearly burst with joy.

"I'm so—" he stopped, his forehead knitting and his grin slipping away momentarily. He dropped her on the ground quickly. "I'm so happy for you," he said, though something about the way he said it made Cress feel strange.

"You okay, Captain?"

He shuffled over to the couch. "Yeah, just got dizzy for a second. I'm getting too old for these things, it seems." He reached for the ice cream sandwiches he'd put in a bowl while she had been on the phone. "I wonder if these little babies are sweeter than your boyfriend."

"Thorne, stop making fun of him." She couldn't keep the smile off of her face, though, as she practically flew to the couch and leaned against him. He put his arm around her like usual, and she snuggled into his shoulder. "Thanks so much," she said.

"For what?"

"For encouraging me to sign up on the e-dating site." She squeezed her arms around him happily. "For picking Kai."

Thorne chewed his ice cream sandwich. "Told you I knew how to pick 'em."

"You did."

"You should probably listen to me more often," he added.

She hugged him again, only then noticing that he wasn't wearing his usual hoodie. Cress sat up and inspected him. He had on jeans and a polo shirt. On a Sunday.

"What's with your outfit?"

He looked down quickly. "What? Did I drip something on it?"

Cress pulled at the collar of his shirt. "Where's your hoodie?"

He shrugged. "Didn't feel like wearing one today."

"Weren't you out with Kate last night?" she asked suspiciously.

"Course. Doesn't mean I can't look nice today."

"Hmm."

"You should appreciate it, Cress. I look _good_."

"I look better," she said.

Thorne nearly choked on his ice cream. "Wow. You hang out with a guy who gives you some compliments and suddenly you're as cocky as me."

She shimmied her shoulders at him. His eyebrows shot way up. Then he looked around the room wildly before squinting his eyes at her and frowning.

"What?"

He squinted some more. "Just looking for my best friend. You know, shy, kind of quiet, hopeless romantic. It seems like some alien has inhabited her body today."

"Oh, please."

He came very, very close to her. It wasn't unusual, but the way he was staring her down made the heat rise up in her cheeks. He broke out in a grin. "Aha, a blush! It must be you after all."

"Let's just watch the movie. What did you pick today?"

He held out the DVD to her. Her eyes widened. "This is a romantic comedy!"

"And?"

"It's about time we watched one of these." She grinned at him. "Don't get me wrong, I love sci-fi and fantasy movies, but they get old sometimes."

He nodded. "Well I'm glad you approve. I was worried that maybe you'd been watching too many of them with Kai lately."

"He does like watching whatever I want to watch," she mused.

"I'm sure he does," said Thorne, but his eyes twinkled even as he teased her.

They settled back to watch the movie, Cress grabbing an ice cream sandwich too. The plot was funny and made the two of them laugh a lot, but Cress' thoughts were elsewhere. For the first time in what seemed like forever, she could watch these types of movies without pining for anyone. She finally had a boyfriend who cared about her, thought she was interesting and pretty, and was open about his feelings for her. She felt happier than ever as she leaned against her oldest friend, the guy who was partially responsible for making all of this happen. She noticed, though, that Thorne didn't reciprocate any of her physical contact with his usual arm around her. In fact, sometimes she got the distinct impression that he was trying to inch away from her. Cress wasn't quite sure why it bothered her.

"Hey, Thorne?" she said. "Want to spend the rest of the day together? Extend to dinner too?"

Thorne let out a sigh before he paused the movie. "Aren't you going to see Kai later?"

"We didn't make any concrete plans," she said. "Are you going to see Kate?"

"No."

"Well then why not? It's been a while since we've had an extended amount of time together—just you and me."

He considered. "Captain and Damsel for the win?"

"Always," she said.

"Right," he said, turning the movie on again. Under his breath, he added, "Always."


	7. Chapter 7

Sandwiched between Thorne and Kai, Cress munched her popcorn with intent and deliberation. The movie blared in front of her—some sort of action hero film that she was not at all into—but she wasn't paying attention. Instead, her eyes flitted back and forth between her two companions. Kai sat cross-legged to her right, tossing his own popcorn into his mouth and lapping up the movie, eyes wide and face bright. To her left, however, sat a scowling Thorne. At least, she thought he was scowling. Always lighthearted and borderline too content for his own good, Cress wasn't used to seeing him like this.

At first, she wondered if he was sick. Since Thorne had hosted, Kai and Cress had cooked, but they hadn't made anything particularly special, and she and Kai felt fine. Instead, Cress had the distinct impression that her best friend was not at all pleased to be watching the movie with them. He had mostly behaved normally during their meal, though she had needed to shoot him some glares when he'd persisted in asking Kai too many personal questions.

"I don't see why Kai has to come," he'd said on Friday, when Cress had broached the subject.

"He's my boyfriend and we don't spend enough time together as is," she had said, admittedly a bit defensively.

"Don't spend enough time together? You spend practically ever day together!"

"Kai's been away on his first business trip since we've been together, Thorne. He's eager to see me and he won't be back until late on Saturday night. It's kind of a big commitment to always have every single Sunday blocked out, when you think about it." She didn't mention that she had almost suggested canceling their Sunday date just so she could go to Kai's house and have him all to herself.

Thorne had only grunted in response.

"You can bring Kate," she had suggested.

Thorne had grimaced. "It's not that. Sunday has just always been _our_ day. I like having the time with you. We can de-stress. Decompress. Discuss."

Chewing her popcorn thoughtfully now, Cress was pretty sure that Thorne hadn't appreciated her joking about his ability to use alliteration. One side of her lips quirked up at the memory, but just as quickly fell when she realized that Thorne might be hiding something else from her: he just didn't like Kai.

Recently, he had stopped asking for details about their relationship. Where he was nosy before, he was closed off now. Instead, he had taken to shrugging and making little "hmm" remarks when she brought him up. She hadn't dwelled on it much earlier, but sitting on the couch between the two of them made it seem painfully clear.

But how could he not like Kai? Kai was impossible _not_ to like. He had never been anything but a complete gentleman in the presence of Thorne. She gushed about him often, hardly ever complaining about anything he did, so it wasn't that Thorne had protectively picked up on some bad habit of his if she hadn't. And he certainly hadn't hurt Cress. Wasn't that what Thorne had said from the beginning—that as long as she was happy, he was happy?

She snuck a glance at him. He was dressed up again, probably trying not to look disorderly in front of Kai, who almost always dressed up. Thorne dressed up too, though—just not on Sundays. That made three Sundays in a row now. He had said he didn't want to talk about it, though, so she hadn't mentioned it again after the first time.

He did not make eye contact with her, even as she watched him. His scowl was quickly replaced with a look of complete and utter boredom, as if this was the last place in the world he wanted to be. He flicked at a popcorn kernel that had fallen on the couch. It was another thing he had objected to—eating popcorn.

"We always have desserts during the movie. Just because Kai's here once we have to change our whole routine?" Luckily, he had only mentioned that when Kai had been in the bathroom. At least he wasn't being full-on rude. Cress could read right through some of his fake smiles, though.

A hand snaked its way around her shoulder, and Cress smiled at Kai's surprise touch. Nothing was better than cuddling during a movie. His finger traced up until it reached her neck and a lock of her hair, and he tickled her with it. She giggled, sliding closer to him, but her giddiness halted when she noticed that Thorne had become a statue on the other side of her. _Oh stars_ , she thought, he really _didn't_ like Kai.

"Hey, Cress," he said, still not looking at her.

She shrugged away from Kai, sitting up. It was hard to hear anything over all the shooting currently taking place on the screen. "Yes?"

"I forgot to tell you earlier—my parents wanted me to invite you to dinner next Saturday."

Cress tried to hide her look of surprise. Thorne rarely saw his parents anymore.

Kai uncrossed his legs and straightened. "Is that far away?"

"About an hour, in our old neighborhood," said Thorne.

"I can drop you off," said Kai. "It'd be nice to see where you grew up."

"It wouldn't be nice for Cress," Thorne commented.

Cress set her jaw. There was a time, when they were younger, when she would have given anything to have someone defend her so she wouldn't have to talk about her family. Often crushed by her own timidness and nerves, Thorne had usually stepped in. But she was older now, out of college, and no longer living with them. She didn't need him to speak for her anymore. "There isn't really anything to show," she clarified. "I can tell you about it some other time."

Kai frowned the way he did when he was concerned, not angry, about something. "Would you prefer if I didn't drive you, then?"

She hesitated. If she went, the only reason she'd be going would be to support Thorne. When he had barely become a teenager, his parents had stopped paying much attention to him, though they had always seemed to have an—often negative—opinion on everything he did. She had gotten used to awkward dinners with the Thornes during that period. If his parents were inviting him over, then he was inviting her over so that he wouldn't have to spend an evening alone with them. "It's an hour away," she said, shrugging.

"I'll take her," said Thorne. "Makes no sense for the two of us to drive separately."

"You can pick me up when it's done," said Cress.

"No way are you leaving me there alone," said Thorne. His eyes had turned a twinge desperate. "I don't really get along with my parents, Kai. It's nothing personal."

"Of course," said Kai. "It's no problem."

Cress beamed. A gentleman as always. She squeezed his hand. "Thanks for understanding."

"I'm sorry you didn't have such a great childhood," he said.

Cress leaned in for a kiss while Thorne muttered, "I can't believe she hasn't told you about her childhood." Cress ignored him.

* * *

Thorne's house towered over her own. She had always wondered what kind of person would think to build a little house next to a mansion—it was hardly aesthetically pleasing, to say the least. Now, as they pulled into his long driveway, telling herself how silly it looked helped to distract her from the pit that always formed in her stomach whenever she returned to Luna Road.

Thorne glanced at her as he parked the car outside of the garage. "Don't even give them a second thought, Cress. Not worth it."

She hugged herself. "Do they still live there?"

"Who cares? You have other family now."

"Would we call Dr. Erland _family_?"

Thorne's lips twitched. "Cress. You need to stop calling him Dr. Erland. He's your dad."

"But I don't know him."

"He wants to be a part of your life." Thorne took off his seatbelt and sighed, looking upward. "Give him a chance."

Cress had given him a chance. She'd met with him six times since she'd found out that her biological father was not the person who she had grown up with. It had been strange and uncomfortable and jarring. He had said he loved her; she hadn't replied.

"The way you're giving your family a chance?"

"Totally different scenario. I have a good feeling about this guy."

Cress raised her eyebrows. "The same way you had a good feeling about Kai?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Cress tried to think of how to best form her question about when Thorne had decided that he no longer liked Kai, but he had already gotten out of the car by the time she'd had the chance to form a coherent sentence. "Come on, Damsel," he said. "You know Mr. and Mrs. Thorne don't like to be kept waiting."

"Okay, Carswell," she said sweetly.

He glared.

* * *

"Cress, dear," said Eveline Thorne, passing her a cup of steaming tea. "Do tell us what you're doing for a job now that you've graduated. Carswell's been quite mum about the whole thing."

"I'm still looking," said Cress.

"She's interning," said Thorne, winking at Cress. "Unpaid at the moment but could lead to quite the career later on."

"Oh?" said Kingsley Thorne, his deep voice practically reverberating in their sitting room.

Cress smoothed down the dress she was wearing, palms sweaty, sure that the lie was making her face red. Thorne puffed up his chest. "She's designing jewelery for an artisan shop."

Cress laughed nervously. If only she were really doing that, instead of wasting away the grace period on her loans while she desperately tried to figure out what she wanted to do with her life. Kai had even offered her the chance to work at his father's company in the IT department, but she had turned him down quite quickly. She could get a job almost anywhere working with computers, and she didn't want anyone dishing out favors for her—especially not her new boyfriend.

"But you were a Computer Science major, weren't you dear?" said Eveline.

"Yes, but I—"

"Shame in wasting all that knowledge for an unpaid internship," said Kingsley.

"It's none of your business," said Thorne.

"It's fine," said Cress quietly. The Thornes were the least of her worries. There had been a time when she had desperately searched for their approval, but had learned quickly that the Thornes were not the type to really approve of anything. They had let her sleep over countless times without telling her parents, though, so she never quite had the heart to be anything but polite to them. Besides, if they focused on her, then they wouldn't berate Thorne for all of his supposed failures. That was why she was here. They were a team, always looking out for each other.

Captain and Damsel.

"I have a boyfriend," she said, not knowing if the Thornes would even remotely care. At least it was a change of subject.

His parents exchanged a look. "Oh?" said Eveline. "Carswell didn't tell us that either."

"Carswell's been busy," Thorne muttered. He reached down and scratched Boots, his pet cat. Cress loved watching Thorne with Boots—it was as if he were playing with a baby. Whenever he was particularly mad at his parents, he threatened to take her away from their household and let her live with him in his apartment.

"Does that mean you won't be coming to Mary's wedding?" asked Eveline.

"Mother," said Thorne.

"Who's Mary?" asked Cress. She tried to reach down and pet Boots too, but she was too busy nuzzling Thorne's foot to pay any attention to Cress.

"His cousin," said Kingsley.

Thorne picked up Boots and cradled her. "His cousin who he never, ever speaks to and just wants money so she can buy expensive things for her new house," he cooed.

Cress tried to stifle her giggle. Kingsley Thorne frowned. Unlike Kai, his frown was always mean and condescending. "You're going to the wedding," he said. "Mary is family. Whether you want to bring Cress or not is your choice."

"Yes, Sir," said Thorne sarcastically. The look of warning Kingsley shot back made Thorne cringe. Cress wondered sometimes if Thorne's family was just as bad as hers had been. She knew that they had never hit him or locked him away when he had been bad, but she knew that he had been emotionally hurt by his parents often. He didn't want to admit it, of course, and she rarely dared bring it up, but she'd seen the aftermath of a Carswell-Kingsley yelling match. It was never pretty.

"I can go," she piped up. "I don't mind."

Eveline beamed. "Such a good girl."

Thorne snorted. "You didn't even tell her when it is. Maybe she's busy. _With her boyfriend,_ " he added pointedly.

"It's on the 23rd at the club," said Eveline.

"Yippy," said Thorne.

"I'm free," Cress volunteered.

* * *

They were silent on the ride back for all but ten minutes before Cress turned abruptly to Thorne. "Why am I going to this wedding?"

"Sorry you got put on the spot," he said, shaking his head. "I didn't know she was going to ask you."

"Thorne, that's not what I'm asking. Why aren't you bringing Kate?"

"Oh, that." Thorne drummed his finger on the steering wheel. "Yeah."

"Well?"

"We, uh…we broke up."

Cress reached out for his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Thorne. You seemed a little more serious about this one." It was the least insensitive thing she could offer. Thorne went through a lot of girlfriends. Still, Kate had lasted much longer than some of his other ones.

He shrugged. "It wouldn't have worked out. She wanted to go to San Francisco to get a graduate degree in engineering."

"Engineering?" Cress tried to whistle the way Thorne usually did, but it was weak and lacked the effect she had hoped for. "I didn't realize she was that smart."

"Pretty much a genius," he said. "Really good at math. It was hard to tell if you didn't know her, I suppose."

"Ah."

"Yeah."

"When'd you break up with her?"

He winced. "Technically, she broke up with me. It wasn't too long after the double date with Kai. Something about how I'm not _serious_ enough."

Cress gripped his shoulder. "You guys broke up more than two weeks ago and you didn't tell me?"

He faked an apologetic look that made Cress narrow her eyes. "You've been busy," he said. "It was no big deal, though. I don't care. A new girl will be lining up before you know it."

Cress stared out the window in mock defiance, not sure if she should feel bad for him or be angry that he had withheld such vital information from her. But now that she knew, she was glad to discern that he clearly wasn't holding any grudges against Kai at all. He was probably just lonely. Had she known, she never would have invited Kai over to join them for their Sunday date. There wasn't anything worse than being a third wheel right after being dumped.

Deciding she leaned on the side of feeling sorry for him, she said, "Don't worry, I'll go to Mary's wedding with you. It'll be fun."

He grinned. "Fun may be an over-statement, but if you're coming it'll at least be bearable."


	8. Chapter 8

Cress drove to the Sahara Club, happy to be alone with her thoughts for the half hour ride on Pike 29. Since she had started dating Kai, it had become a juggling game to find time for herself. If she thought about it objectively, she was spending more time with Kai than she probably should. If she could spend even _half_ that time looking for a job, she would likely be employed by now. But it wasn't much fun to think objectively when she was in the midst of moonlight strolls along the lakefront.

She was pretty sure that she was falling in love with Kai—hard. She'd admitted it to Thorne on the phone a week ago, just to get his opinion about when it was okay to say that sort of thing to a guy at their age and whether she should wait for him to say it first. His response hadn't been what she'd hoped. Sure, she'd expected a bit of teasing, but Thorne had right out scoffed and told her that it was way too soon for her to be in love.

He'd asked her questions like, "Do you even know Kai well enough for that?" and "How can you be in love _already_?"

When she'd answered to the best of her ability, he'd practically mocked her. "Cress, you're just romanticizing the idea of love. You're in love with love, not Kai." Annoyed and frustrated, she hadn't backed down, which had taken _him_ by surprise in turn. But Thorne was always telling her that she should stick up for herself more, so he should have appreciated that she took his advice.

He'd been acting a bit off in general, though, so she forgave him quickly for not being sensitive about what she had hoped would be a serious discussion. His ego was clearly bruised from his breakup, as he'd been clingier since he'd admitted that Kate had dumped him. Shortly thereafter, he'd started complaining that they never got to spend any time alone anymore.

In reality, it had only been two weeks since she'd seen Thorne. There was some guilt in her about not having met him for the Sunday lunch date for the past two weeks, but she had spent her entire Saturday three weeks ago at Thorne's parents' house, and now she was going to spend an entire day at a wedding with him for a cousin that he didn't even like.

She knew she probably should have paid more attention to him, but Kai had taken her on _a hot air balloon trip last week._ She could still hardly believe her luck. The ride had exceeded all expectations—the scenery, the company, the romance of it all. It would have been silly to not go, just because it was on a Sunday and Sundays usually belonged to Thorne.

Why did she use the term _belong_ anyway? Kai and Cress were the ones who were dating, not Thorne and Cress. Sure, they were best friends, but relationships had to take priority over friendships at some point, didn't they?

Sighing, she turned off of the pike into the ritzy neighborhood that led to the country club. The mansions that she passed ridiculed even Thorne's childhood home. Rumor had it, President Blackburn had once had a house in these parts, so it had become more famous since she'd been elected. Cress now knew more about Levana Blackburn than she could ever hope to know. Kai had finally convinced her to go to a protest rally with him this week. It had been…enlightening, to say the least. She wasn't sure if she was ready to talk about it yet, not even with Kai.

Though she wasn't a big fan of Thorne's extended family either—at least what she'd met of them—she was thrilled to have more excuses to dress up properly. With Kai, cute dresses and trendier outfits had become her norm, which gave her an excuse to shop online more. Dressing up in black tie attire for a wedding, though, was more atypical of her dates with Kai. Cress had always loved evening gowns, and she'd picked out the perfect dress for this occasion.

She parked, got out of the car, and sent Kai a dozen selfies. Her friend, Iko, had done her hair and makeup, and she wished he were here to see it. When he didn't reply, she stuffed the cell into her clutch. At least someone would get to see it in person.

The Sahara Club was, as Thorne liked to say, pretentious and pampered. She had been there only a few times before with the Thornes for a Sunday brunch and some time in the pool while his parents golfed, but she'd never seen it by night before. It was decked out like a gala, with curtains, chandeliers and red carpets, and plenty of limousines to drop off guests. The bouquets were mostly white and cream, and Cress took a selfie of herself with a white rose held against her periwinkle gown.

Her eyes swept the parlor room again before there was a tap on her shoulder. She spun around, almost falling into Thorne's arms. Embarrassed, she righted herself quickly.

Thorne gaped at her with such intensity that a blush rose on her cheeks before a smile broke onto his face. "Wow," he breathed, shaking his head. "You look…wow."

Cress, so ecstatic that he appreciated her dress that she was unable to stop herself from grinning, did a little curtsy. "Why thank you, Captain. You look quite dapper yourself."

His black tux was well-fitted and sharp-looking, complete with shiny dress shoes and cufflinks. He was missing only a bowtie to make it as formal as the venue felt. Instead, he wore a silver tie tucked under his matching vest. She hadn't seen him this dressed up since prom, though back then he didn't have the same broad shoulders to fill out the tux, nor the chiseled jawline that had come with his final growth spurt during the summer between high school and college. She smiled fondly at the memory, remembering that he used to be rather short. Not as much as her, of course, but these days he towered over her even when she wore heels.

Thorne pulled at the collar of his tie uncomfortably, trying to loosen it. "I know I look good, obviously, but I feel ridiculous. Like a penguin."

"Hmm," she said, reaching up to adjust his tie for him. On the underside was a small pendant of a spaceship, probably a token of his inner rebellion against his family forcing him to dress up. It was so _him_. "Imagine we're on the Titanic."

He looked down at her, brows raised. "What?"

"You're Jack. I'm Rose. We're trying to impress all the rich people at the fancy dinner party. Well," she said, stepping back from him to inspect her work, "maybe not impress. But at least not make fools of ourselves."

He extended his arm to her. "You and your imagination."

"I tell you, it works." She linked her arm with his and they began to walk down a long corridor. "It helps with confidence."

"I'd prefer a scenario that doesn't involve me dying of hypothermia, Cress." He halted them and looked past her to the right, where the doors led to the chapel. "On second thought, an iceberg doesn't sound so bad right now. I despise them so much."

She nudged him. "It'll be fine."

"So long as we're as fake as possible, it'll be great. Thanks again for coming, Cress."

"Of course."

He exhaled and straightened. "Come on, let's get this over with."

* * *

"I'm bored," said Thorne. "Can we get out of here and do something fun?"

Cress patted his leg. "The dancing only just started. It'd be rude to leave."

"You're way too good of a person. It's annoying."

She ignored him and stabbed her fork into a mystery truffle. The first one she'd tried eating had been unfortunately filled with a cherry cream, to her dismay, but she hoped she would have more luck this time. "I think they're cute together."

"Cress, you think anyone who's getting married is cute together."

"I do not."

She bit into her truffle and a delightful champagne flavor that matched her drink filled her taste buds. "Mmm," she added. "Try this." She shoved it into his mouth before he could start some sort of speech about love again. She did not want to bring up a discussion about her feelings for Kai again.

"That truffle is disgusting," he said, sticking out his tongue.

She glared at him. "You just don't like it because _they_ purchased it. If I had bought this for one of our Sundays, you would have eaten like ten of them."

His eyes softened. "Well, that's because—"

"Ladies and gentleman, the bride and groom request your presence on the dance floor!"

Thorne and Cress exchanged a look at the over-enthusiasm of the emcee who had been making announcements throughout dinner. Cress' dress swished around her ankles as Thorne helped her up. She really did feel like she was on the Titanic now, with the live band and elegant people crowding around the bride and groom.

"Please join the happy couple for a waltz!" said the emcee.

"Why?" said Thorne, a little too loudly. "All they've done is play these boring slow songs."

"Are you nervous because you don't know how to ballroom dance?" she whispered, extending her hands to him. She had no idea how to do a waltz, but she supposed they could just sway to the music.

He lifted her hand and spun her, then halted her with his hand against the small of her back. He dipped her backward until she squealed. "Do you not remember those etiquette classes that I had to take when I turned twelve?"

"I thought you skipped all of those."

He brought her back up and pulled her into a respectable distance for such a dance, one hand around her waist, the other held up against hers. She placed her free hand on his shoulder. "I still learned a thing or two," he said, shrugging.

He began to glide across the floor with her, slipping easily between the other couples. They weren't the best dancers by far, and she nearly stepped on his feet every few counts, but she had never felt so elegant before—especially not with Thorne.

"Thorne, you're incredible."

He smirked. "By all means, continue."

"I'm serious! Have you told your girlfriends that you can dance like this?"

His smirk faded, quickly replaced by another shrug of the shoulders and a distant look in his eyes. "This isn't my scene. There's no way this would come up in a conversation."

"You could totally win someone over with this fact."

"I don't usually have trouble winning people over, Cress."

She rolled her eyes. "Always so arrogant."

"Sometimes…" he paused, considering. "Sometimes I think I'm winning over the wrong people. The wrong girls," he added.

"Don't worry about Kate," she said.

He missed a step. "Oh, I wasn't thinking about Kate."

"Oh," said Cress.

Two waltzes over, there was a brief pause as the band changed music, allowing them to part and Thorne to readjust his tie again. Another slow song came on, and it took her a moment to place it before she recognized it as a popular wedding ballad from the 90's.

"Finally one we know!" she said, holding her arms out to him.

"No," said Thorne. "You're joking. Boyz II Men?"

"Well, sort of," she said, still waiting for him to accept the dance. "Just without words."

"Well that's just wrong," said Thorne, taking her hands into his. "The words are what makes this song… _such a classic_."

Cress giggled, which only encouraged Thorne. The mocking grin he had on his face told her he was up to no good. They swayed back and forth for the first minute, Thorne silently lip-synching the somewhat risqué words, and Cress trying desperately to hold back her laugh.

As the second verse began, he gave her a sultry look. " _Girl relax, let's go slow_ ," he said dramatically. _"I ain't got nowhere to go."_ Thorne pulled away from her and yanked on his tie until it came loose. Then he swayed back to her, pretending he was unbuttoning his tux and sang way too loudly, " _Throw your clothes, on the floor."_

Cress blushed. "Thorne!"

He closed his eyes. _"I'm gonna take my clothes off too-oo-oo."_

Cress was doubling over laughing, her shoulders shaking, but he wrapped his tie around her waist and pulled her close, continuing his mock serenade. _"I'll make love to you, like you want me to!"_

She snorted, and he suddenly burst out laughing too. He slung his tie over his shoulder and shook his head. "I can't believe people still listen to this song. Or whatever version of it this is."

"Like you said, it's a classic."

"Ahem."

They spun around to see a sour-faced Kingsley Thorne standing behind them. The smile vanished from Thorne's face.

"You're embarrassing yourself, Carswell," said Kingsley. He nodded at Cress. "And your date as well."

"We're just having some fun," said Thorne.

"Well then I suggest you have some fun in the foyer where no one can see you," he said pointedly, then walked away stiffly.

Scowling, Thorne grabbed Cress' hand. "I'd say that's permission to leave." He practically dragged her off the dance floor, but she steered him to the outside terrace so they could get some fresh air.

"Why do you let them get to you?" she said, leaning against the railing.

"You know them, Cress. You know me. I shouldn't have to explain this to you."

He unbuttoned his jacket and threw it over the railing. Cress watched it fall the ten feet down, imagining it was floating, before she sighed and faced him. "I just know that I've had a really good night so far, and even though you complained throughout the ceremony and the dinner, we managed to have fun for the last few songs. Maybe you should focus on that instead of how much you hate them."

Thorne cupped her chin. "Look at you, all grown up."

She put her hands on her hips. "As if you never noticed before."

"I don't know if I did." He dropped his hand and pulled at his collar, now without the tie. "Stars, is it hot or what?"

"Not really," said Cress. "The breeze feels pretty cool to me."

"Cress," he started. "You were amazing tonight."

"Just tonight?"

He chuckled. The breeze shifted, and so did something in Thorne's body language. He motioned at her. "And that dress…"

"I'm glad you like it," she said.

He was staring at her now, an expression on his face that she didn't quite recognize. Inching forward, he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Cress." There was a distinct flutter in her stomach, a hitch in her lungs from the way he had said her name. Like a caress. "It's not just the dress that I like…"

She wasn't really registering what he was saying, only the way his face was so close to hers, the way his eyes slipped shut, the way his hands had suddenly clasped hers.

After the briefest of moments of processing the shock at the smooth, warm lips connecting with her own, she broke away angrily.

He stumbled back, dazed. "Wha-?"

"How _dare_ you?"

Confusion, panic, fear, sadness, and guilt all crossed over his face in succession, as if only just realizing what he'd done. He opened his mouth, closed it, reconsidered, opened it again, then covered it with his hand. "Oh stars, Cress! I'm so sorry, I got caught up in the moment and—and I—"

He faltered as her eyes flashed, still reeling from the kiss that she was trying desperately to forget had just happened. "Moment? _Moment!?_ I have a boyfriend, and you're caught up in a moment?"

His eyes widened, this time only with panic. "That's not what I meant, Cress, no! Moments," he corrected, "moments!" He accented the plural, gesturing wildly. "There's been so many times lately that I've wanted to kiss you."

The shock was wearing off, replaced by a horrible mess of emotions. "Thorne, what are you saying? Do you hear yourself? We're...friends! You know I'm with Kai!"

"I want you to be with me, not him. Pick me, Cress. Pick _us_."

This was not happening. Cress closed her eyes, a memory coursing vividly through her. "You had your chance! I _did_ pick us. Or do you not remember that night in the treehouse?" She remembered; she had cried herself to sleep for weeks.

Thorne looked stricken now. "Cress, we were in high school. Teenagers. I thought we talked about it—I thought you understood."

"You were a senior in high school! You told me I was like your little sister and that it would never happen. You said,"—her voice cracked—"you said if we were to stay friends, best friends, I had to let it go. I _did_."

"That was then, this is now. It couldn't have worked between us back then. We were so young. I've changed, Cress. _You've_ changed. But look at us—we grew together anyway. We survived those changes and now here we are, still practically inseparable."

" _'We survived those changes'_?" Her emotions were on overload, but she was getting angry again. "See the difference between me and you is that you didn't believe in us enough to think we could survive those changes without knowing what the future held. That's how we're different. Because my biggest change was that I stopped waiting for you to realize that we're perfect together."

Thorne took a step toward her, the hope evident despite his worried face. "You think we're perfect together?"

She put her hand against his chest so he wouldn't come any closer. "I _used_ to think so. And even that was misplaced. I came to realize that I just had a hero-worship crush on the first person who was ever kind to me. The cute older boy next door who lavished attention on me and took care of me."

"Cress, I still want to take care of you. I always have."

"Don't you hear what I'm saying? I'm not in love with you. We're just friends, and what you did just now was completely inappropriate. I have a boyfriend. I _love_ my boyfriend."

"You don't love him," said Thorne quietly.

"Do not start this again with me, Carswell Thorne." He blinked at her, his first name rolling off her tongue with a bite.

"Tell me that kiss meant nothing," he insisted. "Tell me that Sunday isn't your favorite day of the week. Tell me...tell me that every time you're with Kai you're not thinking of me."

She shook her head. "I'm not."

"Then you're lying not just to me, but to yourself too. Because there's been all this tension and attraction between us lately. I've felt it since the night of our double date with Kai and Kate."

Cress' head swam, and she was glad she hadn't had more than one glass of champagne. She didn't know if she'd make it through this without her wits about her. He needed to stop talking, stop professing things, stop making things ache in deep places that she'd buried long ago. Her heart hammered, threatening to jump out of her chest. "There's no tension. Nothing's changed. You're just lonely since Kate dumped you and now I'm not available whenever you happen to not have another girl fawning over you."

Hurt flashing in his eyes, Thorne stuffed his hands in his pockets, finally looking to the floor instead of so intently at her. "Gee, why don't you tell me what you really think."

Confused and angry and frustrated as she was, she couldn't stand to see him upset because of her. When had she become so cruel? Was it just to spite him?

"I'm not lonely," he added. "If anything, I'm jealous. Because every time I see that expression on your face when you're thinking of him, I wish you were thinking about me." Cress's heart kept thrumming, too loud, still too fast. "I want to be that guy in your life." He paused, reached for her again. He didn't pull back when she flinched. "Pick me, Cress."

A tear threatened to spill out and she took a deep breath, hoping he wouldn't notice. "No."

She turned on her heels and walked out.

He didn't follow her.


	9. Chapter 9

"Wow," said Iko, sitting up straight on the edge of her bed. "He _kissed_ you."

"Yeah!" Cress exclaimed. "Can you believe it?" It had been three days since the wedding, and she was still having a hard time believing it herself. Rehashing the story with Iko now brought back all the emotions she'd worked on controlling in the past few days. They hit her like whiplash and she reeled in anger. " _The nerve!"_

"And he obviously knew you were dating Kai."

"Of course."

"Thorne himself," Iko repeated. "Your Thorne."

"My _friend_ Thorne."

Iko gazed at her dreamily. "This is so much better than a reality show."

Cress, who used to giggle and gossip about boys with Iko in college, stared incredulously at her now. "Iko," she whined. "Focus."

The glossy look on Iko's face disappeared and she nodded briskly. "Right. Down to business. Was it a good kiss?"

"Um—"

"I bet he's an amazing kisser," Iko continued. "He had a fantastic reputation in college. If I had a nickel for every time I heard someone talk about his romance skills, I'd be rich."

Cress grimaced. She, too, had known of Thorne's reputation. But it hadn't mattered. He had always just been _Thorne_ to her. Sure, she'd been jealous maybe one—max, two—times, but she had known where Thorne stood. They were friends. _Best friends_. There was never any ambiguity. And now he wanted to break that rapport?

"Iko, you know I don't see Thorne that way."

Iko looked at her as if she had just sprouted antlers. "But Thorne is like, _hot_. Like, _move-across-the-country-and-change-your-last-name_ hot. Like, _come-to-mama_ h—"

"For all the stars, Iko! Yes, Thorne is handsome. I recognize that. That doesn't mean I'm going to automatically fall for him. I want the man of my dreams to possess specific qualities, not just good looks."

"Oh!" said Iko, reaching to her desk and grabbing a notepad, "that's a great idea, Cress! We'll make a pros and cons list."

Cress shook her head. "You're missing the point here. I don't really think that's—"

"Thorne," Iko said, scribbling in her notebook. "Pro: _Hot._ "

"Yes, we've established that," said Cress dryly, her patience running thin. She was also beginning to feel defensive for her boyfriend. "Kai is also hot."

"True, very true." Iko made a new column and dotted the 'i' in Kai's name with a heart. "Your current _beau_ certainly gets a point in the pro column for being hot too." She poised her pen under Thorne's column again. "Next pro. Thorne has these muscles that just…" she let out a sigh of longing.

"Get a grip, Iko! He's not a piece of meat." Now she was being defensive of _Thorne._ What was wrong with her?

"Mmmm," said Iko.

"Kai has muscles too, for your information. He may be lankier, so you don't see them as much, but they're there."

"Lanky isn't necessarily bad," said Iko, thoughtful. "Lean and strong is good. I can't say that I can give him a point for that, though. I haven't seen him with his shirt off yet."

"You've seen Thorne without a shirt on?"

"As if you haven't."

Cress narrowed her eyes. "That's different. We grew up together. I've even seen him…" She was going to say, _in his boxers_ , but trailed off instead, deciding that no matter how innocent it had actually been, Iko would probably freak out and blow everything out of proportion.

Iko, still completely absorbed in her own train of thought, continued: "I haven't seen him lately, of course, but I'm going off what he used to look like when he'd lay out and tan around campus. Knowing how much he likes himself, I doubt he's let those abs go."

Hands in the air, she halted Iko before she could go on. "Enough about looks, whether it be Kai or Thorne's. In fact, enough with this pros and cons list! I'm not deciding between the two of them. I'm _with_ Kai."

Her friend's face fell. "Well, that changes things. So he just said he loved you and you're not even going to consider the possible implications this will have on your friendship?"

She had considered it. It was one of the things that worried her the most. She knew that it was worrying him too, evidenced by the series of texts she'd gotten from him over the past few days. The texts she hadn't responded to at all:

Sunday, 3:14 A.M. _Cress, call me, we have to talk. I need to explain.  
_ Sunday, 8:01 A.M. _Cress, I'm sorry. Please call me.  
_ Sunday, 10:42 A.M _. Should I come over for lunch today as usual?  
_ Sunday, 12:34 P.M _. Guess that's a no.  
_ Sunday, 12:35 P.M. _I could come over anyway, all valiant and hero-like and sweep you off your feet.  
_ Sunday, 12:38 P.M. _That was a joke, in case you couldn't tell.  
_ Sunday, 12:38 P.M _. I know that would be inappropriate.  
_ Sunday, 5:22 P.M. _Cress, I made a mistake._ _:-(_ _  
_Sunday, 5:23 P.M. _I wasn't thinking about Kai at the moment.  
_ Sunday, 5:43 P.M _. Okay, obviously I wasn't thinking at all.  
_ Sunday, 5:44 P.M. _You know me, sometimes I do things without thinking.  
_ Sunday, 11:07 P.M. _Please don't shut me out.  
_ Monday, 1:00 P.M _. I miss you, Damsel.  
_ Tuesday, 12:53 A.M. _I take it all back, ok?  
_ Tuesday, 4:29 A.M _. Just call me.  
_ Tuesday, 4:31 A.M _. Whenever you want. I don't care what time._

"But he _didn't_ say he loved me," she told Iko, causing her to frown deeply for the first time since she'd arrived. "The only thing he decided to tell me about love was that I didn't love Kai! So you can add arrogant and conceited and full of himself on the list."

Iko wrote _arrogant_ and then put an exclamation point after it. "Those are all synonyms. It only counts as one con."

"Not helping."

Cress looked out the window at the birds, wishing she could fly far, far away. It was easier to retreat into herself than face the pressure of struggling with all of her emotions in this room right now. Her childhood had taught her that there were only a precious few people who could help her feel better when she was sad. What would she do now when one of those people was the source of her sadness?

"Still, from what you said, it seemed like a pretty heartfelt declaration." She squeezed Cress' hand, and Cress tried to smile. "You look so upset. It's going to be okay. This could be a good thing, in the end."

"How can it be?" She would _not_ cry, she would _not_ cry. "Not only does this change everything between Thorne and me, it also made me a _cheater_."

"Did something else happen afterward?" asked Iko sharply.

"No! But I kissed another man while I was in a relationship."

"Sounds to me like _he_ kissed _you_. Did you kiss him back?"

"No!" said Cress, trying to shake the feel of Thorne's lips on hers. "I mean, I don't think so. It all happened so fast. I pushed him away. I told him no." A traitorous tear rolled down her cheek and she swiped the back of her hand across her cheek furiously.

Iko squeezed her hand harder. "You're not a cheater, Cress. You're the most innocent person in the world, to be honest. If Kai knows you at all, he'll understand. You just tell him what exactly happened."

"That's the worst of it, though. What am I supposed to say to him? ' _Thorne kissed me, by the way. Thorne, who I told you to trust. Thorne, who I told you not to be jealous of._ '"

"He was jealous of Thorne?"

"He didn't come right out and say it, but he wasn't always happy that Thorne automatically had every Sunday reserved for him. I explained how it was totally platonic, that Thorne was family to me, and that we weren't going to break our traditions."

When Kai had acted jealous sometimes, Cress had thought he was being rather childish. Now, it occurred to her that she had been the immature one. All those times spent together cuddling on the couch with Thorne hardly looked innocent to her now. Had Thorne thought she was hitting on him?

"Does Kai seem like the _kill-anyone-who-touches-my-girl_ type of man?" Iko asked.

"I think you've been watching too much _Keeping Up With The Lunars_ , Iko. Kai isn't violent at all."

"Doesn't he go to all those protests though? You know how rioters get."

Cress laughed, but it was nervous. The protest she'd attended with Kai hadn't seemed one hundred percent safe, if she were honest with herself, but she wasn't about to mention that now. Kai would never hurt Thorne, right? What would he do, send his friend Cinder after him with a wrench?

"I'm not worried about him attacking Thorne. I'm worried about him blowing all of this out of proportion. What if he doesn't want me to hang out with Thorne anymore?"

"I guess you'll have to see how you feel at that point. Come to think of it, you haven't really said anything about how you feel about Thorne's confession, besides that it was presumptuous."

All the birds outside were gone now, along with her thoughts of escaping. She didn't really know what she wanted. She couldn't lose Thorne. But she didn't want to lose Kai either. And what if Thorne stopped being her friend because she had rejected him?

"I don't know how to feel. I shouldn't even be thinking about it. I need to brainstorm how I'm going to break the news to Kai in a sensitive way. After that I'll figure out what to do about Thorne."

Iko retracted her hand from Cress' and picked up the pen. She made a big circle around Kai's name, as if they were back in middle school. But something in her heart stung when Iko made a big X through Thorne's name.

"Thorne will be fine," she tried to convince herself more so than Iko. "This is just a rebound thing after Kate. Thorne doesn't know how to be single."

"You really think Thorne would jeopardize a lifelong friendship because he doesn't want to be single?"

Cress bit her lip. "If he really cared about me like he said he did, he wouldn't have put me in this situation."

"Oh, sweetie."

Iko shut the notebook and threw it over her shoulder. Cress was used to her dramatics—Iko had never been one to do anything without a big show. But Iko stood up and closed the door to her bedroom, revealing a full-length mirror. She undid her braids and let her hair fall wavy across her back.

When she was satisfied with her appearance, she turned to Cress with somewhat of a flirtatious smirk. "Since you're not interested, would you mind introducing me to Thorne, then? I have no problem being a rebound."

"Iko!"

"What? You know I've always had a thing for your _Captain_."

Cress blushed at the nickname. It was such a casual thing that she and Thorne had always tossed around, but said by someone else it made it sound almost intimate. "But you-you've already met Thorne," she stuttered.

"But that was almost two years ago," said Iko, fluffing her hair. "And we barely had any chance to get to know each other. You were always hogging his attention with your little inside jokes. And I didn't even have this gorgeous long hair back then!"

"Um, I think it's a little too soon. Besides, I don't even know when I'm seeing Thorne again. I already told you I have to figure out what to do about all this first."

"But I can help," Iko insisted, turning back to the mirror and examining her lipstick. "I'm sure Thorne's going to be heartbroken and in need of _much_ comforting." A vivid image of Iko making out with Thorne infiltrated Cress' mind, making her want to cringe. "Of course, if it's not okay with you, just let me know." She smacked her lips before turning around and bouncing back to the bed.

Thorne dated new women rather frequently. It had never bothered Cress before, so why should it matter if Iko wanted a chance with him now? Sure, Iko was overdramatic sometimes and rather flirty, but she was kind, sweet, smart, and much more complex than many would likely give her credit for. In fact, she possessed many of the same qualities that Thorne himself was known for. And the two of them were much more spontaneous than she would ever be. Maybe they would actually be a good match.

"I'll, um, think about it," she said.

Iko beamed, but Cress didn't tell her that for some reason, she didn't want her friend within a hundred feet of Thorne.


	10. Chapter 10

Kai was getting worried too. He called her more frequently than Thorne, but every time he did she'd let it go to voicemail. Then, she deflected by sending him a quick text saying that she was in an interview, or working hard, or out with a friend.

She was such a liar. She was just avoiding him. Cress hated confrontation and she knew that there would be no way to avoid telling him everything. Kai's eyes were too kind and patient and warm for her to not spill everything the second she looked at him.

On Friday, she finally called him.

"Cress, are you okay?" It was the first thing he asked; he didn't even say hello.

"Yes," she said. "I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner. I've been busy."

"I was worried."

"I know."

"Are you mad because I didn't text you back the night of the wedding? I was out with my friends and left my phone at home." There was some silence on the line. "You looked incredibly beautiful though. I wish I could have been there."

"I know," said Cress. "I got your messages afterward."

"When can I see you?"

"Are you free tonight?"

Kai breathed a sigh of relief. "Of course. Should I come over?"

She wanted to say yes—she had no desire to go out tonight. But if Kai came over, it could be harder to get rid of him if things didn't go as planned. In her imagination she fashioned herself as brave and ready for confrontation, but reality showed her a different picture of herself. She needed an escape plan in case her confession went in a direction she couldn't handle. What if he dumped her? She couldn't have him in her apartment then.

"Can I come to your place instead?"

Unlike her, his answer was immediate. "Definitely. I'll order something for us. How's Chinese?"

She would be too nervous to eat, she knew it already, but she wasn't about to tell him that. "Chinese sounds good."

* * *

Kai's apartment was dim when she stepped inside, and he grinned mischievously as she observed the kitchen behind him. Candles lit up the dinner table, flickering warm against the darkened room. Instead of the familiar scent of steaming Chinese take-out, there were hints of meat and roasted vegetables wafting towards her from the table. The curtains that hung against his balcony doors were pushed aside, blowing gently in the summer breeze.

Kai then made to kiss her, but she immediately stepped back. Hurt flashed over him like the wavering lights behind him. The first wave of hurt of what she was sure would be many more to come.

"Cress, what's wrong?

She had practiced exactly what to say in front of her mirror. Her lines were memorized. And yet, her tongue was stuck to the roof of her mouth somehow. "It's just that, well…" She bit her lip. "Something…bad…happened. At the wedding." _Wrong lines, Cress_ , she thought. _The director can tell you're not sticking to the script._

"Whatever it is, you can tell me. I just need to know that you're okay."

When she dared to look him in the eyes, his expression was rimmed with worry. It filled her with guilt. She _had_ to tell him, even if looking at him now was making her forget every line she'd practiced.

"I didn't want it," she said. "I said no, please believe me, but Thorne he—he—he _kissed_ me and—"

Cress burst into tears, Kai's widening eyes combined with her confession too much for her to handle. She wrapped her arms around herself as Kai's hands curled into fists at his sides. She cried harder when she saw his face change from shock to anger. She had expected him to be somewhat upset, but the way steam was practically coming out of his ears made her take a step back. There were tissues in her purse on purpose, and she grabbed for them now, trying to calm herself. She had been right to be worried. Kai hated her already.

"Did you call the police?" he finally said, his voice measured and steely.

"W-what?"

"Did you report this? Is that where you've been all week?" He ran a hand down his face and shook his head, then seemed to change his mind. Suddenly, his arms were around her and she was pressed against his chest with so much force it nearly suffocated her. "No, I'm sorry, Cress. That was none of my business. I shouldn't have asked." He smoothed her hair, but her sobs were dying down as her mind started sorting through his words. "I know it was your choice not to tell me. But I would have been there for you, if you'd wanted. I just want you to know that. And from now on—"

"Wait." Cress peeled herself off of his chest and wiped her nose. "What are you talking about?"

"I would have come to the station with you. Stayed with you. Been whatever you needed. I'm just glad you're okay. I mean, not okay—stars, I'm so insensitive. It's just that this is such a shock. And Thorne! Of all people! You thought you could _trust_ him."

She straightened. "Wait. You don't think—"

"He was your best friend. I'll kill him. I hope he's locked away for life. Oh, Cress, I'm—"

"Stop." She held up both of her hands. "Stop talking."

His face shattered into despair. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sure I'm saying everything wrong."

"You think—Kai, you don't think—Thorne didn't… _take advantage of me_." The horror of it was making her want to cry again.

His despair turned to confusion. "But you said—"

"Oh my stars, no! Thorne would _never_! That's not what I meant at all. I said he _kissed_ me."

"That's all?"

" _That's all_? I'm telling you I cheated on you, even if it was by accident, and you don't think that's bad enough?"

"He kissed you and you said no?"

"Yes."

"Did he try anything else?"

" _No!_ I told him he had no right and I loved _you_."

It took her a moment to realize what she'd said. Kai too looked like he was puzzling it over, trying to make sense of everything and reconcile it with what he'd thought had happened before. After a long silence, he reached for her hand. "You love me?"

She squirmed. "Yes. And I'm sorry about Thorne, I didn't want to kiss him and I know that this must hurt you on so many levels but I promise—"

"Cress, I love you too." He gave her hand a squeeze and this time she squeezed back, sinking her fingertips against his knuckles tightly. "Can we sit and talk? I had Nainsi prepare this meal for us and I'd hate for it to go to waste." He pulled her with him towards the table, never letting go of her hand.

"Who's Nainsi?"

"She's my housekeeper," he admitted sheepishly. "I know it's strange, but we always had maids at boarding school, so when I finished college I decided to splurge on one. I'm kind of a slob on my own. Plus, she's an amazing cook and I wanted to do something special for you since things were rough between us this week."

"I knew you couldn't cook," she said. Thorne and Cress had learned how to cook together as children when they were bored on rainy days. Now, cooking together was one of the things she liked the best about her Sunday dates with Thorne. Even as she thought it, she scolded herself silently.

First, she would need to stop thinking about Thorne and comparing him to Kai. Second, she would need to stop calling them dates. Not after what he had confessed to her. It wasn't appropriate anymore. _Meetings_ seemed a bit too formal for the occasion. She settled on Sunday _hangouts_. That sounded okay. _If_ they even happened anymore.

He held out her chair for her—the mark of a true gentleman. Not what Thorne would do. Thorne would just make her help herself and then plop next to her. _Stop it,_ she told herself.

Kai poured wine for her, scooped food onto both of their plates as if he were in the serving business, and took a seat across from her in a princely manner. Then he folded his napkin perfectly on his lap and began cutting through the veal with expert precision. Nainsi had made _veal_.

"Have you seen Thorne since the wedding?" asked Kai quietly, after wiping his mouth with the napkin.

Cress attempted to mimic his behavior to make sure she didn't have remnants of food or drink on her face either. "No. He's texted me but I haven't responded. I…wanted to talk to you first." It wasn't exactly true, but it wasn't exactly a lie either. She just didn't know what to say to him. Talking it over with Kai would probably help her figure out how to tackle this situation in the best way.

"You sort of made Thorne sound like a helpless flirt. What are his, um, intentions with you?" He said it casually, but Cress got the impression that this was of high importance to him. "Or did he not say?"

She swallowed. "He wants to be my boyfriend."

"Ah."

"I told him I was with you, obviously," she added quickly.

"Have you and Thorne ever dated before?" He stabbed his fork into a glazed carrot and didn't look at her.

"No!"

"No need to be so defensive. I would understand, you know. There have been times when I compared your friendship with Thorne to mine with Cinder."

"In what way?"

"Well, because we dated before."

Cress nearly choked on her own carrot. When she had coughed a few times, she took a sip of wine and stared at Kai like she was seeing him for the first time. "I'm sorry, you dated Cinder? When were you going to tell me that?"

He just shrugged. "It didn't seem that important when we met."

"You're telling me you introduced me to your ex on our first date?"

He shrugged again. "It's not like we _just_ broke up. We dated in college and ended on good terms. Now we're basically best friends. We talk about everything. Kind of like you and Thorne."

"Thorne is like my _brother_ ," she spluttered. _Kind of_ , she added.

"A brother who wants to date you?"

"At least I _haven'_ t already dated him!"

"Wait." Kai put down his silverware and scrutinized her. "Are you mad that I dated Cinder?"

"No. Maybe. I don't know. I just don't understand why you didn't tell me before."

"It didn't seem relevant. Now that we're talking about you and Thorne, I thought it would be a good time to bring it up."

Cress thought about their first date at the market, and the way he'd so casually leaned against the counter of the mechanic's booth, smiling his charming smile at the girl with the wrench. She had really just thought they were protest buddies. "How long did you date Cinder?"

He sighed. "Does it matter?"

"Yes."

"About three years?" he guessed. The way he was shrugging again was starting to irritate her.

"Three years!"

"She was my first serious girlfriend, if you must know. I'm not a fan of talking about other girls in front of my current girlfriend. No guy is."

"Maybe she's still in love with you."

Kai laughed. "You're being paranoid, Cress. Cinder's not trying to kiss me or get together with me. Now let's get back to the point. _Thorne_ is the one we need to be talking about."

Cress was so turned around now. She already didn't know how to feel about Thorne, but now she didn't know how to feel about Cinder on top of that. Was it really normal for a guy to keep a secret like that about an ex? She'd met Cinder five or six times by now. She'd never bothered to analyze the way they laughed and shared inside jokes. She had done the same things with Thorne. But now that Thorne had changed everything, would she be naïve to think that perhaps everything couldn't change between Cinder and Kai in a heartbeat too?

"Did he say he was in love with you?" Kai asked when she didn't respond.

"No."

"Well that's good, at least."

"Yeah," she said, but mostly because she didn't know what else to say.

"To be honest, I'm kind of pissed that he kissed you even though you were with me. It doesn't make me want to give him the benefit of the doubt." He frowned, but then the corner of his mouth twitched. "You are pretty irresistible, though. Not that that excuses anything."

She nodded. "That's the worst of it. Maybe if he would have just said something and I'd have the chance to rationally talk about it with him, then I could have set him straight from the beginning. But he just went for it."

"I see."

"He said that I liked him too. That I made it obvious from the night that we went on the double date with Kate. I told him he was crazy." That comment of Thorne's had bothered her quite a bit.

Kai leaned back in his chair. "Maybe not crazy, but reaching. His ego was probably bruised so he said whatever he could to make it feel like it was your fault. That was the night we danced while they made out in the corner, remember?"

"I know."

"Don't worry about it, then. Put some space between the two of you. Once it's cooled over, you should probably make some ground rules. Take it from my experience with Cinder."

Cress began to play with her hair nervously, twisting it around until some strands were wrapped around her finger. "What kind of ground rules?"

"Well, when we stopped dating initially, we kept falling back into…old patterns, let's say. We had to establish rules so that we wouldn't be tempted. No meetings in the dark, only meeting in public places, things like that. We also made sure not to talk about anything really deep or personal for a while until we'd both adjusted to the fact that we weren't going to be together anymore."

"But Thorne and I _didn't_ date."

"Cress, it's still a similar situation. You and Thorne are incredibly close, and now there's sexual tension between the two of you."

"Not on my side!"

"Cress. If I'm going to be okay with you seeing him, then I need you to set some boundaries. Thorne has to understand that you're my girlfriend, not his. He can't just do whatever he wants and get away with it."

"Okay," she whispered. She didn't tell him that she had no idea how to go about setting boundaries with someone she had known her whole life.

"It won't be for forever," he added. "Cinder and I are super close now. It'll just take some time for him to understand your new friendship dynamic."

Cress tried to smile and started eating again, hoping to change topics quickly. Her confession to Kai could have gone much, much worse. But now that it was over, she had to face the consequences of telling him, just like Thorne had to face the consequences of kissing her. Of course Kai would want her to set boundaries. She would want the same thing if the situations were reversed. She would not have been as reasonable about it as Kai had been.

But how would she face Thorne now? Her emotions jumbled again when she thought of seeing him and trying to tell him that they would no longer be able to have their Sunday hangouts or really any of their normal interactions. Watching movies together involved sitting together in the dark. In fact, everything they did on Sundays was about them being alone and relaxing in each other's presence to talk about whatever in the world they wanted. Kai was right; it was too intimate.

Where would she hang out with Thorne now? Would they meet at fast food chains to keep it casual? Would they just talk about their week like two acquaintances who were just starting to get to know each other? One thing was for sure: it would be horribly awkward between them.

Maybe Thorne really just did need to move on to the next person. Maybe Iko was right to want Cress to give him her number. Maybe if Thorne focused his romantic interests on someone else, then everything could go back to normal between them.


	11. Chapter 11

It didn't take long before she started legitimately missing Thorne.

They had never gone more than a week without talking. Even during their worst fights, she was quick to forgive and move on. Thorne, who was usually more stubborn, often took more time to come around. This time, with the roles reversed, it was hard not to feel guilty that she was ignoring him.

Could she really blame him for developing feelings for her?

She could, she had decided the day after the wedding. When that reason crumbled, she had resorted to her anger. He was presumptuous, after all, for trying to thwart her relationship with Kai. He was insensitive and inconsiderate for putting her in a compromising situation.

But now that she hadn't talked to him in two weeks, she was starting to wonder if maybe she was just confused and shocked. Maybe _that_ was what was keeping her away.

Her confusion had doubled since her dinner with Kai. After all, if he could remain friends with Cinder, then she should be able to easily remain friends Thorne, who she had known much longer. But Kai's insistence that she put up boundaries between them had thrown her for a loop.

Silence was definitely a good boundary, especially if ignoring him helped her avoid another awkward conversation.

It wasn't too much of a permanent solution, though.

The guilt swept in quicker than she had anticipated. What if he had really been dead serious about everything and wasn't just looking for another fling? What if he truly, madly, head-over-heels loved her?

The thought made her blush.

She hid it away and decided it couldn't be true. They had been at a wedding, after all. There had been dancing. Champagne. It was just a romantic setting that had brought out his loneliness.

Cress found herself thinking about what Thorne might be doing with his time, which was a silly thing to think about really, because Thorne would just be going about his regular business of course. He wasn't like her, who would have moped around and blasted heart-wrenching music after being rejected.

She wanted to talk to him, though. She yearned to sit next to him and talk about Kai and the new developments in their relationship. She especially wanted his opinion on Kai having dated Cinder. Frowning, she shook her head. That would probably not be appropriate now. Or maybe it would be for the best, so that Thorne would know she was serious about Kai and move on quicker? _If_ he even liked her like that.

She was thinking herself into circles.

Unable to ignore it anymore, she finally decided to text him: _Hi._

He responded almost immediately: _Cress, hey! How are you?_

She fiddled with her phone, typed a few lines, then erased everything and settled on one word: _Fine_.

 _When can I see you?_ he wrote back. _We've got a lot to talk about._

She wanted to pick Sunday, but thought about what Kai had said. It was time to change their patterns. Time to set boundaries to show that they were just friends. She told him that she was free on Saturday at 5:00 PM and they could meet at a café downtown. He told her that he could come over too, if that was easier, but she lied and said that she was going to be running errands anyway.

* * *

The café was moderately crowded, but she found Thorne already waiting at a table. She cringed when she saw him sitting there alone. He had dressed up again, like he normally did around everyone but her. It dawned on her in that moment that maybe he had actually been dressing up _for her_ the last few times that they had watched movies together. She really had been blind.

His face lit up for a split second when he saw her, then surprise registered on it when he saw that she had brought Iko with her. Thorne could easily mask his emotions with a carefree grin, so Iko probably didn't notice, but Cress knew him well enough to see through his pretense.

Thorne got up from the table and greeted them. "Hey, Damsel," he said, his voice smooth. He hugged her and she hugged him back, but it was stiff on both their parts and they broke away quickly. Then he held out his hand to Iko. "Nice to meet you. I'm Thorne."

Iko pursed her lips but took his hand anyway. "I'm Iko. We've met."

"Oh! Iko, of course. It's hard to believe I'd forget a pretty face like yours."

Satisfied with the flattery, she grinned and took a seat. Cress could tell that Thorne was trying to remember where he'd met her. She had, of course, told Thorne about her friendship with Iko, so he knew of her, at least.

She hadn't told him that Iko was coming today either, since it had been a last minute decision on her part. Cress was pretty sure that Thorne was trying to adjust his behavior accordingly with this new addition to the conversation.

Though she'd been hesitant about the idea when Iko had suggested it the day before, Cress had mulled it over and come to the conclusion that Iko would be a good buffer in case it got awkward. And if Iko and Thorne hit it off in the meantime, then she should be happy for them. It wasn't her favorite thought, the two of them together, but the sooner that Thorne got a new girlfriend the sooner the two of them could hang out again like they used to.

"Iko, can I get you something?" asked Thorne. He pushed a coffee cup across the table to Cress. "I already ordered for Cress."

Cress glanced suspiciously at the cup. "Caramel cinnamon latte, no whip, extra espresso shot?"

He grinned. "Of course, would I get you anything else?"

She nodded with approval as Iko smiled. "Yes, you can order for me."

"Okay, what would you like?"

"I'll trust your instincts, Captain."

Thorne regarded her with surprise but Iko just smiled coyly back at Thorne. "I'll see what I can do," he said, getting up from the table.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Cress rounded on her. "What are you doing, calling him Captain?"

"Do you have a monopoly on that nickname or something? I like it. I'm sure it boosts his ego."

"Thorne doesn't need his ego boosted."

"After your rejection, honey, he definitely does." She watched Thorne in line and then shot a glare at Cress. "I can't believe you didn't tell him I was coming."

"Sorry," Cress mumbled. "I forgot."

"Mmhmm."

"I'll forgive you because I'm grateful you're finally introducing us for real."

Cress was already regretting bringing Iko along. "Just…try not to freak out."

"Why would I freak out?"

Cress sipped her drink, trying to act casual. "You're a little boy crazy."

Iko shrugged. "Just for the good-looking ones. And Captain Thorne _is_ rather handsome."

"Iko! We already talked about this. I know you think the Capt – I mean _Thorne_ – is hot. I've got it, okay?"

Thorne came back with a frappuccino, which made Iko clap her hands in delight. "I knew you'd make a good choice."

Thorne slid into the seat across from them. He considered the two of them, opened his mouth, then shut it as he turned to Cress instead. "Cress, how have you been?"

She had to keep this casual. "I'm good. Really good."

He nodded. "Good. That's great." His eyes searched her, as if looking for something, but she looked away, down at her drink.

"How are _you,_ Thorne?" asked Iko.

Cress glanced up again as he responded to Iko. "Oh, I'm great," he said, before shifting his eyes back to Cress. "I've missed my best friend, though."

"Aww," said Iko. "That's so sweet."

"How's your job hunt going?" Thorne asked. "Any luck lately?"

"No new developments," Cress replied.

"Sorry to hear that."

They stared at each other again until Iko broke the silence. "My frappuccino is amazing."

"I'm glad you like it," said Thorne. To Cress, he said: "I was wondering if maybe we could talk in private for a minute?"

Cress shrugged. "I'm fine here."

He drew back, surprised, but then covered it up quickly again. He turned sheepishly to Iko. "Well, this is embarrassing. You see, I wanted a moment to find out from Cress if you were single or not, but since she's too busy I guess I'll just have to take the risk and ask you yourself. Are you already seeing some lucky guy, Iko?"

Cress gaped at him, but he ignored her, his blue eyes boring into Iko's face. She smiled confidently and flipped her hair back before biting the bottom of her lip suggestively. "Not right now, but I am taking applications."

He grinned—a grin that Cress had seen on him many times before, always directed at other women. "Do you need references as well?"

Cress rolled her eyes but Iko ate it up. "The fact that you're friends with Cress is enough of a reference for me. She's a great judge of character."

"Are you busy tonight?" he asked.

"I am if you're taking me out, Captain."

He winked at her and Cress wanted to puke up her drink. This was what she had wanted, but she had not thought it would be so easy. And she certainly did not need to sit in the café with the two of them while they made googly eyes at each other. Huffing, she stood up. Thorne barely noticed. "I've got somewhere to be," she said.

Iko was staring dreamily at Thorne. "Okay, Cress. I'll call you sometime this week."

" _Bye, Thorne_ ," she said pointedly.

He didn't look up. "Oh, yeah, see you later Cress."

She couldn't leave the café quickly enough, feeling suffocated by her mixed emotions. This was good, she told herself. If he still liked her, he could have a rebound fling with Iko and get it out of his system. Iko had been all for that, so she should be fine with it.

But if Thorne did like her, why had he taken to Iko so easily? Was she that forgettable?

He had just started talking to Iko because Cress had been cool and collected and not fallen all over him like he'd been hoping.

Or he was already over her.

_Good._

Then why did she feel so crappy?

Cress unzipped her purse and found her phone. Her fingers skated across the screen until she found Kai's number and dialed it. She needed to be with him right away.

Yes, he would definitely make her feel better.


	12. Chapter 12

The weekend passed inconsequentially without any major news from Iko or Thorne. She had checked in with them on Monday, and both of them had confirmed that they'd had a good weekend.

Cress hadn't been bold enough to ask right out if they had hooked up.

It seemed like the only obvious explanation for the short replies. Cress assumed that neither of them were texting her much because they were both so enamored with each other.

Her imagination created all sorts of scenarios for the two of them—all of them ending with tangled sheets in Thorne's massive king-size bed and Cress blushing furiously at her inappropriate thoughts.

She wasn't sure why she kept thinking about the two of them together. After some contemplation, she decided that it was probably because even though Thorne had always been smooth with women, this was the first time she knew one of his girls personally. She couldn't think of Iko as just another random girl. She was a real person, with feelings and a fun personality. Iko was her friend—probably one of the _better_ friends she had besides Thorne. It was weird for them to be together, that was all.

The more time that passed, the more Cress told herself that soon everything would go back to normal between her and Thorne. Kai had definitely been excited to hear that Thorne was dating someone again and was no longer interested in Cress. This, apparently, was similar to what had happened between Kai and Cinder, and they were okay now.

Seeing Thorne flirt with Iko on Saturday had also proven Cress's point to him when he'd tried to kiss her at the wedding: Thorne had just wanted a rebound from Kate. There was still a residual sting that came with knowing that he'd just tried to use her.

The way he was probably using Iko right now.

"Cress?"

Cress looked up from her half-eaten pasta. "Mm?"

"Are you okay?" Kai was staring at her, quite concerned.

"Fine, why?"

"Your face is bright red."

 _Spades._ She was blushing again. She really had to redirect her thoughts. And take a shower and cleanse herself of her horrible thoughts.

"I'm hot," she said. "Not much of a breeze in here."

"Ah. Sorry. Want me to turn on the air?"

She shook her head, willing her cheeks to return to a normal color.

"Now that I have your attention, there's something I wanted to talk to you about."

"Oh?"

"I've been thinking about your birthday."

"My…" _Oh._ She had completely forgotten about her birthday. It wasn't for two weeks still, but she was pleased to know that Kai hadn't forgotten about it. Cress beamed at her boyfriend. "What have you been thinking?"

A slow grin swept over his face, complimenting his already handsome features, making Cress want to swoon.

"I planned something. I wanted it to be a surprise, but since we haven't been dating that long, I'm kind of worried now that maybe you don't even like surprises. I don't want to mess up your first birthday while we're together."

The way he said _first birthday_ sent a tingle down Cress's spine, as though Kai were envisioning many more birthdays together. "No," she said quickly. "I like surprises!"

She did, sort of. Considering that it was Kai who was planning her surprise, it would probably be the most romantic thing in the world. It made her want to squeal in delight. Her boyfriend had planned a birthday surprise for her. Could he get any more perfect?

"All right. I won't tell you what exactly it is, but due to, uh, _timing_ , we're going to have to celebrate it this weekend already. I didn't know if you had any plans."

"My plans are with you," she said automatically. Who else would she be hanging out with?

"There's another thing. You sort of need to dress up. A lot." Kai's expression turned sheepish. "I wasn't sure if you would have anything on such short notice. But if you don't—that's okay, too! You could wear that beautiful dress you wore at the wedding and I could finally see it in person. Or I could treat you to a shopping spree and you can get whatever dress you want."

A shopping spree? The idea was certainly intriguing, but not with Kai paying for it. She knew her boyfriend was pretty well off, but just how rich was he? Did his job afford him this much money or was it just money he received from his family? She didn't know too much about boarding school families, but had seen in the movies that they tended to be loaded…

"I'm sure I've got something. I own a lot of dresses."

Kai brightened. "Perfect! I'm sure you'll be stunning no matter what."

He leaned over to kiss her and her nerves alighted with anticipation and excitement. Her first birthday with an official boyfriend.

* * *

In the end, she settled on a dress that was a little sexier than the dress she'd worn to Thorne's cousin's wedding. It hit above her knees and fit snugly around her waist and hips. She put on her dangly, silver earrings to compliment the halter top of the dress, re-applied a final coat of lip gloss, and took a deep breath.

Kai was going to trip over his feet when he saw her.

At least, she hoped he would. It had taken her two hours to get ready, and though it had been fun, she didn't expend that kind of energy for just anyone.

Kai had said not to eat beforehand, so she had imagined many different versions of his surprise. Considering his connections, it would probably take place at one of the most romantic restaurants in the city. Her favorite fantasy included a view of the city and a personal violinist serenading them while they sipped on champagne and stared into each other's eyes. She hoped that the dress was sophisticated enough for wherever he was taking her.

When he called to tell her that he was downstairs, she gave herself a final once-over in the mirror and nodded. This was it.

Cress gasped when she got downstairs.

Kai was waiting for her in front of a limo. _A limo!_ And more, he was wearing a suit and holding a red rose.

His smile was infectious. "Happy birthday, beautiful."

Cress really did swoon. She had imagined going in a limo in only her most exuberant fantasies, but she suddenly felt silly for having expected less. Kai had taken her on a hot air balloon ride, after all. Why shouldn't he pull out all the stops for her birthday?

She accepted the rose and slid into the limo. The driver winked at her from the rearview mirror and she blushed, unable to control her excitement.

"Which restaurant are you taking me to?" she asked once they had started driving.

Kai's face glowed as he slid an arm around her shoulder. "You'll see. I want to give you your present before we get there, though."

"Already?"

Again, he said, "You'll see." He reached behind her head, pulling out a big, flat box from one of the limo compartments.

She opened it excitedly, practically ripping off the wrapping paper. Her eyes bugged when she saw what was inside.

"A laptop?"

"It's a MacBook Air. I figured with how talented you are at IT, you could use a good one. You've got that old Dell you're working on and it seemed pretty worn. Maybe it can help you on your job search or just to do whatever you like doing on the internet."

She turned the laptop over in her hands, unable to believe how much he had spent on her. It was…too much. "I can't accept this."

Kai did not stop smiling. "Of course you can. It's your birthday, you can have whatever your heart desires."

"But this is so expensive."

"Nah. It's nothing. I want you to have it."

She gulped. "Um, well, _wow_. Thank you. I have been thinking about getting a new laptop for a while."

Kai kissed her hard on the lips, making her nearly forget how much the laptop was worth. "I love you so much, Cress."

"I love you too, Kai."

He licked his bottom lip and laughed. "Are you wearing some sort of lemon-flavored lipstick?"

"It's lip gloss, actually."

"No offense, but I prefer cherry."

She nodded. "Noted."

"You look _great_ , though. Stunning."

The ride was shorter than she'd expected, with the driver taking all the exits towards the harbor. When they indeed stopped at the harbor, Cress turned to Kai curiously. "Are we eating at the Seaside Pearl? I've never been there!" Eating with a view of the ocean was definitely romantic.

"Not exactly," said Kai, trying to hide his own excitement. He helped her out of the car and took her by the arm.

The breeze from the water whipped around her hair and she cringed, hoping her teased updo would stay in place atop her head. They walked to the docks and stopped in front of landing dock.

"Surprise," Kai whispered.

Cress looked around, seeing only a large yacht in front of her. "I don't…"

Then the yacht flickered on, strings upon strings of little light bulbs illuminating its massive deck. A banner unrolled over the railing at the same time as the yacht erupted in chorused cheer:

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY CRESS!"

Cress's mouth dropped open. There must have been at least fifty or sixty people on that yacht who had jumped out from hiding. "W-what?"

"I rented a yacht!" Kai gushed. "We're going to have your birthday party on the water!" He beamed at her, waiting for her to respond.

Cress swallowed. "Who are all those people?"

"Your friends, my friends." He scratched his head awkwardly. "I know you don't have that many friends, but I got a list from Thorne to make sure I wouldn't miss anyone, and then decided to invite my own friends to make it a real party."

"You…got a list from Thorne?"

"Yeah! He was able to rattle off everyone important to you in a heartbeat. It all came together perfectly."

She knew that he was complimenting Thorne's ability to name all her friends, but she felt a little embarrassed at the fact that she didn't have enough friends to have a big party on her own. It wasn't that she was a total loner, but she was usually awkward around big groups of people and had never managed to join a strong, cohesive friend group. She could count off her real friends in a heartbeat too…

"Is Thorne _here_?" she asked.

"Of course!" said Kai. "I wouldn't throw you a birthday party and not invite your closest childhood friend." He paused, considering. "I also talked to him about the wedding incident."

Cress froze. "You did? What did you say?"

"Just reminded him who your boyfriend is." At the look on her face, he laughed. "Don't worry! He apologized and said he was in the wrong. And he's here with Iko. Of course, I would have invited her on her own, but it was really convenient that they wanted to come together. Only required one invite."

Cress stared up at the yacht in horror. She couldn't believe that Kai had gone behind her back and talked to Thorne when _she_ hadn't even really talked to Thorne about it yet.

She tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. It had been for her birthday surprise, so of course he would have talked to Thorne. Who else knew everything about her?

Had it been an awkward conversation? Had Thorne laughed off the fact that he'd tried to kiss her? Told Kai how ridiculous he had been to think he could ever want to be with Cress?

And now he was here. Amidst a throng of people waiting for her to join them on the yacht.

Waiting for her to be the center of attention.

She drew a shaky breath and tried to smile at Kai. "W-wow. You really put a lot of thought into this. I'm definitely surprised."

He breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm so happy. Come on, let's go party! I can't wait for you to meet my friends!"

"Yay," she said lamely, trying to fake enthusiasm. She berated herself while they walked up the landing dock. What girl wouldn't dream of having a birthday party on a fancy yacht? That was what celebrities did. She should just imagine she was a celebrity for one night.

People flooded her with congratulations as they embarked and the yacht rumbled to life. She tried her best to smile at Kai's side as he introduced her to everyone he knew. It was hard to remember everyone's name.

After about twenty people, she finally recognized Cinder. She had dressed up too, and Cress had to admit that she cleaned up rather nicely. It was such a dramatic change from the way she'd looked when Cress had met her at the market.

She sighed with relief, though, when she recognized one of her friends from college.

"Happy birthday!" said Scarlet, wrapping her in a hug. "Your man knows how to throw an impressive party."

And impressive it was. The yacht was decorated with beautiful lights, lanterns, and high cocktail tables. Butlers walked around giving out hors-d'ouevres and champagne as a DJ played a mix of music. Not quite a violinist, but still rather remarkable.

Kai's face was proud as he shook hands with Scarlet. "Thanks. I try."

"If you have any single friends, let me know. Preferably tall and rugged ones."

Scarlet's comment made Cress gasp. "Oh stars! Scarlet! I went on a date with a man who you probably would have _loved!_ "

She quickly recounted her date with Ze'ev, the boxer, remembering how Scarlet had loved watching the wrestling club in college. Scarlet and Kai both laughed when she told them how she'd run away and Thorne had needed to come rescue her.

"Speaking of Thorne," said Scarlet, looking around the crowded yacht. "Where is that player?"

Kai put his arm around Cress. "He's here with another one of Cress's friends, Iko. Do you know her too?"

"Iko? Of course I know her. She went to college with us."

"She's always had a crush on Thorne," said Cress.

Scarlet's brow creased. "Ah. Of course. I'm going to go find something to eat and mingle, okay? Tell Thorne and Iko I said hi if you see them."

Cress didn't want Scarlet to leave already, but was worried she'd come off whiny and clingy. So she smiled and waved Scarlet off as she disappeared into the crowd, deciding instead to cling to Kai as if her life depended on it.

He took her hand and led her towards the booth with the DJ, moving a little to the music. Dancing was okay, she decided. Dancing she could do.

But Kai kept going until they got to the booth and signaled for the DJ to stop playing music. When he did, the crowd fell silent. Kai took the microphone from him and all eyes fell on the two of them. Cress tried to hide behind Kai, but he pulled her next to him by the waist.

"Thank you all for coming on such short notice! For those of you who haven't met me yet, I'm Kai, the boyfriend who sent out the email invite this week. I'm thrilled to be able to celebrate with all of you tonight and look forward to meeting each of you. I know you hold a special place in Cress's heart. And for those of you who already know me, but haven't met Cress yet, please allow me to take this moment to introduce you to the most beautiful girl on this yacht tonight. My girlfriend and guest of honor!"

He tried to spin Cress, but she wasn't ready for it and clumsily whirled into him before straightening herself. The people in front of them applauded, some even whistled. Cress's face flushed, making her wish that the wind from before would pick up again. A bead of sweat formed on the back of her neck. _Everyone_ was staring at her. Scrutinizing her. Probably sizing her up to see if she really _was_ the most beautiful girl on this yacht tonight.

"Speech! Speech! Speech!"

The crowd did not notice her mortification as they cheered for her, and neither did Kai, who passed her the mic. He brushed his lips against her ear and whispered, "You're not just the most beautiful girl on this yacht, but in the whole city. How did I get so lucky?"

She smiled faintly and tried to think of what she would say to the crowds. "T-t-thank you all f-for coming," she stuttered, and the crowd fell silent. She bit her lip and looked down at her feet, trying to calm her racing heart. In public speaking class, they had always said to picture the crowd naked, but it had never helped her get over her nerves. "I-I—" she tried, then felt her mouth dry up.

She licked her lips. Should she thank Kai for the surprise? Tell them she was happy to meet them?

She had been silent too long. People were starting to look at her weird. Kai gave her an encouraging squeeze at the waist, still beaming down at her. Maybe she could tell them that she hoped they'd have a fun evening.

Before she could try again, there was a loud crash and a yelp in the back right corner of the yacht. The crowd parted to see what the commotion was about, and Cress stood on her tiptoes to see as well. A butler was sprawled on the ground, tangled up with another man who seemed to have collided with him. The silver platter was turned upside down and food had flown everywhere.

"Oops!" yelled a girl, and Cress saw that it was Iko. " _Captain_ ," she said, giggling almost obnoxiously, "I think you've had a little too much to drink."

Iko ran forward clumsily and tried to help Thorne get up, who was shaking pieces of shrimp from his jacket pocket.

When he saw that everyone was staring at him, some now whispering, he grinned lazily and accepted Iko's hand. Then he swayed once in a show of clear inebriation, draped an arm over Iko, and took the champagne glass out of her hand and raised it in the air. "To the birthday girl!"

To Cress's relief, everyone toasted her and then the DJ turned on the music again.

When she returned the mic shakily to Kai, he was grimacing for the first time that night. Then he swept her up in a hug.

"Stars, Thorne is being such a bonehead lately. I'm sorry he ruined your speech."

She pulled away. "Oh…no, it's fine, really. I should, um, probably go say hi anyway."

He frowned. "He seems pretty drunk. I don't know if it's a good idea."

Cress put her hands on her hips. "I can handle myself with Thorne, Kai. It's not like I've never seen him drunk before."

Kai glanced over in the general direction of where Thorne had fallen down and then ran a hand through his hair. "Fine. Let's go."

As Kai took her across the deck again, Cress realized that she hadn't actually expected him to come with her. But they weaved their way through the crowd until they reached Iko and Thorne, laughing together by the railing.

Thorne chugged the remainder of his champagne and then his eyes snagged on Cress. They roamed over her dress, drinking her in too, before he gave her and Kai another lazy grin. "Come to join the real party?"

Iko jumped to hug Cress before she could respond. "Happy birthday!" she squealed. Then she turned to give Kai two thumbs up. "This is the best birthday party ever. I'm Iko, by the way. I've heard a lot about you and I _daresay_ Cress has been modest." She raised a pointed eyebrow at Cress before looping her arm around Thorne's elbow. "The Captain and I were just saying how cute the two of you are together."

"You were?" said Cress.

"Not as cute as Thorne and me, naturally, but probably the only couple that could compete with our awesomeness."

Thorne threw his head back and laughed—an exaggerated laugh that made Cress wonder just how many drinks he'd actually had.

"Well, it looks like the two of you are having fun," said Kai, looking like he was biting down his smile. "We'll leave you to your evening, then."

"Not so fast, mister," said Iko. "I think it's only fitting that you ask Cress's best girl friend to dance. We have lots to catch up on."

Kai looked between Iko and Thorne, his ears reddening slightly, before looking down at Cress for approval. She just shook her head. "Iko's right, you should probably get to know each other."

Iko was already releasing her arm from Thorne and moving close to Kai. She hesitated and turned back to her date. "I mean, if that's okay with you, baby."

"You can do whatever you want," he said with a shrug. "Besides, I have to give Cress her birthday present."

"In that case, let's see if your dance skills are as fab as Cress claims." She pushed him back into the mob of moving bodies.

Cress bit her lip and eyed Thorne warily. "How much have you had to drink?"

"Aw, is that a way to greet your best friend?"

"You caused quite a scene."

Instead of looking annoyed, Thorne looked proud. "I know. Come on, Cress, I want to give you your present."

She held out her hand. "Okay, let's have it."

She registered her clipped tone at the same time that his face fell.

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm not drunk at all. I was trying to make everyone stop looking at you. I could tell you were uncomfortable up there."

His statement caught her off guard, and for some reason, she suddenly felt confused. "Are you dating Iko?" she blurted. She didn't know why she'd said it, but she regretted it the instant she did.

"Uh—yeah. We're here together," he said, his brow wrinkling. He cocked his head sideways, studying her, then frowned. "Spades, you're still mad. Listen, I never got to say it in person so here it goes. I'm sorry that I tried to kiss you. It was wrong of me. I've barely had anything to drink tonight, but I did drink a bit at the wedding. We were dancing, having fun, and you looked so cute in that dress…" He let out a breath. "I got…confused. I know you're with Kai. I don't want my idiocy ruining our friendship. Can we forget it happened?"

She looked down at her heels then back up at her best friend. With the decorations and light reflecting off the water, he was almost a silhouette in front of her. And he looked…small. _Afraid_. Afraid of what she would say. "I was mad that you tried to use me as a rebound."

"That was never my—" He clenched his jaw shut and nodded. "You're right. You deserve so much more."

Thorne leaned onto railing and stared at the harbor. She joined him hesitantly, part wanting to run away, part wanting to crash into his arms and sob into his shoulder at how much she had missed him.

"Like this party," he continued. "And your boyfriend. I'm sure he'll make your dreams come true. And isn't that what all women want in the end?"

"Thorne…"

"Oh! Your present. Come on, I've got it by the coat check."

"There's a _coat check_?"

He ignored her and took off for the stairs that led to the lower deck. She held on to the railing as she climbed down, afraid she'd take a tumble at her very own birthday party. She'd had enough attention for one night already.

Thorne exchanged a ticket for a pink Victoria's Secret bag. When he saw her expression, he burst out laughing. "And your face right now is exactly why I chose this bag. Don't worry, it's not underwear."

She snatched the bag away from him and grumbled something about how rude and scandalous he was, but his grin didn't fade. Inside the offending bag were two poorly wrapped boxes with tape in all the wrong places. Cress opened the first one to reveal a small jewelry box. Raising an eyebrow, she undid the lid to find two feather earrings, the tops blue with the tips fading into a deep purple. They were beautiful.

"You're always browsing that artisan jewelry shop. Thought you might actually like to have something from it."

Her mouth dropped open. "Have you been on my computer?!"

"Cress. _You're_ always on your computer. You can't think that eventually I'm not going to notice what tabs you leave open?"

"Okay, fine, but I hope these weren't expensive."

"Nah, I think fifteen bucks."

"Thorne!"

"Hurry up and open the other one or Kai's going to think I'm down here trying to kiss you again." She made a face and he held up his hands. "Too soon? Yeah, too soon."

Cress unwrapped the second present, which was a DVD of _Tales from the Rampion: Part 2._

"No way!" she said excitedly. "They came out with a sequel?"

"Straight to DVD. Can't believe the critics didn't think that movie was worth it."

Cress turned the DVD over to read the back. She had enjoyed the movie a fair amount, but it had been one of Thorne's all-time favorites. She had a sneaking suspicion that Thorne figured she would eventually offer to watch it with him, therefore benefitting from the present too. It should have made her roll her eyes, but she knew that their time spent watching movies together was more than just about the actual film. It was about their friendship.

"We'll have to watch it soon. Thanks, Thorne. It was so sweet of you to get me something."

He waved his hand in the air. "I've been a bad friend lately. Thought you should have something for your birthday at least. Even if it is two weeks early."

"I guess the yacht was only available this weekend?"

He snorted. "This is a pretty extravagant birthday present."

"This isn't even my present! He got me a _laptop_." She whispered the word, trying to convey the scandal of it.

She thought Thorne's jaw would drop too, but he just looked somewhere over her shoulder. "Wow. Big spender."

"Good for me, right?" she said, remembering the comment he'd made about Ze'ev's choice of front-row seats.

Thorne still didn't look at her. "Well, maybe you guys can use the laptop to watch _Tales from the Rampion: Part 2._ You should probably make sure he's seen Part 1 first."

Cress snapped her fingers up in front of his face so he would look at her. "Don't be like that. You know I'm going to watch it with you. We'll have to do a mini-marathon."

He brightened instantly.

"They were both very thoughtful presents," she said, putting the DVD back in the bag.

Unfortunately, it was in that moment that Kai and Iko came down the stairs.

"Oh!" said Kai. "There you are." He looked relieved until his eyes caught sight of the bag in her hands. The Victoria's Secret bag. His eyes narrowed.

Cress shoved the bag into Thorne's chest and jumped away as if he had the plague. "That's not—we were just—"

"Don't be silly, Cress," said Iko, shooting a wink at Thorne. "That bag was a present for _me_. We didn't have anything to carry Cress's gift in when we got out of the car, so I suggested he use that." She reached into the bag, which Thorne was still clutching awkwardly, and pulled out the DVD as evidence.

Kai's relieved expression came back. "Sorry, I shouldn't have assumed—"

"No, you shouldn't have," said Cress, her courage suddenly returning now that she was no longer being wrongfully incriminated.

"Cress doesn't even shop there," said Iko, making Cress blush.

"I'm going to steal the birthday girl back now," said Kai, who sort of looked like he was trying to shrug off a blush himself. He reached for her, grabbing on to her hand and pulling her towards him. "I've got a few more events planned for her upstairs."

Cress tried to hide her cringe, but saw Thorne notice it. Iko certainly didn't, as she was busy latching herself on to Thorne again. He drew his gaze away from her and onto his date, dazzling her with his signature flirtatious grin. Cress nuzzled her face into Kai's chest, not wanting to look at the two of them.

Kai kissed her hair. "Everyone's waiting for you, Cress."

She reminded herself that Kai had planned this party for her. It was a grand, sweeping gesture that was probably making every other girl ripe with envy. Mustering up her courage, she squeezed his hand to reassure him, in case he had any doubt that _he_ was the one she wanted to spend her time with. Then she plastered on a smile.

She might have to set some limits on what qualified as a surprise in the future, though.


	13. Chapter 13

Heart-racing, Cress woke up doused with sweat. She sat up quickly to turn on the lights. Blinking furiously, she checked her surroundings and confirmed that she was still safe in her bed.

In her own room. In her own apartment.

Alone.

Very, _very_ much alone.

But her heart wouldn't stop racing.

"It was just a dream, it was just a dream, it was just a dream," she repeated to herself.

If she thought about it rationally and calmly then surely her personal demons would recede back into the terrifying dream—no, nightmare. The same recurring nightmare that continued to plague her no matter how old she got.

Cress clamored out of bed, tripping when one foot wouldn't undo itself from the sheets. She slammed into the wall hands-first and hopped until she could get untangled. Once steady again, she tried to inhale deeply but it came out sharp and punctuated. Her heart was still running a marathon and her breathing had now joined the race, competing for first place.

She had to get out of her head, change her setting, take control of the situation.

She stumbled out of her room.

The kitchen.

That was where she would go. She could get…water. Food. She could whip something up and have a delectable treat to distract her.

Yes.

"No…" she whispered, horrified. "Don't do it."

Another memory came back, hitting her like a cold bucket of ice water, making her want to crumple to the ground and stay there.

She'd only wanted to try the cake. It had pink frosting and fancy icing writing with these little gold stars. It was the prettiest cake she'd ever seen and even though she'd never had it before she knew it would be her favorite. The grown-ups had already eaten it and they'd left it in the fridge with saran wrapping and it had been so inviting.

Her body began to shake.

Then her knees did crumple, the dizziness already setting in.

"No," she whispered again. Not another panic attack. Not another panic attack.

She forced herself to crawl back to her bedroom. Reaching up, she grabbed the phone off her nightstand. Hands shaking, she pressed her speed dial.

Thorne's groggy voice sounded in her ear after the third ring.

"C-captain," she sobbed. "I n-need you."

Then she hung up and curled into a ball.

* * *

"Cress? Cress!"

Arms encircled her body and instinct told her to flinch away but the arms were warm, gentle, caring.

Hugging her.

She dared crack open an eye. "Th-th-th-th-th—" she tried, her teeth chattering.

"Shh," he said, pulling her into his chest. "You're safe. You're okay. It's just you and me. You're safe."

He rocked them back and forth while she cocooned herself inside his arms, crying so much harder than she had in months. The front of his shirt was soaked within minutes.

Thorne stroked her hair. "I thought it had gotten better."

"I-i-it," she began, then forced her jaw to relax. "It did. I haven't had a nightmare in months."

"That's so great, Cress! Really good sign."

She sniffed, pulling back to look at him. She found his face fraught with concern, despite his easy tone and comforting words. "I'm sorry it's so late. I shouldn't have called."

"Of course you should have." His expression relaxed ever so slightly. "3:30 a.m. is like my 9:00 p.m."

"It is not."

He grinned. "True, but I needed a chance to show off my pajamas."

She glanced down then at his legs. She was practically sitting on top of them. Despite the heat, he had on a pair of long, navy sweats. There was no way he slept in them.

"Thanks for coming," she said. "I know I've been distant but…"

"Don't even worry about it. I saw your call and got scared you were in a car accident or something. This scenario I can handle."

She was glad that at least one of them could handle it. But Thorne had always been the composed one, even when they were children. He always knew what to do, always had a plan of attack. He didn't let life mess with him. She liked that about him.

"Why do you think I still get them?"

Thorne's frown returned. He stared blankly at the wall behind her before looking back down and simultaneously tightening his arms around her back. "They were terrible people and it takes time to heal. But you've come so far already," he added quickly.

She nodded.

"Screw them and screw the panic," he said, almost bitterly.

"It was the cake this time," she whispered. A tremor ran through her body at the thought of it.

"The cake? _The cake?_ " Thorne narrowed his eyes defiantly, as if the cake were right in front of him and he were prepared to throw it against the wall. "As soon as the bakeries open, I will personally call each one and tell them never to sell that traitorous dessert ever again." He glanced at the clock on her wall. "Which should be in about ten minutes, since I think bakeries open around 4:00 a.m. for prep. _Ugh_ , can you imagine having that job?"

She almost giggled. It came out like a hiccup instead.

"Maybe that could be your future job. Cake police. I'll join. Our secret weapon could be infiltrating recipes with the wrong quantities of yeast."

"You're silly, Captain."

He beamed. "I try."

She sighed and tightened her own grip around his neck, leaning into his shoulder and letting all of her worries drain out of her. She was exhausted: mentally, physically, emotionally.

"Come on," said Thorne, tapping her shoulder blade, "let's get you to bed. You're still a bit clammy and shaky and you should sleep."

Thorne peeled her off of him and stood. He extended his hands and she took them, grateful to be helped to her feet. He was right; she was still shaky, even if she had gotten most of the shock out of her system. She dropped one of his hands but kept holding the other, leading him to her bed. When she sat down on it and made to pull him with her, he wriggled out of her grip.

"What are you doing?"

She blinked. "You always stay and help me fall asleep after one of my nightmares."

He swallowed. "Oh yeah. Right."

Cress slipped under the covers and held them open so he could get in too.

He didn't move, though.

Cress frowned. His expression was strange—torn, almost. As if he were battling with himself. His eyes were darker, dancing with...fear?

"Thorne?"

He ran both his hands through his hair, letting out a long, slow breath—the kind that Cress wished she could pull up from her lungs when she was in the midst of a nightmare aftermath. "Be right back."

He left the room and when he returned, he was dragging a chair in behind him. He set it next to her nightstand and sat down.

"You're just going to sit there?" she asked, confused.

"I'll stay with you until you fall asleep," he said, shrugging. He didn't look at her though when he talked, and she didn't like that. It made a strange tingle of worry glide down her spine.

So she smiled, mostly to try to reassure herself. "It's four in the morning. Just sleep here. I feel bad enough already that you had to come out. You must be exhausted too."

"I am," he said. "But it's fine."

She bit her lip. "But Thorne, we always—"

"I know."

"So what are you—"

"Did you call Kai?" Thorne asked suddenly.

Cress drew back, one eyebrow raising. "No, I called you…if I had called Kai, why would I have called you?"

Thorne shrugged. "I thought maybe you called him and he didn't pick up or something."

"No. I called you. I always call you."

Thorne was silent. She wanted to say something else, to beg him to get in bed so they could just go to sleep and forget about everything, but his expression kept her frozen in place.

"Does Kai even know?" he said quietly.

Cress shook her head. "It's not exactly something I advertised on my online profile."

"Of course not. But you and Kai are in love, you said."

"We are."

"Right. So, I'm not gonna tell you what parts of your past to reveal to your boyfriend but"—he shifted in the chair while trying to find the right words—"don't you think he should know?"

She had considered telling Kai several times, especially since it had gotten more serious between them. But she'd _never_ told anyone else about it. Only Thorne knew. She suspected that some of the kids at school had suspected it, and maybe even some of her teachers, but once she'd gone to college she had wanted to be a new person. Sixteen at the time, she had emancipated herself and had left that part of her identity in the past.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I don't think I'm the person who should be here," he said slowly. He ran his hands through his hair again. "I want to be—because I'm your friend, of course. But Kai should be the person you call at 3:00 a.m."

She couldn't help it; a tear spilled over her cheek.

"Oh hey, don't cry, Cress. I'm still here to talk to you about it, but…"

"But you want boundaries," she said, already wiping away the tear. Of course he did. "You and Iko must really be getting along great." She pulled her covers against her, suddenly self-conscious about the short pajama bottoms and mini tank top she was wearing. "You didn't care about cuddling with me when you dated all those other girls."

Thorne groaned. "It's not—Iko—I just—" He scrunched his hands into fists. "We're _both_ in relationships now, Cress."

"And everything was supposed to go back to normal _because_ we're both in relationships!" she cried, almost angry at him.

He stood up though, shaking his head. "Kai came to talk to me last week and I understand where he's coming from. He cares about you and I respect him for that. And I respect Iko. I already made a mistake once and I'm not going to do it again."

Her heart fluttered strangely at the memory of Thorne trying to kiss her at the wedding and she tried to remind herself that her intention of meeting Thorne at the cafe had been to talk about setting boundaries. This conversation needed to happen, even if she didn't want it to.

"We're not going to _do_ anything," she said.

"I _can't_ stay, Cress. Don't ask me again."

"Fine, I won't call you when I freak out anymore. Is that what you want me to say?" She turned away from him, facing her wall instead and shaking for a completely different reason now. Her nightmare seemed like a distant memory.

The mattress sank at the weight of another body, and she rolled back to her other side, hopeful. But Thorne was just sitting gingerly at the edge of her bed, looking like he might be attacked by cockroaches if he moved another inch in her direction. "You know that's not what I meant."

"You're right," she said, trying to sound indifferent. "That was unfair of me. You're right—we need boundaries. No more cuddling. No more bed sharing. Got it."

"Please don't be angry."

"Why should I be angry?" she said sarcastically, all semblance of indifference disappearing out the window. "It's obvious that if two people who have been _best friends since they were kids_ are left alone in a bedroom without adult supervision they'll clearly spend their time cheating on their partners by making babies all night!"

Thorne's jaw dropped open.

Cress immediately wanted to retract everything she had said, but it was too late. Guilt swept over her. So did confusion. And awkwardness. Her cheeks began to burn. "Sorry," she said, her voice barely a whisper. "That was uncalled for."

"Yeah." Thorne got up off the bed.

"No!" cried Cress, shooting into a sitting position. "Don't leave because of what I said! I really _am_ sorry. I just—need time to adjust to these changes. You were so sweet to come here. Please don't think I'm ungrateful. Please don't—"

"It's okay, Cress. Really, don't worry about it." Thorne bent down and picked up his keys from the floor. He twirled them in his hands, studying her. "You have a point about the other girls, though. I shouldn't have stayed here when I was with them, even if it was innocent. I get that now."

"Thorne…"

"I guess I'm finally growing up and seeing the error of my ways."

Her stomach twisted uncomfortably. She was the one who should be apologizing. She was the one who had been inappropriate and then acted out when he'd tried to be responsible.

"I guess we both knew it couldn't last forever, right?" she said. "We're too old for forts and captains and damsels these days."

"Nah," said Thorne, a slight grin gracing his otherwise serious features. It warmed her heart to see him smile again. "The forts, yes, but you'll always be my Damsel Darnel."

She smiled too, then held out her arms feebly. "Is it still okay to hug?"

"Hugging is _always_ okay, crazy."

Cress scrambled towards the edge of the bed and wrapped her arms around him. He pulled her close again, nearly lifting her knees off the bed, and she thought he might suffocate her. When he let go, he kissed the top of her head. "Are you going to be okay?

She nodded as she sank back on her heels. "I think I'm distracted enough by our conversation that my mind won't wander back to the memories. I'll just be thinking about you all night."

Thorne coughed. "Oh?"

"Yes," she said, poking him in the stomach. "And the cake police."

"Hey now, no joking about the cake police, Cress. It's a serious business." His grin grew until it was her favorite one—the crooked one with the dimple.

She saluted, pretending he was a real captain and fell back into the bed.

"I'm gonna get going, okay?" He twirled his keys again.

"You can stay on the couch if you want."

"I think I'd rather have a real bed."

"Of course."

Thorne watched her, as if he wanted to say something, but then clearly decided against it. He walked to her door and turned off her light. He was shutting the door to her bedroom when he paused.

"Cress? Think about telling Kai. I bet he would be there for you if you needed him in that capacity. He seems like a great guy. I picked him, remember?"


	14. Chapter 14

The following Saturday, Cress clung to Thorne's words: _I picked him, remember_?

Sure, when he'd initially picked Kai, she had seen the same things as he had: his profile, a few of their online chats, and his picture. But Thorne had thought Kai would be a good fit for her, and now that he had met him a few times he still thought so. Thorne knew her better than anyone—her likes and dislikes, her hopes and fears, even her past. If he was still confident about Kai, then she should be too.

Thorne hadn't been wrong so far. Kai had shaped up to be everything she had ever dreamed about in a boyfriend—fantasized about, even. He had some things he needed to learn about her and her preferences, but there certainly weren't any red flags.

At least, not until today.

And it was a literal red flag. Kai had just placed it in her hands. The words _Impeach Blackburn!_ that were written on the red fabric billowed in the wind. Her hands shook, but it wasn't just due to the unexpected weight of the rod.

Now that she was on the scene, she couldn't believe she had let Kai talk her into going to another protest. The first and only one she'd been to had been a little crazy, but she'd tried to reign in the panic at the thought of another one because this was really important to Kai. Girlfriends and boyfriends were supposed to be supportive of each other's causes, after all.

And this was Kai's biggest cause.

More so than she'd realized, apparently, because Kai was actually the one _leading_ the protest this time. The last time, Kai had taken her hand and she had simply walked alongside him in the huge mass of bodies. She had kept quiet while he echoed the group chants listing all the reasons why President Blackburn didn't deserve her title. She had gripped his hand like a woman giving birth and allowed his presence to soothe her nerves. It had only lasted about an hour, and that had been enough.

But Kai had said that this was likely the most important thing that he would do all year. They were close to being heard—to getting real results. She had confessed her fear of crowds then, even tried to bring up the party and the speech and tried not to hurt his feelings. He had kissed her and told her that he appreciated her telling him and would factor this into future plans between them. But this one time, for this event of utmost importance, he needed her to be brave. _Brave like a hero_ , he'd said.

At the present moment, Cress wasn't feeling brave at all. Heroism wasn't even on the list at this point. She just wanted to drop the flag on top of her body and allow it to swallow her up alive.

There were thousands of people facing them as Kai got the crowds riled up. "Levana Blackburn is destroying our country!" he shouted into the megaphone, making Cress flinch back at the deafening volume of it all. "We will not recognize a murderer and dictator as our president!"

Cinder, on the other side of Cress, raised her own megaphone to her mouth and her fist in the air. "We do not recognize imposters!"

The crowd cheered. Cress attempted a smile and a lame wave of her flag.

"She has taken the values that this country was built upon and twisted them with greed!" Cinder yelled again, fist still raised. "Today we take our values back!"

In unison, Kai and Cinder yelled: "We will be heard!"

The crowd went crazy. Cress didn't honestly think it was that great of a speech. Sure, Kai thought that President Blackburn should be impeached for supposedly faking the suicide of the other candidate during elections, but Kai was benefiting from the current government much more than others. Kai was filthy rich, it seemed, and had much to gain from the capitalist system that he was so vehemently against.

She'd never told him, but she secretly wondered why he wouldn't even give up having a maid if he wanted President Blackburn to get impeached for her greed?

She glanced up at her boyfriend, who was far too busy egging on the crowd with Cinder to notice that Cress was still trembling beside him. But she would try to be brave. For him. For them.

Because he was an awesome, supportive boyfriend and she was going to be an awesome, supportive girlfriend right back.

If she survived this protest.

Kai and Cinder turned abruptly beside her and the crowd began marching towards her. Cress scurried behind her boyfriend and his best friend in an attempt to catch up, the flag dipping in front of her. "Kai," she said breathlessly, "it's too heavy."

"What?" he shouted back at her.

She gestured at the flag and mouthed: "Too…heavy…!"

His eyes widened and he bent down to relieve her of the flag. He kissed her cheek as he took it away to pass it to another protestor, and Cress saw him beaming at her like she was his own personal drop of sunshine. She smiled back, happy that her attempts at supporting him were showing. How could she not do this for him from time to time if it made him this joyful at her presence?

So she kept marching, without a flag and without a megaphone, doubling her pace to keep up with the long, strong strides of Cinder and Kai at her sides. The next time they yelled something, she raised her own hands and mimed what they were saying. She didn't shout though. She wasn't much for shouting.

She was more for observing, actually, and as the march progressed she couldn't help but notice how in sync Kai and Cinder were.

Their footsteps matched. They shared conspiratorial glances and laughs. They high-fived over Cress's head.

They were just like her and Thorne.

The realization of it hit her hard. Sure, Kai had already told her that, but to see it so up close and personal was something entirely different. It had been a few weeks since she'd given the two of them much thought, but walking between them gave her all the time in the world to think about it.

Kai had an ease with Cinder that he didn't have with Cress yet. She did have that same ease with Thorne, of course, but they'd grown up together. Known each other _forever_. Slept in the same _bed_.

A little bit of jealousy crept its way into her already frazzled nerves. Kai had probably slept in the same bed with Cinder…but for different reasons than her and Thorne.

Kai and Cinder hadn't started out as best friends. At least she didn't think so. Kai would have mentioned that detail while comparing his friendship with Cinder to hers with Thorne. Which meant that the two of them had been attracted to each other from the start.

It was definitely different.

She reached out her hand and put it on Kai's back—a slight movement, but he grinned down at her nonetheless amidst his continued shouting. Her jealousy dissipated.

Her anxiety didn't.

Maybe she should invite Cinder out for lunch sometime, just to talk and get to know her without Kai around. If she was Kai's best friend, then she was probably a really cool person. The times they'd all hung out together had gone smoothly. Except Cinder was really intimidating at the moment, with her megaphone and angry eyes and cheers.

Cress sucked in a breath and continued forward. She would be intimidating too. She used her imagination to help her keep marching. She was a general in a Civil War reenactment. Everyone was counting on her to lead the way to victory. It was the Battle of…

Cress couldn't remember any battles in the Civil War at the moment.

She would be a Patriot instead, fighting for independence.

Kai screamed, "Impeach Blackburn!" and Cress said, "The British are coming!" in response. No one heard her, of course.

Spectators had gathered along their path, which was actually a major road that they were attempting to control as part of their protest. If President Blackburn wouldn't get impeached, then the citizens didn't need to be driving today.

Or something.

She racked her brain for the way that Kai had explained it to her before he'd given her the flag.

The spectators were shouting things at the protestors. Cress tried to hear what they were saying, but Cinder and Kai screamed back at them through the megaphones, encouraged by the voices behind them that chanted whatever it was they did.

She really needed water. And some shade.

"Kai," she said, "I need to take a break."

But Kai didn't hear her. He ran ahead of the crowd and began jogging backwards so he could keep his eyes on the protestors. "Impeach Blackburn! Down with the imposter! Impeach Blackburn! Down with the imposter!"

Cress's panic spiked when she saw a police blockade at an intersection ahead of Kai, where they were supposed to turn the corner to get into the center of the city.

"Kai!" she yelled, trying to be heard over the deafening roar. It was useless.

Cinder, thankfully, saw the cops too. She stopped and held up her hand. "Do not engage!" she yelled into her megaphone.

The protestors fell silent.

Cress breathed a sigh of relief. It was over.

Except…it wasn't.

"Do not engage with the police, who wish to infringe on the rights bestowed on us by the First Amendment!" she continued.

"It is our constitutional right to assemble peaceably!" echoed Kai, waving them forward. Everyone kept walking, and Cress could do nothing to stop the people behind her from urging her forward too until they reached Kai and the police blockade.

"Form a solid line!" he called from the megaphone.

People rushed ahead and around her, sandwiching her amid a sea of bodies. She was too short to see what was happening; she only knew that there were sweaty arms and legs pressed against her own overheated skin and that everyone was shouting, shouting, shouting.

It was getting hard to breathe.

An unfamiliar voice blared over all of the uproar, telling them to clear the street so that traffic could move through it. They did not have permission to occupy these streets. They would be arrested if they did not leave peaceably.

Cress called out for Kai, but she couldn't see him anymore. She could hear his voice somewhere, shouting about the rights of free speech against tyranny…or something.

Little black spots formed in her vision and Cress latched onto the arm of the person pushing against her from the right. "H-help," she stuttered, dizziness rolling over her like a heat wave. Maybe it really _was_ a heat wave.

But the person didn't help her. No one did. She tripped, but the person she was already latched onto shoved her away forcefully, making her smack against another neighbor's chest.

Shouting.

So much shouting.

Then there was a sudden surge from the people behind her, and this time she fell forward onto the ground, catching the gravel with her palms.

This was it. She was going to black out and then be trampled to death.

Strong hands pulled her off the ground immediately.

"Cress," said Kai, putting his hand around her waist to steady her. _He had found her_. "It's okay! We're not going to give up!"

"Kai…"

"I've got you!" Then he yelled into his megaphone again. "Do not engage! This is a peaceful protest and we have every right to be here!" While the crowd cheered again, he said to Cress, "Be brave!"

"I can't," she whispered.

Kai gripped her waist more firmly, his fingers pulling her closer to him. "Yes, you can! I'm so proud of you for coming along this far already!"

She tried to clear her spinning head as Kai blocked someone behind them from slamming into them. Everyone was so angry and agitated. Those types of people always made her anxiety flare. "I want to go home."

"That's what they want you to think, Cress. That's what _she_ wants. This is the time to stay and fight for the people! This is bigger than us! It's for a greater cause!"

Cress shook her head. "I need to go home. Now."

Kai's look of determination faltered. "Cress?"

The police began yelling into their megaphones again. It was too much. She was not brave. She was not willing to sacrifice her sanity for this.

For him.

She had to stick up for herself. "I said I need to go!"

Kai's grip on her her waist loosened, but his eyes tightened. She gave him a pleading look.

"I'm staying."

She gasped. "How will I get home?"

"What?" he said, trying to hear her over all the noise.

"HOW…WILL…I—"

But her words were lost when a group of protestors beside them tried to jump the police barricade. Kai swore and let go of Cress's waist to scream "DO NOT ENGAGE!" as loudly as he could with both hands firm on the megaphone. Cress swayed without his supportive hand.

That's when the police released the tear gas.

Cress figured out what was going on too late. Though she closed her eyes, her sharp inhale of fear at the approaching gas made her chest feel like it was being kicked by a donkey. The wind knocked out of her and the gas stung and stung and she fell to the ground blindly, clutching her chest. Someone stepped on her arm and she screamed, but it was lost when another hit of the gas in her lungs made her cough so violently that she vomited.

Kai found her again. He was coughing too, but he told her to keep her eyes shut as he pulled her to her feet and dragged her out of the crowd. After stumbling like drunkards they reached a patch of grass off the street and collapsed into it. They both laid there—panting, coughing, retching.

Cress finally vomited again.

Kai told her it was clear to open her eyes, but she felt like death itself had claimed her. Mucus was running down her face and her eyes watered from the after effects even though she had kept them closed as much as possible. She didn't dare reach for her face when her hands had been exposed to the gas too.

"Need…to shower…off chemicals," Kai choked out. "Get...home."

His eyes were red, tearing, swollen. He had mucus coming out of his nose too. He looked positively dreadful, but his bleary eyes weren't staring at hers. They were searching the crowds.

"Y-you saved me," she managed to say.

Kai's eyes didn't leave the crowds. She tried to sit up and see what he was looking for. The people had somewhat dispersed and the remnant of the gas was floating upward, though a thick cloud of it was left in the middle. Some people were crying. Others were lying on the ground in handcuffs. The police had on masks. She wondered if everyone else that was taller than her had seen it coming.

"Kai." She tugged on his arm to draw his attention back to her. It ached where someone had stepped on her and she wondered if it had done any lasting damage. Her whole body hurt, though, so she couldn't spare the extra effort to examine it at the moment.

"I don't see Cinder."

"Call her," she said, trying to urge him back to his feet. Really she needed _Kai_ to help her regain her own footing, but she knew he was hurt too.

He called Cinder but she didn't answer and he pocketed his phone quickly. When he regarded Cress again, Kai's red eyes were blinking with panic rather than with pain. "I have to find her."

"I'm sure she's okay, Kai," Cress insisted. "She seems pretty tough. We need to get out of here."

"She could be hurt."

Cress pushed herself up to her knees and took several deep breaths. The clean air was welcome, but her lungs still burned. She needed to get home and she didn't want to wait anymore. "Please, Kai. Can we go home? You said we needed to shower. I think I might need to see a doctor…my arm…"

His eyes flicked back to her. "Is it broken?"

"I don't think so…someone stepped on it, and—"

"Can you call Thorne?"

Cress froze. "What?"

Kai took her arm and looked at it more closely. "I'm sorry you got hurt, Cress. I should have let you go when you wanted to. But this is crazy. I feel better knowing that at least you're safe, because I could never forgive myself if something happened to you. But now I need to go find Cinder. What if she got arrested? She'll need bail money."

"But—"

"Call Thorne. I know he'll come get you if you need help. Maybe he can even take you to the doctor. I'm in no condition to drive."

Cress's eyes started watering again, but it wasn't because of the tear gas. For the second time that day, Kai didn't want to help her get home. And now, he was ditching her to go help Cinder.

A part of her felt selfish. Maybe Cinder _was_ hurt.

She swiped at her tears, forgetting about the chemicals on her hands, and cursed when her eyes stung like death again. She had residue particles all over her body. She was physically and emotionally wrecked. "Got it," she said, struggling to get up.

Kai finally got to his feet too. He ran his fingers through his hair as he stared at her crying. "I'm sorry it ended this way, Cress. Things got out of hand."

"Go find Cinder," was all she could get out. A sob was threatening to force her to her knees again. "I'll call Thorne." He reached for her, but she jerked away. "Go."

He nodded. "I'll call you as soon as I figure out what's going on."

She stumbled away from him, but he was already attempting to run back into the street. Pulling out her phone, she squinted at the keypad to dial for help. But she didn't call Thorne. She had already played her Damsel card last week. Thorne had told her that Kai was the person she should call during a panic attack now.

So she called a cab to pick her up at the nearest intersection instead.

* * *

Once at home, Cress showered for what felt like hours, scrubbing at her skin with her pink loofah until the entire bottle of lavender body wash was empty. Still unsatisfied that she could ever forget the vicious feeling of the gas hitting her lungs, she eventually settled onto the couch to soak up the melodrama of one of her favorite romantic comedies with a bucket of ice for her arm—now beginning to bruise, but likely not broken.

She was used to crying at the happy endings of sappy movies, but this time she barely made it twenty minutes before she started bawling. Unable to process her emotions about the afternoon and everything that had happened with Kai, she finally decided to text Thorne. He didn't have to come rescue her, but maybe he would be up for finishing the movie with her.

 _What are you up to, Captain?_ she asked, trying to remember what his weekend plans had been this week. Trying to keep it light.

_Hey Damsel! Just about to go meet Iko, you?_

Cress deflated. So much for inviting him over. _Spending the day with Kai,_ she texted back.

 _OooOooooOooo_ , he teased, sending her way too many heart emojis.

 _Right back at you_ , she typed.

_Thanks again for setting me up with Iko. She told me you helped._

She read the words on her screen several times before responding. Truth was, she didn't know how to respond. She imagined Thorne picking up Iko with flowers and making jokes with her while she called him Captain.

 _Her_ nickname for him.

She tried to attribute her onslaught of jealousy to the fact that Thorne was _her_ best friend and she didn't want someone else taking her place in his life. Plus, she was miserable about Kai and taking it out on Iko because she didn't know how to take it out on Kai.

 _Thorne_ would never leave her alone at a protest after she'd been assaulted with tear gas.

But if Thorne had been with Iko in that situation, he still would have tried to find Cress among the mob to make sure she was okay, wouldn't he?

Yes. Thorne _would_ have found her even if Iko had been there too—just as Kai had gone searching for Cinder despite being with Cress. Because the two of them were best friends.

The knot that she'd been trying to ignore since Kai had left her alone returned to her stomach. It all made sense to her logically, but none of it felt right in her heart.

 _I'm so happy for the two of you_ , she finally texted.

That was the one of the first times she intentionally lied to her best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: The information about effects of tear gas on the body were taken from "What To Do If Hit By Tear Gas" from the Business Insider. "Kicked by a donkey" is the author of that article's explanation of what it feels like to inhale tear gas.


	15. Chapter 15

Kai didn't call her. He only texted his apologies, saying that he was too emotionally drained from the day to talk. He wanted to make sure that she had gotten home okay, managed to shower off the chemicals, and to know if she'd needed to see a doctor.

Cinder had indeed been arrested, and he'd spent some time at the station helping her sort out the paperwork and fronting the bail money. He confessed that Cinder didn't have a lot of money nor a lot of supportive family, and he knew she'd be stuck in there until her court date if he didn't do anything about it.

Cress tried to be understanding. She knew what it was like to not have family support in _all_ facets of life, and how crucial it was to have that one friend to depend on in times of need. Cinder was in more need than Cress was right now, and she was proud that her boyfriend cared so much about his best friend to take care of her.

But wrestling with all that was the fact that her heart just plain _hurt_. She wasn't really sure if it was completely broken, but the day's events had wedged something blunt in her heart. It was hard not to feel selfish and want to be Kai's number one at all times. Her favorite part of the movies she liked to watch was when the guy stepped in to save the day and showered the girl with attention.

This didn't feel like one of those scenes at all.

She felt like the second choice.

A chore.

A burden.

Her thoughts drifted into a combination of bitterness and sadness. It wasn't the first time Kai had gravely misunderstood what she needed. Sniffing, she texted Kai that it would be better to talk in person once they'd both had some sleep. He immediately agreed and offered to come over the following day.

Cress considered it.

It would be Sunday. Traditionally it had always been her lunch date day with Thorne, but since she'd been dating Kai, everything had gotten turned around. They'd barely seen each other on Sundays lately. She wanted her lunch and movie with her best friend. She needed it.

 _Craved_ it, even.

She agreed to Kai coming over but prefaced it with the fact that she "already had plans" and would "only be able to take some time" away from her friend.

Kai said he understood, of course.

He always understood.

When she finished texting Kai, she texted Thorne and prayed that he would still be up for a _Tales of the Rampion_ marathon.

* * *

"I missed you," was the first thing Cress said as she flung herself into Thorne's arms when he arrived at her apartment the following day.

He returned the hug and planted a kiss on her cheek. "You must have. My favorite movie _and_ you're doing the cooking? Are we celebrating something?"

Cress stuck her tongue out at him. "Just needed some quality Captain-Damsel time. I know it was last minute."

Kicking off his shoes like he always did, Thorne dropped his keys on her entry table as if he lived there. He'd had a key since she had moved in, so in some ways, it felt like he did. Originally, he was only supposed to use it for emergencies or when she locked herself out, but her best friend had quickly abused the privilege. Now, it was second nature.

"I've always kept my Sunday afternoons open for you."

"I know," she said, wringing her hands, "but things have changed since I started dating Kai and…I don't know, I thought maybe you might start blocking off Sundays for Iko."

His eyes swept over her once before he laughed. Then he put his hand behind her back and ushered her into her own apartment. "Iko and I may be getting along great, but I don't think we're _quite_ at that stage yet." He shrugged when they entered the kitchen. "And maybe I was secretly hoping you'd miss our dates and have a change of heart."

Thorne poked her, but Cress didn't bother looking up at him. She knew his face was totally smug. But her eyes landed somewhere on his chest, and she noticed that he was just wearing a T-shirt. A glance down confirmed that he had on basketball shorts—Thorne's summer version of Sunday sweatpants. The thought that things could return to normal made her smile, so she allowed him his smugness just this once.

"I made pad thai with shrimp," she said, opening the lid of the pot on her stove.

Thorne looked like he would collapse out of joy. "You're an angel." He lowered his voice to a whisper. "Iko can't cook at all."

"Ah, so that's why you agreed to come over. You're starving."

"Definitely."

When they began eating, Thorne wolfed down a plate before Cress could even finish a third of hers. It was obvious by his desire for seconds that he liked the food, but she had kind of hoped he'd compliment her on the way she'd managed to stir-fry everything perfectly. Kai would praise her on her cooking skills after taking just one bite.

But Thorne wasn't Kai.

He wasn't trying to flatter her or impress her with his manners.

And now she was comparing the two of them again.

_Great._

"Thorne?" she asked when there was a lull in their conversation. "I'm thinking of breaking up with Kai."

Thorne's fork paused in front of his mouth. He took a bite and chewed. Slowly.

She waited and waited for his reaction.

"Oh?" was all he said when he had finished chewing.

"That's sort of why I invited you here today. For moral support." She looked down at her plate. "I'm sorry."

His hand on her shoulder made her look up again. "Sorry you wanted moral support from me? Don't be."

"Kai's coming over in an hour."

" _Ah_." He pressed his lips together but Cress caught his hidden grin. "So you need moral support or a decoy in case things get ugly?"

She nodded guiltily.

"You couldn't have picked a better man for the job. If it's an escape route you need, who is more suited than a criminal mastermind?"

"Are you supposed to be the criminal mastermind in this scenario?" she asked dryly.

"I'm offended that you'd think otherwise."

She snorted and began picking at her food again. "You're not."

Thorne stabbed a piece of shrimp with his fork and twirled it around his plate. He waited for her to look at his face, which she did reluctantly. He turned serious. "Want to tell me what's going on?"

Cress shoved away her plate and groaned. She didn't even know where to begin. If she told Thorne what had happened yesterday, he would probably get mad at Kai. Besides, she wasn't even a hundred percent sure of what she wanted anyway. But she'd had twenty-four hours of intense soul searching and the more she thought about it, the more she could pinpoint things in her relationship that seemed off.

"I get confused when I think about him. Maybe I got swept away by Kai being so perfect," she said. "I made this list once of all the things I wanted in a guy and he was only missing two of the items."

She left out the detail that she had made the list two days after Thorne had told her that she was just like a sister to him and she needed to get over him. The list had served the purpose of naming all of things she didn't like about Thorne and why they could never work out together romantically. But then she'd decided to make a positive list after that. One that detailed everything she'd ever desired to have in a future boyfriend and eventual husband.

"Do you still have the list?"

Cress walked to the bedroom and, sinking to her hands and knees, pulled out the little shoebox she'd decorated in high school to house the few important things she cherished. Since then, she'd added other things to the box that were significant too, like the results of the DNA test that proved Dr. Erland was really her father.

Thorne sat down on the carpet next to her as she sifted through more of her belongings and finally extracted the faded yellow paper with her high school handwriting. The dried-up splotch in the left-hand corner from where she had let a tear fall on the paper was no longer distinguishable. She handed the list to Thorne.

He sat back against the wall and read the list aloud, making Cress blush furiously and Thorne raise his eyebrows in disbelief at her. " _Plays guitar_?" he said incredulously at item #27. "Does Kai play the guitar?"

"No, that's one of the two he missed."

"What's the other one?"

"Won't break my heart."

Thorne folded the paper. "Cress. No guy is ever going to live up to these standards."

"Kai almost did!" she exclaimed.

" _Almost_ being the key word. Even that seems unlikely."

"Unlikely doesn't mean impossible. Don't you want me to hold out for someone who makes all my dreams come true? Isn't that what you said at my birthday party?"

Thorne closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. He was silent for a few beats, then cracked one eye open. "I did say that, didn't I?"

"Yes."

He sighed. "If Kai isn't who you need him to be, then who cares about the list? Just go off what you feel."

"Feelings can be treacherous."

"Is that a line from a movie?"

"It should be," she said, taking the paper from him and storing it gently in her box. The convenient thing about online dating was that she could find out if a guy met specific criteria on her list from just his profile. She didn't have to bother with falling in love with him first in order to find out later that he didn't even meet the basic things she required of a boyfriend.

"Are you going to tell me what actually happened?" Thorne was eyeing her box like it contained a bomb, so she shut it quickly and pushed it back under the bed. She slumped against her bed frame and began to tell him about what had happened yesterday.

Thorne's frown grew more punctuated with each detail. By the time she was telling him about her trampled arm, he was downright scowling. "Let me see it," he said, taking her arm and rolling up the sleeve on the dress she had worn today so it wouldn't be so obvious.

"It's just bruised," she said.

He gasped when he saw it. "It looks like you spilled a jar of ink on it."

"It's just—"

Thorne leaned down and began to lightly kiss her arm where the bruises were, inch by inch until he'd covered every spot. Cress's words caught in her throat as goosebumps made their way onto her skin. She wondered if Thorne noticed.

"There," he said, letting go of her arm. "I've heard that should make it all better."

Though his tone was light-hearted, the intensity of his stare suddenly made her nervous. She forced out a laugh and used her bed to help her to her feet. "Thanks. I'm sure I won't even be able to see it tomorrow."

He did not laugh. He actually looked _distressed_. "I might have to revoke my original approval of Kai. I don't think I want you dating guys who are involved in these types of protests. It sounds really dangerous."

"The protest itself was okay, just not him leaving me there." That was a lie, though. The entire protest had made her uncomfortable, so why couldn't she just say that?

Thorne shook his head. "It's not just that. I can't believe he would put you in a situation like that. Why didn't you call me? I would have picked you up."

"Oh, I don't know…" she said, leaving him to walk back to the kitchen. He caught up a little too quickly. "I was in shock. I didn't really think about anything except getting home."

She was lying again. Why was she lying to him? And why was the fact that his arm was mere inches away from her arm making the goosebumps return on her skin? She rolled her sleeve down hastily and took to opening the fridge and pretending to look for the dessert she'd stress-baked yesterday: a five-layer red velvet cake with way too much chocolate frosting.

"I still can't believe he _left_ you," Thorne said, his arm draped over the fridge door. "I kind of want to punch him." She ignored him and took the cake out. His eyes popped at the sight of it. "I guess you haven't had any more nightmares."

"Not about cake," she said. "Here, make yourself useful." She handed him a knife and he dutifully began cutting it into thick slices.

When they had settled into the couch, Thorne paused in the midst of gorging himself on the cake. "So if Kai stopped going to protests, would you want to stay with him?"

Cress toyed with two thick strands of her hair. She had thought about that a lot last night. She hadn't had any nightmares but that was probably because she hadn't slept a wink. Her mind hadn't stopped churning for even a minute. "I don't know. I just feel like something's off and now that I've noticed it, I can't shut it off."

The doorbell rang and Cress nearly screamed.

Thorne, noticing her panic, relieved her of her cake and put the plate on his lap. "I can't help but feel I'm benefitting from Kai's need to take down President Blackburn." He began eating her cake and grinned wickedly.

"Can you be serious for a minute!" she whispered.

Thorne sighed and put the two plates on his lap onto the coffee table. "You want serious? Fine. I'll give you serious." He stood up and made for the door. Cress, realizing what he was about to do, ran after him.

It was too late. He opened the door before she could and there was Kai.

With flowers.

"Hi Kai," said Cress, trying to nudge Thorne away from the entrance.

Thorne didn't move. Neither did Kai, who looked positively annoyed that Thorne was standing there.

Cress gulped. "Um, Thorne was just over to watch a movie. He's going back to the living room to give us some privacy," she said pointedly.

"That's right," said Thorne, an easy smile returning to his face. "I just wanted to greet the douchebag who left my best friend alone and hurt at a protest so he could go look for another girl."

Cress gasped. "Thorne!"

Kai crossed his arms, the flowers bending underneath his armpit. He did not respond.

"And he's got absolutely nothing to say for himself," Thorne continued.

"I've got nothing to say to _you_ ," said Kai. To Cress, he said, "Can we talk alone, please?"

"Yes, we can," she said firmly. "Go away, Thorne."

"Fine." He grabbed his keys off the table and practically jumped into his shoes. "I'll be outside if you need me, Cress."

Kai followed Cress into the living room. His eyes wandered from the plates on the kitchen table to the couch and the cake. "Celebrating something?"

She blushed. "Just hanging out."

"I see." He extended the flowers to her somewhat awkwardly. Unlike her, he wasn't wearing long sleeves, and she could see that he was sprouting some bruises too—nothing like hers though. She accepted the flowers and sat them on the counter. Kai put his hands in his pockets. "I'm sorry about yesterday, Cress."

Cress studied the big toe on her left foot. She hated confrontations, even if she had known that it would happen.

"I did all the wrong things, from pushing you to stay in the protest when you wanted to leave, to leaving you alone when things got bad. You have to know that I wouldn't have left if I didn't know that you were capable of getting home safely. It's just that Cinder—"

"She's your best friend. I get it."

She glanced up at him. His beautiful brown eyes were filled with regret. "I want _you_ to be my best friend, Cress. I want you to be the person I waste half my day on trying to find. I want you to be the person I worry about the most."

It sounded romantic, but Cress knew what he was getting at before he had even finished. It was the way his voice was tinged with sadness, not pleading.

"But I'm not."

Kai ran both his hands through his hair. "Maybe we could get there someday, you know? But right now some of this is feeling a little forced. I realized that yesterday." He took her hand. "I love you. I want you to know that, but—"

"I feel the same way."

Kai's eyebrows lifted. "You—you do?"

She took in a deep breath to steady herself. She still had goosebumps, but it was for a different reason. She was absolutely terrified of making the wrong decision. "I've started wondering if we're right for each other." She couldn't help it; a tear slid down her cheek.

Kai immediately wiped it away with his thumb. It was as if it were programmed in him to do exactly the right thing at exactly the right time. Except when it came to the things that really mattered to her, he didn't seem to know what the right thing was. Because he didn't really know her, despite all the time they'd spent together so far.

"We could be right for each other," said Kai. "We could spend more time together. Talking about deeper things, maybe, so we get a better feel for each other's needs."

She nodded. "We could."

He squeezed her hand. "I'm willing to give it a try if you are. That is, if you're willing to forgive me for yesterday."

She bit her lip. "Can I think about it? Not about the protest but about us in general. I thought I had decided what I wanted but now that you're here I don't know exactly what to think. I probably shouldn't make any rash, emotional decisions."

Kai laughed. "I appreciate that." He pulled her hand to him until she was close enough to wrap his arms around her waist. "I'm sorry again," he whispered. The way he said it sent a shock through her spine, like he was saying goodbye.

"I'll call you when I figure things out," she said.

He kissed her cheek and strangely it reminded her of how Thorne always did that. Thorne, who was probably standing outside the door. Thorne, who probably expected her to fall apart like she usually did. But beside the one tear that had escaped her, she didn't feel as bad as she had thought she would.

One slice of cake would probably do the trick.

Thorne was, indeed, standing outside the door waiting for them. He straightened when they opened the door and cast a glance between the two of them. For once, Cress couldn't read him.

"Goodbye Thorne," said Kai.

"Bye," muttered Thorne, watching Kai like a hawk. He disappeared down her stairwell. Thorne re-entered the apartment like a cop on duty and swung the door shut behind him. "You okay?"

Cress shrugged. "We didn't break up."

Thorne's face fell. "Oh."

"I know you no longer like him, but I told him that I needed some time to think things over."

He pulled at his T-shirt as if he were too hot. "Okay. Got it. It's your choice, obviously."

"Your opinion matters."

"My opinion is _all_ that matters."

She shoved him. "Come on, let's go watch the movie. I promise to press pause every ten seconds when a thought about Kai flits through my brain that I need your opinion on."

Thorne pretended to gag.

"It's all your fault, you know. You picked him."

"Ugh, don't remind me."

They got ready to watch the movie and Cress polished off her piece of cake in a heartbeat. She savored the chocolate icing and grinned proudly at Thorne when she reached for a second helping. He stared at her quizzically.

"What?"

"You sure you're okay?"

"I think I will be once I figure out what I want."

He didn't look convinced.

" _What_?" she said again.

"Nothing. Just one of those moments, I guess, where I once again have to remind myself that you're not just the scared little kid next door."

"I was more than just a scared little kid," she huffed. "I was the Damsel."

"Not today you're not."

"Why not?"

He reached out to her face with his thumb the way Kai had, but he wiped some frosting off the top of her lip instead. "I'm really proud of how you handled everything. From the protest to deciding to think about things with Kai…you're kind of amazing, you know that? Way more mature than I am."

" _Now_ you realize it."

"I think you should be Captain today."

Cress gaped at him for a full three seconds before she burst out laughing. " _'You should be Captain today'_? Oh my stars, someone call Kai and tell him that you're stealing his cheesy lines!"

Suddenly annoyed, Thorne crossed his arms mutinously before changing his mind and reaching for the remote. "Well that offer is totally off the table now, thank you very much."

"Uh-huh. Sure."

"It was a one-time offer only. Never going to happen again."

Cress just kept giggling until he switched on the TV.


	16. Chapter 16

The next few days of thinking things over were less heart-wrenching than she'd anticipated, but Cress couldn't shake the knot that had made a permanent home for itself in her stomach. It was a knot of discomfort and annoyance, like an itch inside her that she just couldn't scratch away.

Kai gave her space for exactly two days, then his texts started up again, acting as though they were still together.

Which they were, of course.

She just hadn't thought he'd pretend like everything was _normal_. She had wanted more time to think and less romantic texts.

Shaking her head at the latest one to show up on her screen, a text which recounted the night he'd taken her stargazing, Cress wondered how she'd gotten to a point where she of all people wanted anything _but_ romantics texts?

Hadn't that been what she'd wanted?

Romance, romance, romance.

 _Not right now_ , she thought. Kai was supposed to be thinking things over too, wasn't he? She tried to recall exactly how she'd phrased the space she needed during their conversation, but fell short. Hadn't he said things felt forced on his side sometimes as well? Why did it then come across like he'd taken their conversation as a challenge to win her back?

Stars, that was romantic too—the idea that he wanted to fight for her.

Grumbling, she sent back a passive-aggressive smiling emoticon and no words.

* * *

She began ignoring him completely shortly after that. It wasn't the most mature thing to do, but she did give him a warning that she'd go "MIA for a bit."

She baked. Took walks. Visited an animal shelter and played with the puppies. Spent time with two friends she'd meant to reconnect with since she'd graduated. Considered painting her living room yellow. Went with blue instead.

She did anything but think about Kai and whether he was the right guy for her.

Because every time she did, the stupid knot came right back.

That was how she knew.

* * *

She broke up with him a week and a half later. She had wanted it work, but the knot didn't go away until the words left her mouth. She tried to explain that it wasn't his fault—wasn't anything he'd done. Something had just…changed.

They were both sad. Cress even cried a bit, but on the way home afterward, she realized it was more for the idea of Kai than Kai himself.

They agreed to stay friends. Or at least, try.

Kai said that _he_ might need some space from her after this, for a time at least.

Cress thought maybe he finally understood the concept.

* * *

"If breaking up with Kai was the right thing, then why do I still feel crappy?"

The line went silent while Thorne pondered her question. She'd been spilling the details of the break-up for the last hour or so and she was surprised that he hadn't tried to change the topic yet. Even Thorne had a limit to how many of her emotional waterfalls he could handle in a certain timeframe, and this week she'd pushed the dam to its breaking point.

"You were really excited about Kai and you had a fun time together. That's over now, even if he wasn't the perfect guy for you. Breaking up with anyone tends to suck."

"You would know," she mused.

There was another pause from his side. "Just give it some time."

* * *

Life returned to normal for a brief period, with her standard of normal being how things were before she had created an online dating profile.

Cress sat at her computer for most of the day, chewing on her lip and agonizing over the different search engines that advertised jobs. She had been in a small haze of euphoria for the last few months, with falling in love and mostly ignoring the fact that she still didn't know what she wanted to do with her life. Her passions didn't align with her abilities, but she was beginning to wonder if it mattered anymore. Without a family to support her financially, there was no denying any longer that her savings were running thin.

She _had_ to get a job.

Sucking in her pride, she re-opened email requests for interviews she'd received from tech companies that had seen her profile on LinkedIn. Some of them were from before graduation, others from just barely a month ago.

Then she began to type, responding to each company individually, apologizing for her late response and wondering if they'd already filled the position. It was probable that they had, but this way she wouldn't burn any bridges in case an interesting job ever came up with the same companies in the future.

After about two hours of that, she made herself a much-needed sandwich. Humility required food, after all. She chewed slowly, enjoying the extra layer of mayo she'd lathered on there. Maybe she could work for a company that created food products she enjoyed. The Christmas bonuses were probably more exciting than just a check.

Then again, a check sounded pretty good right now.

While she ate, she stared at the MacBook Air which Kai had refused to take back despite her insistence. She hadn't told him, but she didn't actually like programming on Macs. She was more of a PC person. Still, there was definite potential to have some fun with the laptop from her now-ex.

She was rusty and she knew it. If any one of those tech companies actually emailed her back, she wouldn't be ready. Cracking her knuckles, she rebooted the computer and made it her goal to see how much of the operating system she could tinker with before it imploded on itself.

* * *

Cress stepped off the subway platform, a small spring in her step. The summer heat had begun to diminish and a warm breeze rippled her sundress on the crowded downtown street. She pulled her favorite cardigan out of her backpack and waited for the pedestrian light to change to green. It was the first day she had left her apartment that week, and being in the fresh air reminded of her of why she'd originally stopped enjoying working on computers in the first place. She was always inside, stuck in front of a screen, realizing ten hours too late that the entire day had already passed her by. Though she planned to continue programming today, the idea of doing it in a public space with one (or three) caramel cinnamon lattes to sip on made her feel extremely at ease.

The Mac in her backpack hadn't crashed on her yet, instead bending to her will in every which way. The thought gave her a sting of pride at her work. Programming wasn't so bad, in the end. The new jobs she'd applied to in the last few days offered high starting salaries and good benefits. She wouldn't want to make a career of it forever, but she could use whatever job she got as a financial base until she figured out what she was really passionate about.

The light changed and she crossed the street, humming the tune she'd listened to on repeat in her headphones while she worked: a strange electronica remix that she'd discovered at 2:00 a.m. that morning. When she reached the sidewalk and looked into the café, her excitement waned. Despite the fact that Iko's body was pressed against the window pane with her back to Cress, she still saw the familiar blue braids. Thorne's hands were tangled in them.

She had thought she should have been used to seeing Thorne and Iko together by now, but in reality she'd only seen them together twice—once at the party and once at this very café. Both memories triggered awkwardness and even some jealousy. This made her feel like a terrible best friend, because she was supposed to be happy that Thorne was getting along so great with one of her good friends.

Sighing, she kept walking purposefully and opened the door the café. Maybe this would be the perfect excuse to see why the two of them _did_ get along so great. Maybe then she wouldn't sit in the corner by herself at her computer and suck on her hair while she watched the two of them together.

The bell on the door clanged, alerting everyone to her entry, but Thorne and Iko stayed locked in their embrace.

Except…

Except Thorne had tanner skin from his endless time in the sun and his hair was currently shorter and not roguishly wavy and…

_And it wasn't Thorne._

Cress stifled a gasp as she stopped abruptly in shock, not noticing that someone had entered the café behind her until that someone smacked into her backpack, sending her careening into a table. She cried out at the sudden impact and, embarrassed, quickly straightened and smoothed down her dress, trying to pretend nothing had happened.

_Great._

Now everyone in the café was staring at her, including Iko and Not-Thorne.

The guilt on Iko's face spoke volumes.

Cress narrowed her eyes and marched over to them. Iko pushed the guy away from her, whose brows furrowed in confusion until he saw the smoke coming out of Cress's ears. Then he looked uneasily between the two of them.

Cress focused her attention on Iko. "How _dare_ you cheat on Thorne!"

Iko tried to scramble out of her chair but nearly tripped over the guy, who had apparently had one foot hooked around hers. "Cress, this—"

"He is _kind_. And _funny_. And _caring_. And he really likes you!" Her breath hitched, but she told herself not to cry. "I won't let you hurt him like this." She gestured at the guy, whose uneasy expression hardened.

"What the hell, Iko? You're seeing someone else?" He pushed himself up and out of his chair too and regarded Iko with disgust.

"Wait!" Iko said, sheer panic spreading over her face. "Liam, please! This is all a big understanding."

"I saw you making out with him!" Cress cried, pointing at Liam.

"I was never dating Thorne!" said Iko exasperatedly. "We made it up!"

"You _what_?!"

Both Cress and Liam waited as Iko sank back into her chair, defeated. "We went out that Saturday after you left the café but he was super moody the whole time, asking a million questions about you and if you ever _mentioned_ him and _stars_ , it was annoying. I was kind of offended that he didn't actually have any interest in going out with me so I threatened to expose the fact that he was _clearly_ still in love with you. He freaked out and begged for my help with this fake romance and in the end I just felt sorry for the sucker."

Cress's mouth dropped open, the anger dissolving into a combination of confusion and disbelief. Liam was still standing, indecision keeping him from leaving or sitting down.

Iko gave him a weak smile. "Sorry I didn't tell you about my pretend boyfriend. We only met a few weeks ago and I thought it would be a weird topic to breach. But that's all it is, Liam. Totally pretend—and only in front of Cress." She pulled at his hand, begging him to sit down again. "Thorne and Cress have been best friends since they were little and they're totally in love with each other but neither of them can admit it. Please, Liam…I'm not cheating on you. _Or anyone_." She then glared at Cress.

"But—we—that's not—" Cress spluttered, looking between the two of them. The backpack was suddenly very heavy on her shoulders and she gripped the edge of the table for support.

A hand—Liam's—snaked its way around her back. "Cress, was it? You're looking rather faint." He gently pried her hand off the table. "You should sit." She let him guide her into his former chair next to Iko. He glanced around the room and then disappeared, only to return with a third chair for himself.

Cress tried make coherent words out of her incoherent thoughts. "But…I saw you at the party. Together."

She shrugged. "A ruse. We were both going to the party anyway. I was already dating Liam here by then."

Cress's hands balled into a fist. She remembered the yacht, the way Thorne had stared out at the water, the Victoria's Secret bag whose original contents Iko had claimed for herself. "But he doesn't love me. He just wanted a rebound from Kate. We talked about it. He…he said he took it all back!"

"He _lied_ , Cress."

"No he didn't." The feeling of oncoming tears overwhelmed her and she scrunched her hands together even more firmly to keep the tears inside. Thorne had told her that he was out with Iko on several occasions since her birthday party. She'd even _asked_ him about Iko. He had always affirmed their relationship. "He _doesn't_ lie to me."

"Cress." Iko tried to take her hand but she pulled away. "Don't be mad at him. You stopped talking to him for two weeks. He was scared you'd never speak to him again if he told you the truth. This was the best way to make things go back to normal with Kai."

"No. Kai and I broke up! Why didn't he tell me he wasn't really dating you _then_?"

Iko glanced at Liam for help. "It's a bit convenient to tell a girl you really love her the second she breaks up with her boyfriend, don't you think?"

Liam shook his head. "Leave me out of this. I'm currently wishing we were all at a pub and could get pissed rather than just caffeinated."

Iko's lip curled. "As much as I love you being foreign, could you please say get _drunk_ instead? That expression is so distasteful."

The two of them began to argue about American English versus British English—or, as Liam pointed out— _Irish_ English, which she should not dare to classify in the same group since Ireland had become a republic in 1942 or _something_. Cress couldn't follow the conversation. She didn't want to. Her thoughts swam with emotion, the way they had at the wedding, but a hundred times worse.

Iko had said Thorne was _in love_ with her. Thorne had never said that to her, not even at the wedding. And Iko had also said…

"Wait!" said Cress, holding up her hands to silence them. "What did you mean by ' _they're_ totally in love with each other'? Surely you meant—"

Iko suddenly smirked and crossed her arms. "I meant exactly that."

"I am not in love with Thorne."

"Oh _please_."

Her cheeks burned. "I'm not."

"Fine, you're not. You're just best friends who look at each other like they want to make babies with their eyes." When Cress didn't reply, Iko added softly, "You didn't do anything wrong, Cress. These things just happen."

"I—I have to go," said Cress, biting back whatever other idiotic response would come out of her if she stayed. She practically jumped to her feet; so did Liam, as if he still didn't trust her not to fall over. "It was nice to meet you," she told him. "I'm sorry I made it seem like Iko was cheating on you."

Cress bolted out of the café.

* * *

Once at home, Cress pulled out the decorated shoebox from her bed again and dumped out its contents. The list of things she wanted in a guy fell to the bottom of the pile but she fished around for a different piece of paper—one that she'd hidden under the flap of a jewelry box that she'd designed herself. It was folded into the tiniest square like an origami creation so that in case anyone ever went snooping they would mistake it for something else. She unfolded it carefully and then read out loud words that she had repeated to herself over and over again in high school:

_ TWENTY REASONS WHY I SHOULDN'T WASTE ANOTHER BREATH BEING IN LOVE WITH CARSWELL THORNE _

_1\. He's not romantic_

_2\. He's way too loud_

_3\. He's obnoxious_

_4\. He always has to be the center of attention_

_5\. Sometimes he steals things from his parents_

_6\. He's spontaneous but in a bad way aka HE NEVER PLANS ANYTHING_

_7\. He gives bad massages_

_8\. Carswell is a stupid name and how could I ever date someone who I have to call by an even stupider last name?_

_9\. He's spoiled_

_10\. He thinks he's God's gift to women but he's really just a womanizer  
_

_11\. He doesn't even like romantic movies_

_12\. He would always compare you to other girls who probably have bigger boobs and he would probably want you to get a boob job which means he doesn't like the way you are  
_

Cress laughed at that one, even if it came out shaky. Once they hit high school, Thorne had always cut out pictures of girls from the _Sports Illustrated_ Swimsuit Edition and taped them on his walls. His parents (and Cress) had found that rather distasteful, but he somehow always managed to get them back up there again. One time, Cress had caught him pretending to kiss one of the models. They had both been embarrassed.

_13\. He doesn't care about school and gets bad grades_

_14\. He's full of himself_

_15\. He's not even that cute! You just think he is!_

_16\. HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU_

Her voice broke. Fresh tears spilled onto the page, replacing the ones she remembered from when she'd made the list in high school. But she kept reading anyway, the words tumbling out of her. They were mostly repetitions anyway—affirmations, really, because by the time she'd reached number sixteen back then she'd run out of concrete things to add to bring it to twenty.

_17\. HE TOLD YOU HE NEVER WILL_

_18\. HE BROKE YOUR HEART_

_19\. HE TOLD YOU TO MOVE ON_

_20\. HE! DOESN'T! LOVE! YOU!_

Sobbing now, she pushed the hair that had fallen into her face while reading out of the way and sat back against the wall. When she had composed herself, she wiped her tears away on the sleeve of her cardigan. Her room felt hot and stuffy, making her miss the nice breeze of the morning and the ignorance that had come with it before she had learned the truth.

If it was even true.

After thinking for a long time, she sifted through her belongings and pulled out the list of criteria she had made for a future boyfriend after writing the twenty bad things about Thorne.

Sniffing one more time, she got to her feet and tucked both of the lists into the pockets of her sundress.

Her keychain was still hanging on the outside of her door because she'd run into her apartment with too much haste. She slammed the door shut behind her and ripped the keys out of the lock, then took the stairs down two at a time.

* * *

Cress didn't bother ringing the doorbell. She used the key that she, in turn, also had for Thorne's apartment.

She burst into his living room, not stopping to think about whether Thorne might have a guest or not. Though slightly breathless, the words spilled out of her angrily. "You _love_ me?"


	17. Chapter 17

_"Oh please, tell me another story!"_

_The boy shone his flashlight at the little girl across from him in the blanket fort. Her eyes were bright with anticipation as she stopped petting Boots and propped her arms up on the pillows._

_"What kind of story? We've already read two books tonight."_

_"Not a book one. I want to hear another one about Captain Thorne. He's my favorite."_

_The boy grinned knowingly and drew himself up, holding the flashlight under his chin to light up his face for effect. "Of course. Captain Thorne, the greatest spaceship captain to ever navigate the skies!"_

_The girl giggled. "I thought Captain Thorne was a pirate who sailed the seas with his crew!"_

_"Not today, young miss," he said, using the announcer voice he'd heard on his mother's favorite game show. "Today Captain Thorne has a spaceship." He paused. "Space is much cooler than the water, anyway, don't you think?"_

_She nodded, eyes still bright. "The planetarium was my favorite. Mom and Dad took me there once when I was good." Her eyes dropped. "I don't think I've been good lately, because they haven't taken me anywhere."_

_The boy studied the little girl, watching the way her lashes dipped down to her cheeks when she wasn't happy. She did it often._

_"Captain Thorne doesn't allow parents on his spaceship. They're boring."_

_"True."_

_"And on his spaceship, there's no need for planetariums because you can see the whole galaxy from the cockpit." He waved the flashlight across the top of the blanket roof. "Stars_ everywhere _, can you imagine? And shooting stars too, the kind you make wishes on."_

_"Wow."_

_"I can see one even now," he continued, making the flashlight shake so the light would scramble. "You should make a wish before it's too late."_

_She sucked in a breath. "Any wish?"_

_"The galaxy's the limit! But hurry."_

_The girl scrunched up her face in concentration. Boots jumped up and began to paw at the moving light. He laughed and tried to shoo her away._

_The girl thought for a long time, until his hand started getting tired from shaking the flashlight. Finally, she said, "I want go on the spaceship with Captain Thorne. So my wish is to be a captain too."_

_"Hmm. There can only be one captain or things get confusing."_

_"Oh."_

_"But," he said dramatically, before she could get too disappointed, "every captain needs a girl at his side." He smiled the way he did when he was about to tell her something really cool, like yesterday when he'd discovered a squirrel's nest in his treehouse and she had come over to watch the animal carry nuts in and out._

_Her eyes became saucers. "Really?" she breathed. "What for?"_

_The boy frowned. "Hmm. I'm not really sure. Maybe to help him."_

_"So, a helper."_

_He frowned again. "No, that sounds like a maid. They're always vacuuming, like Janette. I don't think spaceships need to be vacuumed, because outer space is like its own vacuum. So we wouldn't need a maid. The girl would probably be more like a partner. It's a lot of work, captaining a ship, don't you think?"_

_She nodded solemnly._

_"A partner, then."_

_"That's boring."_

_Boots purred in agreement._

_"You're right. She should have a cooler name if she's going to play such a big part in Captain Thorne's life. How about..." He thought hard, pressing his mouth against the flashlight a few times. "How about a Damsel? We've read about them in some of the books."_

_"I like that," she said._

_"Then we're agreed."_

_"Do you think"—she paused and tucked a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear—"I would make a good Damsel?"_

_He turned his flashlight onto her face. She squinted and he lowered it to her chin. "Let's see. A Damsel should be pretty, that's for sure. And you're pretty."_

_She beamed. "I am?"_

_"'Course," he said matter-of-factly. "You're probably the prettiest girl on our school bus." She smiled then, a real smile with teeth, and he puffed up proudly. "You'll have to wear a dress or something, though. I think that's a requirement."_

_"I have dresses."_

_"Good. No pajamas."_

_"Okay, what else?"_

_"Are you brave?"_

_She shook her head, the lashes dipping again. "Not really."_

_"That's okay. You're pretty smart. The Captain can handle the bravery and the Damsel can handle...the math equations. I don't really like math so someone will have to figure that out. It's probably good for astronomy or navigation or whatever. In any case, he'll need smart people in his crew."_

_"I got a hundred percent on my test with Mrs. Tierney last week."_

_He nodded. "See? I don't think I've ever gotten a hundred on anything. You're definitely smart enough to be a Damsel."_

_She pulled herself up to sit on her knees and hugged her pillow to her chest. The brightness had returned to her eyes. "You really think so?"_

_"Yeah! You'll be Damsel Darnel and I'll be Captain Thorne, and together we'll fly all over the galaxy!" He waved his hands to show her just how far they could go._

_"Damsel Darnel," she whispered._

_"And I'll tell you what, since you're the Damsel now, you can even decide where we fly tonight. But not always, because I'm older."_

_"I want to go as far away as possible!"_

_"Great idea," he said. "How about to the moon?"_

_"Farther," she said. "All the way to Jupiter!"_

_Now they were getting somewhere. Jupiter was definitely cooler than the moon. "We'll have to fight the aliens to get there, though! Watch out, they're coming! Take cover, Damsel!"_

_She dove under her pillow with a squeal as the boy turned the flashlight into a gun when the aliens attacked from all over. He shot at them with laser beams, yelling in triumph as they began dying at his feet. He had a Damsel now and she had to be protected at all costs. That was surely what a great captain would do, after all._

_When it was over, he slid his face under the pillow to join the little girl who lay with her head beneath it for protection. "We're safe now," he said, taking her hand. "And we're almost to Jupiter."_

_"You're a really good Captain," she said._

_"You're a pretty good Damsel too."_

_"Carswell?"_

_The boy widened his eyes at the little girl, her face only inches from his. He put his fingers to his lips. "Shh. Parents aren't allowed. Don't forget."_

_She nodded fervently._

_"Carswell, it's time for bed."_

_"Captain Thorne and Damsel Darnel never sleep!" he called, and the girl put a hand over her mouth, shocked at his defiance._

_"Carswell, come out of the fort and give your mother a kiss goodnight."_

_He rolled his eyes at the girl. "Be right back."_

_His mother was waiting for him, already in her nightgown, a bemused expression on her face. "Are you hiding Crescent in there again, sweetie?"_

_He crossed his arms. "Her name's Damsel Darnel now."_

_"Ah. Of course. Carswell—"_

_"That's Captain to you."_

_His mother sighed and swept her gaze over the fort where the girl lay hidden inside. Boots stuck her head out, meowing when she saw the two of them, and scampered across the room._

_"It's a school night. Crescent has slept here almost every day since you met her last week. I'm sure her parents won't be pleased to know that she's staying here again tonight."_

_"They don't even know she's here." His mother frowned and he knew instantly that he had said too much. "Oh come on, they don't have to know, Mom," he whined. "Just don't tell them."_

_"She can stay here this weekend again. But your father and I won't be thrilled if we have to introduce ourselves to the new neighbors in the middle of the night because their daughter has gone missing."_

_The boy knew his mother just didn't want to have another reason to see his father in the middle of the night._

_"And school is important," she added._

_"Captains and Damsels don't need school!"_

_"Carswell—I mean, Captain, would you please walk the_ Damsel _back to her house?"_

_He sighed. "Fine. But I want cookies for breakfast tomorrow in exchange."_

_She laughed tiredly. "I'll make sure Janette gets that note. Goodnight, sweetie." Then she called out to the blanket fort: "Goodnight, Crescent!"_

_A timid voice, muffled by blankets, came from inside the fort. "Goodnight, Mrs. Thorne."_

_The girl was already crawling out by the time his mother had left the room. Her joy from earlier had faded. Instead, her expression was that of someone who had just been caught doing something very bad._

_He put his arm around her. "I'll bring you some of my cookies on the bus tomorrow."_

_She didn't smile. "I don't want to go home."_

_He thought about how she was crying when he had met her last week because she'd had nightmares. He thought she was probably just afraid of the dark, since she wasn't very good at making her own blanket forts yet. And she'd said her room didn't have any flashlights at all._

_"Maybe I'll sleep at your house tonight."_

_The girl shook her head, fear spreading in her eyes. "No! They'll come get you too. Then neither of us will be able to escape."_

_He considered. "I'm not afraid of monsters. I'm Captain Thorne!" But he felt a small tremble of her shoulders beneath his arm and he cocked his head to study her. He really_ would _have to handle the bravery on the ship. "You're my Damsel now, remember? I'll protect you."_

_The girl suddenly threw her arms around him, hugging him fiercely. He pulled back warily. "You're not going to cry again, are you? Do you need another story?"_

_She hiccupped and shook her head. "Your mother said I have to go home."_

_He waved his hand in the air. "She says a lot of things, but she's not going to do anything. She's not really paying attention 'cause my parents have been fighting a lot lately."_

_"My parents fight too," she whispered, her eyes wide again. "Do you get…scared?"_

_"Scared? No way! I can usually get things out of it when they're mad at each other, like those cookies. Dad is harder to get on my side, but Mom usually feels bad and gives me whatever I want." He laughed, remembering the shiny new nerf gun sitting in the garage and all the accessories he'd acquired for it as well. "Besides, they're doing this thing called couples therapy. Mom says it helps with the fights. Your parents do that?"_

_She shrugged her shoulders. Probably not then._

_"That's what married people do, I guess. They have to talk about their feelings and then sometimes they sit in the kitchen and list reasons why they love each other. Sooo boring, right? That's why parents aren't invited on my spaceship. Who wants to sit around and talk about love all day? Gross."_

_He took her hand and began to lead her to his window. He opened it a crack and looked back to his new friend. "Mom's probably right about your parents coming over here though, if they realize you're missing. Didn't you say you get in trouble a lot?"_

_A silent nod. The same downcast dip in her lashes._

_"I have an idea," he said, leaving her at the window and running back to his blanket fort. He fished out his flashlight and thrust it in her hands. "You should have this. Leave it on at night when you're afraid. If it runs out of batteries, I'll give you new ones."_

_She gripped the flashlight like it was stolen treasure. "But don't you need it?"_

_"I've got like_ twenty _of them."_

_"Wow."_

_He opened the window more and swung the roped ladder he'd made over the top. He let the girl climb down first, then he followed her with the flashlight since she wasn't used to going down one-handed yet. She wasn't even used to going down two-handed, in reality. He had a lot of things to teach her._

_They walked along the grass until they reached the creek that divided their yards. He held her hand the whole way, making sure that she didn't trip in the dark (because having flashlights on while outside after bedtime was the best way to get caught). She let go of his fingers as they stared at her house together, but she didn't make any effort to cross the creek and go inside._

_"Are you sure you don't want me to sleep over? You've never had any nightmares in my fort."_

_The girl said nothing._

_"Will you get in trouble if I stay over, is that it?"_

_"You'll get in trouble too."_

_"That's crazy. Your parents can't punish me. They're not even my parents."_

_"Carswell," she whispered, "does the Damsel ever get to protect the Captain?"_

_He furrowed his brow in thought. He hadn't seen much of that on TV, but it was probably fine. His gym teacher, Mrs. Santos—the only teacher he actually liked—always said that girls were heroes just like boys. "I guess so, if we want her to."_

_Her fingers found his in the dark again. "You have to go home then," she whispered._

_He didn't really want to go home. He liked his new friend and it was way more fun pretending to be Captain Thorne with her than any of the other kids at school. But he got the feeling that if he didn't go home, she would probably start crying again. And if he couldn't bring her back to his house and read to her, she probably wouldn't stop crying, and then what would he do? She was much more fun to play with when she was happy._

_He stuck his tongue out at the house, at her parents, for ruining his fun. He didn't understand why she was always in trouble. She didn't_ act _like the kids in school who always caused trouble. She had been really quiet on the bus so far, and in recess this week she always got in line right away when the teacher called her grade in. He was the one who usually got sent to the principal's office for playing too long or talking in class, but he was getting good at being able to think of a creative excuse to get out of trouble. Maybe he had to teach her some tricks._

_Or maybe her parents were just mean. There had been a boy at school once, Billy, whose parents had been mean and someone had found out about it and then Billy never came back to school after that. He didn't know why kids whose parents were mean should be allowed to skip school when he couldn't, but he did know that the girl loved school even more than he loved being Captain Thorne. If she had to quit then she would probably cry all the time._

_"Okay," he said. "But don't forget to turn on your flashlight when you get in your room. Monsters are afraid of light. At least, that's what Janette tells me," he added. "_ I'm _not afraid of the dark."_

_She gripped the flashlight with both her hands. "I bet you're not afraid of anything."_

_"Definitely not. And soon you won't be either, Damsel Darnel." He saw her small smile despite the darkness surrounding them. Encouraged, he added, "I'm going to think of a way for us to send secret messages. Like holograms or something awesome like that."_

_"Then we can talk all the time," she said brightly._

_"And go on adventures," he added._

_She jumped the creek, landing with a little whoosh in the damp grass surrounding the bank. Her hair flashed under the moonlight as she turned around to face him. "See you at the bus stop tomorrow?"_

_"'Course. I'll make sure Janette gives me those cookies. I'm hoping for chocolate."_

_"Yum."_

_"I know, right? Way better than cereal. Goodnight, Damsel."_

_"Goodnight, Captain."_

_He waited until he heard the small creak of her basement door open and then ran back up to his ladder._

_That night, he dreamed that his tales of galactic adventure came true. He owned not only his very own spaceship, but a fleet of spaceships that flew from planet to planet. He was the best captain there was, known by everyone for defending his crew from would-be attackers and aliens of all kind._

_The Damsel joined him too._

_She smiled the entire time._


	18. Chapter 18

Her words were lost in the loud explosions of the intense video game that Thorne and his friend Jules were currently playing.

"Die, sucker, die!" Thorne yelled at the screen, then nearly fell off the couch. He scrambled up and scrunched up his face, moving the controller furiously as Jules let out a yell of frustration. " _Oh oh oh_!" Thorne continued. "You are so—"

"Dead!" cried Jules, his face suddenly lighting up in triumph as shock flitted over Thorne's.

"THORNE!"

The guys both glanced up at her, surprised to notice her standing in their midst. Jules gave her a nod, but she ignored him, fixing her glare on Thorne.

"Oh, hey Cress," said Thorne casually. He paused the game, which was met with cries of protest from Jules, but Thorne quickly passed him a beer and he shut up. When Thorne glanced at Cress again, his expression changed to concern. "You okay?"

Cress took a deep breath. Her hands had balled into fists at her sides and she was glad for that, lest Thorne notice how much they were shaking.

He hadn't heard her at all. There was still time to take it all back and pretend like everything was normal between them. She could lie and say she'd had a bad day.

But Thorne had already lied enough for the both of them and she wouldn't choose that path now, no matter how much the conversation ahead of her terrified her.

She hadn't run over there nonsensically. She had a reason for being there and it was more important than Thorne and his friend and their video game.

She would be in charge of her own destiny for once.

Squeezing her hands together at her sides once more, she fixed her eyes on his to gauge his reaction. " _I said_ , 'you love me?'" Though she had meant for it to come out with the same punch of accusation as it had when she'd forced her way into his apartment just minutes before, the words felt feeble on her lips as she repeated them, full of doubt and uncertainty.

Though she immediately regretted taking charge of her destiny, her eyes stayed transfixed on the way Thorne's eyes went from concern to surprise to doubt of his own and finally, some sort of realization.

"Well," said Jules, standing up, beer still in hand. "That got awkward fast. Too fast. Seriously, Cress. You don't even give a man a warning before—"

Thorne's deadly glare silenced him.

"I'm just going to—yeah." Gathering his things, Jules trudged out of the apartment without another word, leaving Cress still standing in the living room and Thorne sitting on the couch with his controller.

His face was fraught with discomfort, though he was trying to mask it with nonchalance. But she knew him better.

She knew how much he wouldn't want to talk about what she had just brought up, whether he really did love her or not. And that was because Carswell Thorne always wanted to be in charge of his emotions, always wanted to decide exactly when and how he would bring something up that might rock his precious boundaries. If he didn't want to talk about something, he would hide behind a smirk and a smarmy line to try to get out of it.

Cress had seen this face on him many times.

Always in the company of other girls.

Now _she_ was that girl.

She didn't care and yet she cared so much that she thought her heart might explode out of her throat but it was because she was so mad at him about everything and he had lied to her and was messing everything up for them and _ugh_.

She would not leave this apartment until she had the truth. He had started all this at the wedding and now she would finish it.

" _I said_ —" she started again, taking a step towards him even though it cost everything in her being to stay in control of her emotions.

"I heard what you said," said Thorne, depositing the controller on the couch. There was a brief change in his expression where his eyes darkened and it reminded her of how he'd looked at her at the wedding while they were on the balcony. It was the only other time she'd seen that look directed at her and for a moment she thought he might leap off the couch, flip the coffee table out of the way to get to her, and drag her down onto the floor with him in a desperate embrace.

He did nothing.

"Do you?" she whispered.

Thorne rubbed the back of his neck slowly. "Is this because I kissed your arm? I thought about that afterward, how you might have misconstrued that as me lingering, but really, I was just thinking about your bruises. There were a lot of them. Actually, it was more like one big bruise. That was a lot of area to cover. How is your arm now, anyway?"

"Do you love me?" she repeated, this time priding herself on how it came out with a scowl.

"Cress, listen, this is all—"

"Answer the question, Carswell."

He clamped his jaw shut at her command, his eyes darting everywhere except to her. She knew then, in that moment, that it wasn't true.

Iko had misunderstood everything or maybe Thorne had lied to _her_ rather than Cress. Maybe he hadn't wanted to date Iko for real but had found himself cornered by her presence after asking her out. He was the type to do something like that.

"Yes."

She blinked. "What?"

Thorne stood up and walked to her until he was so close that she could see the different flecks of blue in his eyes. Folding his arms across his chest, he said, "Yes, I love you."

It took her a moment to recover. She tried to read him, seeing worry and guilt but also an earnestness in his eyes that took her completely off-guard. And where his closeness never bothered her, she found herself taking a slight step back now to avoid getting flustered.

Her best friend since childhood, Carswell Thorne, had just admitted that he loved her.

"More than a friend?"

His chuckle was a low rumble. "More than a friend, Cress."

"You…you don't mean it."

His smile fell away, a frown replacing it as his brows drew together in an effort to study her. Too intently.

She took another step back.

For an instant, he made to reach out to her, but instead let his hands drop to his sides, finding the pockets of his jeans instead. He clicked one foot against the other, studying them now instead of her. "That's the second time you've told me that, but I assure you, I mean it."

The mention of the second time reminded her of the first time, when she had been dating Kai and he had just broken up with Kate. It was enough to make the anger rile back up her spine, reminding her of why she had come in the first place. "You're a liar! You lied to Iko and you're lying to me now."

"Iko told you?"

"She was kissing another guy in _public_. I stood up for you and you don't even deserve it because you're a liar!"

He reached for her shoulders again but she brushed him off, hugging herself where he would have touched her.

"Cress."

He said her name softly and she didn't like the way it turned her around. She wanted him to yell back at her and get angry and then they would fight and make up and be the same people she believed them to be yesterday.

"I didn't lie to Iko. I lied to _you_."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better?"

"No," he said, finally showing a hint of frustration, "but if you know I lied to Iko then I don't know why you think I'm lying right now when I'm telling you that I'm in love with you!"

"Because!" Cress reached into the pocket of her sundress and hastily pulled out the now-crumpled pieces of paper that contained her lists. Finding the right one, she smoothed out the paper and held it up in front of his face as proof. "You told me you would _never_ love me!"

Dumbfounded, he gaped at the paper as if it were the math section of the SAT. Then he narrowed his eyes and read, " _Twenty Reasons Why I Shouldn't Waste Another Breath Being In Love With Carswell Thorne_?"

Crap.

She had meant to bring it along for support, not for him to actually read. Her cheeks flushing, she tried to fold the paper back up but he ripped it out of her hands.

"No, Thorne, that was written in high school—"

"One, he's not romantic," said Thorne, walking away from her and back to the couch. Cress hurried after him and attempted to reclaim the paper but he blocked her with his hand easily and continued reading, holding the paper out of her reach. "Two, he's way too loud. Three, he's obnoxious."

"Give it back!"

"No," he said firmly. "This is an important document that was clearly preserved through time and now that you've brought it out for evidence I'm going to sit here and read it."

"But—"

"Four, he always has to be the center of attention." He looked over at Cress, who had given up trying to take the paper and taken to sulking on the couch next to him. "I do not always have to be the center of attention. The attention just naturally drifts to me because I ooze charm."

Cress pointed at the paper. "Three, he's obnoxious."

Thorne grimaced and returned to the paper. "Five, sometimes he steals things from his parents. Okay, that was a long time ago. And it wasn't like I stole big things, like ruby necklaces or something heist-worthy like that. I took cash, mostly, in the form of single bills so they wouldn't notice."

"Mhm."

"Six, he's spontaneous in a bad way aka he never plans anything." He frowned. "Does the fact that the last part is in uppercase letters mean that the fact that I don't plan things is what bothers you, or is it just meant to be an example?"

Cress didn't say anything.

"Seven, _he gives bad massages_? That's absurd! How many massages have you actually gotten from me? I am an excellent massager. One of the best. I could teach other people how to massage." Grumbling, he read the next item on her list. "Eight, Carswell is a stupid name and how could I ever date someone who I have to call by an even stupider last name? Ouch. That was below the belt, Cress."

"Sorry," she said quietly, picking at a thread that was coming loose from the couch. She knew her cheeks were aflame and she didn't care to let him win by acknowledging that any more than she had to.

"Nine, he's spoiled. Ten, he thinks he's God's gift to women but really he's just a womanizer." He stopped reading until she looked up at him. The grimace was back on his face. "Wow. I wouldn't want you to waste another breath on someone like that either. And look at that, eleven, he doesn't even like romantic movies. What a loser."

Knowing what was coming next, she tried to reach for the paper again. "Thorne, maybe you should—"

She cringed as he read the words anyway. "Twelve, he would always compare you to other girls who probably have bigger boobs and he would probably want you to get a boob job which means…" he trailed off and stared at his lap.

"…which means he doesn't like the way you are," Cress whispered. Her adrenaline from rushing over had reached its peak and her stomach had now begun twisting itself into knots. The reality of the situation was beginning to hit her hard. Thorne was finally learning all the things she didn't like about him. Or at least, what she _hadn't_ liked about him. Some of them weren't even true anymore. It was enough to make her want to run out the door again.

"I like the way you are," said Thorne quietly.

"I know," she said quickly, "I was fifteen when I wrote that. I'm less insecure now, I—"

"Your boobs are fine."

Cress thought she would die.

"I—can we—can _you_ —" She gestured at the paper frantically.

Thorne cleared his throat, his cheeks tinged with a bit of red as well. "Thirteen, he doesn't care about school and gets bad grades. You got that right. At least I graduated. A year late, I know. But better late than never, right? Anyway, fourteen, he's full of himself. Fifteen, he's not even that cute, you just think he is."

He stared at her. She hid her face in her hands.

"I'm cute," he said indignantly. "Everyone thinks I'm cute. How can you not think that?"

Cress stayed buried beneath her hands.

"Oh man, here come a lot of uppercase letters. Sixteen, he doesn't love you. Seventeen, he told you he never will." Thorne's voice dropped, and Cress peeked out from her hands to see him now staring at the paper, looking devastated. "Eighteen, he broke your heart. That…that was on your list of things you wanted in your dream man, wasn't it? That I…I mean, that _he_ …wouldn't break your heart."

Cress nodded.

"Good thing we got that all cleared up. Don't even need to keep reading but hey, might as well get it all out while we have it in front of us. So…nineteen, he told you to move on. Twenty." Thorne paused again and took a deep breath. "He doesn't love you. Lots of exclamation points."

He held the paper in his hands and said nothing more. Cress pulled her knees to her chest as his new silence overwhelmed her.

When she could have sliced the awkwardness with a knife, Thorne turned the paper sideways and began to rip it. She cried out, though she wasn't quite sure why. The paper wasn't valuable and it wasn't as if she hadn't memorized what it said.

Thorne stopped after he tore it in half. Cress watched him take the bottom piece and rip into little shreds in front of her. "There," he said, handing her the top piece. "Now you only have fifteen reasons why you shouldn't waste another breath being in love with me."

Cress tried to work her jaw.

"They're a pretty solid fifteen reasons," he continued. He picked up the shreds of paper on his lap and let them flutter to the ground. "Even I don't like that guy."

"Thorne—"

"But at least now the list doesn't have lies on it. I mean, I'd argue that you should cross out the one about me not liking you for you, because I think I clarified that. And your chest…" His gaze dropped to her shirt.

"Thorne!"

"Sorry," he said quickly, looking up again. "The point is, the last part of the list isn't true anymore. Cress, I was a stupid seventeen year old kid when I said that. I've grown up since then." He shrugged. "At least, a little. I know it all came out wrong at Mary's wedding and now you also think I'm a _womanizer_ —"

"I don't really think that."

"—but I need you to know that you were _never_ a rebound. Neither was Iko. I never even dated her. I made the whole thing up because I was terrified you'd stop talking to me again. I decided it was worth lying about because I'd rather have you in my life and watch you be happy with someone else than never talk to you again because you can't handle the fact that I'm in love with you."

The same, deep aching in her stomach came back full force like the night of the wedding. Except it was stronger this time around, because at the wedding he hadn't told her that he loved her.

"But you came here demanding the truth so I'm not going to lie. I wish I had some cool speech to say that could make up for how much I hurt you back then. But I don't. I was just a stupid, selfish seventeen-year-old boy." His voice wavered. "I'm in love with you now. I'm sorry it took me so long to get there. I…I hope you'll still be my friend."

He was clearly afraid but trying to hide it with a tight-lipped smile. She wanted to take him in her arms and tell him that everything would be okay but she couldn't because she was afraid too.

And very much in shock.

"You're really in love with me?"

He nodded.

"And you're not…going to try to kiss me again like at the wedding? Try to convince me that I'm in love with you?"

"That would be classic me, right?" He laughed bitterly. "No. I already made that mistake once. I've had a lot of time to think since then. About everything. I know I don't deserve your love."

Surprisingly, this made Cress smile just a little bit. She reached out and squeezed his hand. "Captain Thorne would never let a little list of fifteen things make him feel unworthy of his Damsel, would he?"

She had meant for the comment to be a lighthearted interruption while she grappled with her emotions. The last thing she ever expected to happen was for Thorne to start crying.

Cress had only seen Thorne cry once before and it had been because he had crashed his bike and broken two of his fingers. Cress had gone with him and his father in their car to the Emergency Room and she had tried to comfort him while he tried to hide his tears. Teenage boys didn't like crying in front of their fathers nor their friends.

Now, he sank back into the couch and covered his face with his hands, his body shaking.

She was always the one crying, not him. Alarmed and somewhat unsure of what to do, Cress rubbed one hand on his knee, trying to reassure him. "I was just kidding, Thorne. I'm sorry—"

"I knew," he sobbed, letting his hands fall away from his face. A line of tears had run down his cheeks but he stopped Cress when she reached to wipe them away. "I knew what was going on and I didn't do anything about it."

"Thorne, it's like you said. You were only seventeen. I was fifteen. I shouldn't have expected—"

"No," he said angrily, sniffing. "That's not what I'm talking about." He pulled up his shirt and used it to dry his face, but when he let his shirt fall again, another tear spilled out. "When we met, I didn't get it. It took me awhile to figure out that you weren't just afraid of the nightmares but rather the people who were giving you nightmares."

Cress's hand froze on his knee.

"You always hated going home. It should have been obvious."

"We were just kids."

"At what point is that excuse no longer valid? I met your family, Cress."

"They were always nice to you."

"But I knew. I knew what was going on. And I still didn't say anything."

"I told you not to."

"I know," he choked out. "I shouldn't have listened to you. I made excuses in my mind, like...Cress wouldn't want to be in a foster home and start over at a new school…or, Cress spends most of her free time with me anyway...or, it's not like she's ever ended up in the hospital like the kids in the movies."

The tears began streaming down his face again and Cress couldn't stand it any longer, she slid her hands under his armpits and forced him to sit up as she wrapped her arms around him. He let her hug him, his arms coming over her shoulders, burying her into his chest. He stroked her hair as if she were the one crying, not him.

"But really I was just selfish. I knew that if I said anything I would lose you and I liked having you around. When we made that plan to emancipate you and then graduate high school early, I thought it was the best solution for both of us. Later when your real dad showed up…I…I realized that maybe if I had said something he would have shown up sooner. But I _didn't_. You should hate me, Cress."

Cress pulled back and forced him to look at her. She held his chin with one hand and used the other to dry his face, ignoring the way his cheeks began to turn red. "It wasn't your job to keep me safe."

"Yes it was. Captain and Damsel."

"It _wasn't_ your job."

She forced his chin to nod, eyeing him in the sternest, most serious way possible, which, after a minute, made him sniff and roll his eyes. She pulled him in for another bear hug.

When he had composed himself, he let go of her and returned to his previous relaxed position on the couch, though he was anything but relaxed when he spoke. "I saw how the fact that I liked you hurt you at the wedding. You had that deer-in-headlights look on your face that you used to get when you had to go home. I remember thinking as you walked away that if _I_ could cause you to feel like that then I'd never tell you how I really felt about you again."

"Wait." Cress tucked a strand of hair that had come loose behind her ear. She sat back on her knees in the couch so she could face him instead of craning her neck. The dread in her stomach grew until it was almost unbearable, but she knew that she couldn't let him think these things, not when he had for so long been the only person who _didn't_ make her feel like a deer in headlights. "You don't understand."

"Please, Cress," said Thorne, putting his hand on her knee in turn. "You don't have to explain. You already told me how you felt. I'd rather not hear it again, if that's okay."

Cress picked up the remaining part of the paper, which had long since been forgotten on the couch. "I made this list to try to get over you."

"Clearly it worked."

"What you don't know is that I made that other list, the one about everything I wanted in a guy, at the same time that I made this list. I purposely put things on there that I never thought you could achieve."

Indignation flashed in his eyes. "I can achieve those things! Some of them at least. I'm…" His eyes lowered to his lap again. "I'm trying to learn how to play guitar."

"You _are_?"

"Not for you, obviously," he said quickly. "Just for, you know, bragging rights."

The thought of him playing a musical instrument turned everything around for her again. She imagined him in his sweatpants and hoodie, belting out serenades off-key as he practiced chords and got everything mixed up. The thought, though funny, was also strangely sexy.

"Um," she said, trying to recollect herself. "The point is…it was like, the Anti-Thorne list. And I made it that way purposely because…" _Say it, Cress_ , she told herself. _Say it or you never will_. "Because you've always been my standard," she finished.

His eyes snapped up to meet hers, and she saw it then—the hope and the fear all jumbled together the same way her insides were jumbled together and her heart was racing and her throat was drying up.

"Everyone else always falls short," she continued. "And I'm worried that anyone who meets the criteria on the list is always going to fall short too. They're not _you_. I just…couldn't admit that to myself. And I'm mad at _you_ for making me admit it now."

Thorne looked like he might cry again, but he didn't. He stared at her in disbelief as she sat there with her hands shaking again, trying to put into words what she had pushed out of the realm of possibility since she was fifteen.

"I used to want nothing more than for you to realize that you wanted me too. When you never did, I worked so hard to bury all my feelings away—like you told me to. At the wedding…when you said those things…I was so angry at you. After everything you'd put me through, you dared tell me that you liked me? And worse, when I had finally found a boyfriend?" She laughed humorlessly. "It's always so convenient for you and never for anyone else, isn't it?"

"I'm sorry, Cress. I wasn't thinking about the consequences at the wedding. As your list says, I don't plan things."

"I think it also covers the _obnoxious_ category."

Thorne laughed, apparently encouraged by what she'd said, which was exactly what terrified her the most. He already knew so much about her and now he knew the last little piece that she had for herself, no longer stored away safe from the only person who could really destroy it.

Thorne inched closer to her, skating a finger up the curves of her dress until his hand landed on her waist. Holding onto it gently, he lowered his head to be level with hers. "Are you saying that, even if they're buried, you might still have feelings for me?"

"And if I am, what then?"

A second hand settled against the other side of her waist. The intensity of his blue eyes, still lightly rimmed with red, threatened to pierce through her and she thought she might let out an involuntary shudder.

"Then…if you wanted, we could be together."

She closed her eyes and tried to compose herself, to not be swayed by the way he was looking at her. The way she had always hoped he would. "I-I don't know. I'm _scared_ , Thorne. Ever since you said those things at the wedding, I've tried to ignore the fact that the part of my heart that has always loved you is trying to get out again. I've noticed it in little things, like how I get crazy jealous every time Iko calls you Captain and then try to tell myself that it's just because that's _my_ nickname for you."

Thorne wrinkled his nose. "I didn't exactly enjoy that either."

"I'm afraid that if I open up that part of me again, I'll never recover. I barely recovered the last time. If I let you in again, in that way, and you leave me…I don't think I could be your friend anymore."

His grip tightened around her waist. She opened her eyes again and startled at how close he was.

Dangerously close.

Her stomach did a somersault.

He let his hands drop and leaned back against the couch again, thinking. "I don't think I could either. That's why I didn't say anything, Cress." He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. "I'm kind of scared too. But for all the reasons I've said and you've listed…I'm more worried that we'll give it a shot and then _you'll_ tire of me."

"I haven't tired of you yet," she said dryly.

"You did say there's a part of you that's _always_ loved me, didn't you?" The faintest smirk appeared on his lips.

"That's not what I meant!" she protested.

He took her hand in his and kissed her knuckles. "I think the reason it didn't work out with the other girls I've dated is because we didn't have any kind of real friendship base. I always thought that sort of thing wasn't necessary, like, I have my dates and then I have my best friend. The two are separate. But when we went out with Kate and Kai I realized—"

"—I did not flirt with you!"

"I know, I know," he said, kissing her hand again. "I'm a jerk. But listen. Sunday is still my favorite day of the week. And it's because I get to spend time with my best friend. And I think that means we might have a much better shot than other couples. We don't have to spend time getting to know each other. We already know everything about each other."

"True…"

"For example, I know how your forehead crinkles up in thought like it's doing right now because you're trying to decide what you should do. And I'm really hoping that soon your eyes are going to light up in that specific way because you're smiling enough to reach your freckles."

"I've seen you cry twice," she said, perhaps a little too soon to be sensitive but still relishing in the fact that she alone had seen him in that state.

And the fact that the second time had been because he was worried sick about her made that fact so much more precious. So much in fact that she wanted to wrap her arms around him again and protect him and kiss him so he never cried again.

The truth of it hit her hard.

 _She wanted to kiss him_.

"And I trust that you'll never share that information with anyone," he said, drawing himself up to appear intimidating.

"Mhm." She was still thinking about kissing him.

"Maybe it's a risk worth taking. If we take care of each other like we always have, can we really go wrong? If you think that maybe there's a chance that you could let go of that seventeen year old boy and look at the man sitting in front of you—"

Cress start to giggle almost uncontrollably.

He scowled. "I'm trying to be romantic. Your list says I'm not romantic!"

She tried to put on a serious face. "Go on."

"Maybe I don't feel like it anymore."

"Well, then answer me this."

"Yes?"

"Have you hooked up with anyone since Kate?"

He seemed surprised by the question. "No."

"Did Kate even dump you?"

A pause. "No."

"No?"

"I broke up with her because I started developing feelings for you. She was moving to San Francisco anyway so it was easy to lie about it."

Cress frowned, though the idea of Thorne dumping _any_ girl in order to pursue her made her head spin. "Are you going to keep lying to me?"

"No."

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously and he widened his eyes innocently in turn.

"I only lied when it involved my feelings for you." One hand found her waist again. "If we were together I would never have to lie because I could tell you _exactly_ how I felt about you at all times."

She put her hands on her hips, which was a hard feat with his hand there. It was even harder to keep her resolve when his pinky finger hooked around hers.

"How about," he said, coming near again, "we strike a bargain? Lying was bad and you probably shouldn't forgive me right away so…I'll cook every Sunday for a year to make it up to you."

"Only on Sundays?" she huffed, even though she knew that Thorne would never be able to keep that sort of deal for a month, let alone a year.

His eyes twinkled with mischief. The other hand coming to her waist too, he twisted and in one movement pulled her onto his lap. Cress's heartbeat sped up with the feeling of closeness between them. It was foreign yet felt strangely familiar, as if this were something they did all the time.

He noticed the way she was getting flustered and full-on smirked. "I'd offer you meals on Saturdays too, but that means we'd be hanging out the whole weekend probably ignoring the rest of society because we'd be way too enraptured in each other's presence."

"Enraptured, huh?"

"I'd treat my girl well."

Cress could feel her heart opening a little bit more with every word, as though it was the secret combination to the lock she'd put on it since she was fifteen. It was a different feeling than with Kai, who had made her feel good and happy and fluttery. Thorne did all those things to her too, but with him, she felt like she was home.

It would take some time to break down her walls and fully let him in, but she was having trouble remembering reasons why she shouldn't at least try.

This was her best friend.

He loved her.

And she…she had always loved him.

"Every captain needs a girl at his side, don't you think?"

Thorne cocked an eyebrow and nodded appreciatively. "Definitely."

Cress shifted off his lap and back onto her knees, bringing one of them over his legs. She slid closer to him until her knees were pressed against the couch. "Hi," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"H-hey." His voice was thick with emotion, which would have made her smirk if she wasn't also overcome with emotion from the sensation of being pressed up against him. He recovered quickly, easing his arms around her and drawing circles into her lower back with the pads of his fingertips.

His eyes darkened again, as they had when they'd first started talking, but now there was no coffee table separating them and she certainly wouldn't mind an embrace of any kind, let alone a desperate one.

She wanted to memorize the way he was looking at her—like he wanted her—because it was still such a strange but wonderful thing to know that Carswell Thorne wanted to kiss her.

"Can you say it again?" she asked, an inch away from his lips.

He swallowed. "Which part?"

"Um," she said, almost shy now, "the part where you tell me that you're in love with me."

He grinned her favorite crooked gin, which showed off his dimple and the light in his eyes. "I'm in love with you, Damsel."

Nearly bursting with giddiness and want and anticipation, Cress made the inch between her and her Captain disappear.


	19. Epilogue

On a not-so-rainy Sunday in April, Crescent Darnel waited expectantly for her boyfriend to arrive at her apartment.

She'd checked her hair probably twenty times already—just in the last thirty minutes—and changed its style at least half of those times. Now that it was long enough to fall gently against her shoulders, there were so many options available to her. The fishtail braid had seemed too stylish and the bun too formal, whereas the French braid made her forehead look too large. After experimenting with several different versions of a side part and even a plain ponytail, she'd finally settled on letting it hang loose and natural.

Thorne liked her hair that way the best, he'd admitted, though he also claimed to like it no matter what style it was in. She didn't think that included the time she'd let it grow past her butt when she was thirteen, but she'd let the comment slide because it was sweet.

Her Captain was a lot sweeter than she'd ever realized nor given him credit for, now that there were no secrets between them and he showered his charm on her. At least, he _tried_ to shower his charm on her. Where she had always witnessed him smooth among other women, to Cress he often came off as the complete opposite. Since she'd heard him deliver all the same flirtatious lines one too many times, she was often reduced to a fit of giggles when he tried to lay it on too thick.

He was adorable and sweet and charming in his own Thorne-like way and she preferred him exactly how he was when he wasn't trying too hard to impress her. They'd never had to impress each other before, and though the high of dating had made both of them a little crazy in the beginning, more than a few months of being together had helped them settle down into a routine again. She suspected though, on days like today, that he would be trying extra hard to be impressive. But she couldn't blame him; she was nervous too.

If only her hair would stop frizzing.

The familiar jangle of keys in the lock forced her away from the daunting mirror and into the hallway, almost at a sprinted pace. She reached the door just as Thorne pushed it open with his hip, a bouquet of roses in one hand and a bakery box in the other.

"Hey Damsel."

Her nerves disappeared at his easy smile. She pressed herself onto her toes to kiss him hello and found him eager to return the greeting. Her heart still melted every time they connected this way, even though she knew that she could kiss him whenever she wanted now. It was hard to imagine ever _not_ wanting to kiss him.

He grinned against her lips after a moment. "Can we continue this inside your apartment? I'm afraid I'm going to drop something."

Cress laughed and pulled away, relieving him of the bakery box so he could take his keys and shut the door. Once he had, he extended the bouquet to her with a dramatic flourish of his hand. "For you, my dear."

"They're beautiful," she said, setting the box on the entryway table and accepting the bouquet. "What's the occasion?"

He shrugged. "Thought you deserved them. I'm really proud of you for taking this step. I know it's not easy for you."

"And the dessert?"

Another shrug. "In case everything goes to shit and we need to come back and stuff ourselves with sugar to feel better?"

Cress rolled her eyes, but as she walked in the direction of the kitchen to put away her roses, she couldn't help but think how thoughtful he'd been on both counts. She desperately hoped that the desserts wouldn't be necessary, though.

Thorne appeared behind her as she set a vase on the counter. While she undid the wrapping of the bouquet, he placed one arm around her waist and used the other to move all of her hair to one side. Then he began working his way up her shoulder and neck in kisses, stopping under a sensitive spot below her earlobe.

"I like your dress," he said huskily, making her shiver from his warm breath against her skin.

"I know you're just trying to distract me," she said, trying to set her focus on clipping the stems with a slant so they'd absorb more water.

"And I hope it's working," he murmured. He returned his lips to that spot again, letting them linger in an agonizingly slow kiss that set her nerves alight.

Cress wished she could just drop the bouquet, turn around, and makeout with her boyfriend until she forgot about the day ahead of her.

But there was no time for that at the moment. They only had about five minutes before they needed to leave or they would be late.

She reluctantly shrugged him off.

He sighed and rested his head against her shoulder instead. "I do like your dress, though. Is it new?"

"Got it just for today," she replied. "You don't look so bad yourself, Captain."

"You think so? I wasn't sure if the button-up shirt was a little overboard."

"Nope. If anything, we match."

He stayed with her while she finished with the roses, and only when she turned to face him did she see the way his eyes were trying to hide his concern.

"I'm fine," she said, slinking out of his grasp and picking up her purse from the counter. "It was my idea."

"I know, I know," he said. "This is going to be great. For both of us."

"I bet he's going to love you."

"Parents don't really love me," he said, clearly trying to keep the slump out of his shoulders.

She poked his stomach. " _Your_ parents don't count. And by the time I'm done with them, they're going to see just how lovable you are too."

* * *

Despite the countless times they'd discussed and prepared for the upcoming _meeting,_ nerves got the best of both of them in the car—keeping the conversation to a minimum while Thorne drove and Cress tried not to play with her hair. Maybe she really should have put it up instead, so she wouldn't be tempted to wring a finger around it later if she got frazzled.

She perked up when a familiar song came on the radio. "This is the song, Thorne!"

"Hmm?"

"The one where your hand is obligated to be on my leg when we're driving, of course," she said.

" _Oh_ ," he said, his lips curling deviously to the side. "How could I have forgotten?" His hand fell to her knee, then slid up a few inches to rest more closely to her thigh. His thumb made small, soothing circles against her skin.

Even when the song ended, his hand stayed put. Thorne's steady presence soothed her for the rest of the ride, reminding her that together, the two of them could face anything.

* * *

"There he is," she said, taking a timid step back so Thorne was shielding half her body. Her heart hammered in her chest, but not in the same way it did when Thorne's sexiness was making her flustered. It was drumming against her ribcage because there, sitting in the restaurant waiting for her, was her birth father.

Dr. Erland, as she still called him because _Dad_ was too familiar and strange, was short like her and had the same blue eyes she saw in the mirror every day. The newsboy cap he wore covered most of the gray hair he had. A bouquet of flowers—her second one that day, she suspected—was on the table next to him.

Thorne's hand found hers instantly. "Are you ready? We can always run back to the car and pretend like we were never here."

"No," she said, but she gripped his hand tightly. "We've talked about this a lot. I think it's time I get to know him."

"I love you," he said. "Just give me the signal and I'll come up a believable excuse to get us out of here…like contracting the plague and needing to go to the hospital immediately."

She giggled. "The plague?"

"Maybe food poisoning would work better," he agreed. Then, more seriously, he added, "Shall we?"

"Okay."

Still holding Thorne's hand, they walked to the table where Dr. Erland was sitting. He stood and smoothed down his shirt when he noticed them approaching.

"Crescent," he said, a smile making his wrinkles deepen, "it's so wonderful to see you."

"Just Cress, please," she reminded him. She stood there a bit awkwardly, smiling as well but trying to figure out if she should shake his hand or just sit or what.

"These are for you," said Dr. Erland, gesturing to the bouquet with a shaky hand. "I didn't know what you liked. Are daffodils okay?"

"They're perfect," she said, not even needing to lie about the beautiful display of flowers he had picked out for her.

"Great," he said, and she saw him visibly relax.

It was hard to imagine that he could be even more nervous than her, though now that he was standing in front of her, it made sense. She already had a life that went on without him. He had been hoping since the first day he'd met her to be included in that life. Maybe he actually had more to lose than she did.

She was still relieved when Thorne stepped up, extending his hand instead. "Dr. Erland, it's nice to see you again."

Though it was her seventh time seeing her biological father, it was only Thorne's fourth. He'd insisted on coming along the first time they'd met "just in case" Dr. Erland turned out to be a predator or a stalker or some other creepy thing that Thorne had rattled off. Then she'd insisted he come with her the next two times to act as a much-needed buffer for conversation.

Thorne had liked Dr. Erland after the first meeting, though Cress suspected it had less to do with Dr. Erland's actual personality and more with Thorne wanting Cress to reconnect with her father.

The last three times, Cress had decided to go on her own, meeting him casually at cafés downtown for a brief chat. But when he'd told her he loved her the last time, it had been too much for her.

She had barely communicated with him since then, despite his attempts to contact her. Now, though Thorne had been initially excited when Cress had brought up the idea of trying to reconnect again—at her own pace—she knew that he was petrified that Dr. Erland wouldn't approve of him as Cress's boyfriend.

"Nice to see you again, Thorne," he said, shaking his hand, then looking down at his other one and the way his fingers laced around Cress's. "Are you two…?" He hesitated as if unsure how to finish the question. "I wanted to ask about your situation two years ago when we first met, but felt it wasn't my place."

"Really?" asked Cress, sliding into the chair across from him. "You noticed?"

"I'm starting to think everyone did," said Thorne. He took the seat next to her and Dr. Erland sat back down in his chair.

It was true; since they had started dating, practically everyone they'd ever known had told them that at some point or another they'd suspected romance between the two of them. Some thought they had been secretly dating since high school, others had wondered when Cress and Thorne would finally admit that they _should_ be dating.

"How long have you been together?" asked Dr. Erland.

"Only since the beginning of September," said Cress, a happy blush warming her face. "It took us more than a few years to get on the same page."

"To find love with your best friend must be a wonderful thing," Dr. Erland affirmed, smiling in a way that made her believe he actually _did_ think it was wonderful.

"You're telling me," said Thorne, putting an arm around Cress's shoulders. "Best eight months of my life."

"What's next for the two of you? Any big plans?"

The waiter came to take their orders before either of them had a chance to answer. Cress deliberated for a while, finally deciding on a sandwich special that didn't look too heavy, but Thorne and Dr. Erland both ordered huge helpings of pasta entrees.

"I'm going to start flight school in August," said Thorne once the waiter had collected their menus. He looked down when he said it, almost shyly, as if waiting for Dr. Erland to tell him this was a decent career choice.

It wasn't like him to seek approval from parents, so Cress reached back under the table and gave his leg a reassuring squeeze. She couldn't be prouder of him.

Dr. Erland removed the lemon wedge from his water and took a quick sip, his brow furrowing. "Have you always wanted to be a pilot?"

"Not really," said Thorne. "But I'm only a temp at an international export-import company right now and I think I want to go in a different direction. Being a pilot sounds fun, especially with all the travel perks." He pulled Cress against his side. "We both want to see the world."

Cress perked up at the thought. "We're going on a road trip this summer! I have a vacation coming up before Thorne starts flight school, so we're going to drive across the country."

Though they'd already decided back in January to do it, the thought of going on a road trip with Thorne made her want to squeal with delight. Since he'd traveled often with his family as a child, he'd taken it upon himself to plan almost everything.

Every few weeks he revealed a new location they were going to using some token or souvenir from wherever they were headed. Just last week she'd received a mask and some Mardi Gras beads in anticipation of their stop in New Orleans. Then they'd spent the whole night researching all the tourist attractions and, of course, where they should eat.

Cress gushed about their trip to Dr. Erland and was pleased to find that he had some suggestions for what sites to see for some of their stops. Apparently, he had traveled a lot when he was younger for work. Unlike Thorne's parents, who had recommended only five-star establishments and guided, personal tours, Dr. Erland was eager to share about some lesser-known gems that were must-sees.

When their food arrived, Dr. Erland asked about her job. She just shrugged as she picked up her sandwich. "I'm actually working for Google right now."

"You graduated with a degree in Computer Science, right?"

"Yes, but I'm not that passionate about it anymore. I still don't know what I want to do long-term."

Thorne nudged her. "You'll figure it out sooner or later."

"I know."

"I didn't narrow down exactly what I wanted to do until I was at least forty," said Dr. Erland. "There are so many things to learn in life, after all, so how can one ever narrow it down to just one field? Give yourself time to make mistakes and grow from them."

Thorne nodded with a mouth full of pasta. After he'd swallowed, he said, "And until then, enjoy being a rich computer genius."

She laughed, the blush returning. "I'm not that rich."

 _Not yet,_ she added to herself slyly. The signing bonus alone had been enough to pay off the interest she'd accrued on her loans.

And the paycheck…well, not even Thorne knew what she was making, but the fancy restaurants she sometimes invited him to when she wanted to be romantic certainly made him red with envy now and then.

Not that he was complaining.

* * *

Cress curled up next to Thorne on the couch, finding her favorite spot against his chest. He extended the recliner and wrapped his arm around her. They both leaned back and kicked up their feet in total exhaustion.

"That went pretty well," said Cress.

"I agree. He's falling for me already."

Cress moved to tickle him but he trapped her hand before she could even start. "Seriously, Thorne."

He kissed her forehead. "He definitely cares about you a lot. It shows."

"I think I might want to see him again."

Another kiss. "You know what that means?"

"What?"

"We can use that dessert I brought for celebration, then." The relief in his voice was obvious.

"Good idea."

Neither of them moved, though. They stayed together on the couch, enjoying the quiet of each other's company. Her breathing began to sync with Thorne's steady heartbeat, making her eyes droop sleepily.

"Cress?" Thorne whispered when she was starting to drift off.

"Mm?"

"I love you."

Cress smiled to herself, keeping her eyes closed. She shifted to get more comfortable and enjoyed the way his arms automatically held her gently but tightly.

Whenever they had a perfect, simple moment like this one, it was still hard to believe that he was hers.

Only hers.

Despite being so exhausted, her stomach gave a little flutter.

"Captain and Damsel for the win?" she murmured, nuzzling into the crook of his neck.

He didn't hesitate.

Not one bit.

Because she was his too.

"Always."


End file.
